I tell myself that I should just stay home tonight.

I tell myself that it would be fun, I could drink some beer and post entries about my ever-increasing drunkenness.

I tell myself that I could just stay here by myself and have a good time and not end up feeling sorry for myself.

I tell myself that I could stop myself from picking up the phone.

I lie to myself.

I'm going out tonight. To a party held by people that I don't know. Some friends of my sister, so I won't really be crashing I guess.

I tell myself that I won't sneak away just before midnight, and that I won't spend those few minutes as the year changes talking to her in my head.

I tell myself that I won't close my eyes and imagine her standing next to me.

I tell myself that it won't be exactly like last year.

I lie to myself.

Man, what a difference a day makes!

The past two nights had been pretty much unbearable at Rich O's, but Friday night was pretty decent. Good in fact.

I arrived a little after 7:00. It was pouring down rain. There were some strangers scattered around but the living room area was empty except for DooRagGirl and LaptopGirl's ex, who I will start calling WheatDude for reasons that should be obvious.

I ordered an Upland Chocolate Stout (180) and enjoyed that while marveling at our ability to have an actual discussion without having to shout. Mostly we just talked about how pleasant it was. I also made a couple of beer recommendations to WheatDude.

A little before 8:00 HatGirl called me, I guess because DooRagGirl's phone was broken. She wasn't sure if she was going to come in. I handed my phone to DooRagGirl so she could talk some sense into her friend, then I crossed my fingers and toes and eyes.

It worked! DooRagGirl went to pick her up.

Let's see, I talked with SassyGirl. She was on her way for a quick drink or two before work. That's okay though - she just drives zillion-ton trains for a living. But you don't have to steer them.

At about the time DooRagGirl came back with HatGirl I was finishing my second Upland (200), and I'd started my third (220).

I took the girls over to see the port tasting party going on in the new area:

We were very quiet, so as not to startle the port people.

From my fourth Upland, I only drank about half the glass (230). This was because I'd had the brilliant idea of having an Alaskan Smoked Porter put on ice for later. Everybody wanted to try what I'd been touting as one of the world's best beers, so I let everybody have a sip.

I think they all liked it - especially DooRagGirl who tried to steal my glass.

I feel the need to interject here that I'm probably going to have to have a talk with WheatDude. Just because a girl is in a slightly bad mood, that does not mean that she's "ripe for the picking," as he so crassly suggested. Plus I'm a gentleman.

Once WheatDude had left, and SassyGirl had left, and these other two people who are friends of SassyBoy had left, it was just Me, DooRagGirl, and HatGirl. I moved over to the throne and HatGirl moved over to the loveseat. It was like I was in a little cocoon made of hot girls. Hot girls with boyfriends, as I'd had to remind WheatDude several times.

At one point I started craving Steak N Shake, and I decided that I was going. This extra driving meant that I had to cut my drinking off a little early. DooRagGirl was more than happy to relieve me of the last of my Alaskan Smoked Porter (238).

I had a couple Diet Cokes. HatGirl wanted to go to Steak N Shake. DooRagGirl didn't want to go unless her boyfriend could get off work, so I ended up taking HatGirl in my truck. Good thing I'd just given it its annual cleaning.

Well Steak N Shake was a bust, and we ended up going to Denny's instead. This was the first time I'd been in this particular Denny's since about a zillion years ago when I took SpoonsGirl there. The food was yummy, the company was charming.

I dropped HatGirl off at her house and managed to find my way out of that maze of streets, then I came home and dicked around until a little after 4:00.

I've got a couple of days to try to get my sleep schedule back to normal, or Tuesday morning is going to really suck.

(response to message)

Got this PM from somebody in Arizona

if you were nice to people in the bar, they wont be strangers anymore

Second of all, you either know me or you don't. If you do know me, then you should know better than to send me anonymous messages from Arizona. You should also know that I'm an incredibly nice person. I'm nice to everyone that's not an asshole or an idiot.

But if somebody comes into my bar and demonstrates that he is an asshole or an idiot (some people take longer than others to do this) then fuck them. Let them go to your bar in fucking Arizona and you can blow them until they're bone-dry for all I care. I'm only nice to the people who deserve it - and the loudmouths that have invaded Rich O's during the last few days do not deserve it.

And to continue that second of all thing that I started back there, if you don't know me, then I don't know you. And if I don't know you then why should I be taking advice from you? You're in Arizona, fer Chissakes! There is, as far as I know, one person in that entire state whose opinion I give a shit about. I'm guessing that you're not her, so please shut up.

