I don't know why the human keeps butting into my business.

Every time my rear end gets even a little bit of poop caught in the matted fur he grabs me and puts me in the water!

Now I like to drink water. I like to watch water fall from the faucet, and I even like to dip my paw in water sometimes. What I do not like is to have my rear end submerged in the stuff.

To make matters worse, the human doesn't just get me all wet. He also takes a comb and scissors and starts poking at my rear end until all of the poop I was saving back there gets dislodged.

He seems to have this compulsion to keep my butt free from clinging poop. If I wanted the stuff cleaned off my butt I'd lose about 15 pounds so I could reach and clean my own butt.

Sometimes after the human eats some pizza he closes the box and puts it on the floor for a while.

I love to sit on the box and smell the pizza left inside. I can never figure out how to open the box, but smelling the pizza is almost as good as eating it.

I don't know why, but the human never lets me eat any plastic. This morning I found some new plastic in the basement trash can. I was happily spreading it around the room, stopping to snack every now and then, not causing anyone any harm, when the human comes down and picks up all the plastic and takes it upstairs.

Why won't he allow me a simple pleasure like eating plastic. He's just so mean!

Today was another scary day!

First the human came home early, and I was afraid for a bit that he was going to kill me, but then he let me drink the tap water and I settled down - but not for long.

Two other humans came over and went into the basement!

Buddy said they were there to fix the human's pool table but I know they were discussing recipes to cook me!

Luckily I was able to stay hidden in my secret place until they left.

More cheese is the last thing you need.

I like cheese. And chicken too.

Last night I had a dream that the scary gray thing was gone, so I came out of my secret hiding place and went upstairs to see if the dream was true.

It wasn't true. The gray thing was still there. It was sitting on the human's lap. For a moment I was frozen with fear, but Happy and Buddy didn't seem to be scared of the gray thing so I decided to just sit and look at it for a bit.

The gray thing saw me and jumped towards me! I was just about to run back to my secret hiding place, but the gray thing for some reason didn't look that scary anymore. It almost looked like a minitiature cat! Maybe Buddy was right and it was actually a kitten. I don't know where I got the courage but I decided to stay put and see what the possible kitten would do next.

Boy was that mistake. What the thing did next, believe it or not, was bite my crotch! Right where my balls used to be before I lost them at the shot lady's office.

Even Buddy, who is a real jerk sometimes, has never tried to bite my crotch area. There are rules of engagement for this type for thing. If Buddy had ever tried to bite my crotch I'd mess him up good, and since the gray kitteny thing was much smaller than Buddy I decided to mess it up good.

I swatted it real good a couple of times, and the look on its face when it realized that I have claws was priceless! It took off running to the basement. I took off after it, and since I already have all of the good hiding places mapped out I found it right away.

I swatted it several more times, and was just about to start biting it when the human came down and grabbed the gray thing out from under me! He took it back upstairs.

I went back up and the gray thing was hiding behind the human. It tried to act all brave and stuff and it even hissed at me. I gave it my best hiss back. It turned sideways, like that was going to fool me into thinking it was bigger than it was.

After a couple more hisses at the thing I kind of got bored with its theatrics and, since I knew I could defend myself against its crotch-biting very easily, I leaned in to get a better look and smell at the thing.

It did look like a cat! Just a lot smaller than even I am. The weird thing, though, was that it smelled like Happy's butt!

I figured that anything that looked sort of like a cat and smelled like my best friend Happy couldn't be all bad, so I decided to let the gray kitteny thing live.

Banana milkshakes are my favorite thing in the whole world. I like to lick it off the human's finger.

Ow ow ow ow! Now this thing is biting MY crotch! Somebody help!!

Boy Nugget you sure are a little pussy. This gray thing is a kitten and it's perfectly harmless. Get over yourself. already.

Ouch! Hey! This thing is biting my crotch! Waaaah!

What in the world is that little gray thing? It looks pretty scary. I'd better go hide now.