Since I'm not going to let myself write about what I want to write about, I'm going to take my frustration out by making the Internet a little bit more boring than it was before.

My to do list for today:

1. Put on clothes.


2. Leave house.


3. Get haircut.


4. Replace taillight bulb in truck.


5. Drop Monte Carlo off at garage.


6. Replace battery in ADT keychain thingy.


7. Buy cat food.

That's enough for today I think. I'm going to go downstairs and shoot some pool.

Got to Rich O's early last night - a little before 7:00.

I'd had this crazy idea that maybe it wouldn't be so crowded that early, that maybe I'd be able to grab some spots in the living room area for when my friends arrived.

Yeah, right. Dream on, Dave.

I ordered myself an Upland Chocolate Stout (110) and sat at the end of the loveseat. There were three guys in the area who all knew each other, but they were all strangers to me.

I should have known that this was a bad sign.

A new guy would show up. Another stranger, and therefore probably another idiot. The guys sitting around me would all cheer and greet the new guy like he was an old friend. Because that's what he was to them. Then the new guy would sit down in the living room area, and the noise level would increase.

This happened five more times over the next thirty minutes. I shit you not.

When I gave up my seat, it was to the ninth member of that group.

I was forced to stand around like a dork for a few minutes, but then I saw that one of the PBDs was leaving his seat at the bar so I grabbed it and spent some time talking with TallLady.

When HatGirl and LuckyFucker arrived, TallLady was nice enough to move down to the other end of the bar.

The theory was that, since my friends and I had three seats right next to each other, we'd be able to talk.

Yeah right. Dream on, Dave.

I've seen it more crowded at Rich O's. I've seen nights where people have been forced to stand for the entire night it was so crowded. But last night was easily the LOUDEST that I've ever seen it. Those fuckers in the living room area were just incredibly obnoxious. I could barely hear HatGirl sitting right next to me, and LuckyFucker may as well have been on the Moon. We were forced to attempt lip-reading with each other.

If I'd never sat foot in Rich O's before, and I'd gone in last night for the first time, I'd have turned around and never returned. Good beer and the occasional hot girl be damned.

So I drank a couple more Uplands (130,150) while HatGirl and LuckyFucker calculated how quickly they could leave without hurting my feelings. I don't blame them a bit. At one point I turned around toward the living room area and said in a fairly loud voice, "Every one of you that can remain silent for one minute, I'll buy you a beer."

All nine of the shitheads became ineligible before ten seconds had passed. Oh well, it was worth a try I suppose.

Once my friends gave up and left, I had myself a half-glass of Upland (160) then a couple glasses of Diet Coke.

DooRagGirl came in and I talked with her for a few minutes, mainly about her boyfriend's "hairstyle."

At the very end of the night I talked with WomanRepellant and EuchreDude about women and romance and stuff. We're all such experts. That's why we were by ourselves.

The nice thing, and the only nice thing, about nights like last night, is that it will never get any worse than that. Last night was as bad as it gets. It's all downhill from there. Or uphill. Whichever one is easier. And quieter.

So I'm in a strange kind of mood tonight.

The kind of mood where I have this urge to purge my mind of the crap that's been clogging it up.

But because of this damn discretion thing I've been trying, a complete mental enema is out of the question.

Instead, I'll do what I've done before, and I'll just start spouting random crap without specifics. Just like last time, these are to a bunch of different people.

If I pissed you off, or scared you off, then I'd apologize except that I haven't the slightest idea what I could have done wrong. So instead, I'm just going to blame it on "woman stuff" and forget about it, and you.

If your eyes were the ocean then I would gladly drown in them.

I can understand the appeal of the familiar, but just because you're used to something doesn't mean that it's necessarily good. You could have been wrong all this time. It happens. People are wrong all the time.

I want to kiss you at midnight this Saturday. I may end up kissing someone else, but I'll be thinking of you.

I take back everything I've ever thought about your boyfriend. He's perfect for you, and I'm glad that you've found him.

I see you reading me almost every day. I take comfort in the fact that you give a shit.

She is simply a distraction, I think. For now.

You should have believed my words, and not my eyes.

I've been invited to five different things for Saturday night. I don't have a clue what I'll end up doing, but I know that I'll wish it was with you.

The feeling of your lips on mine is not one I will soon forget. Scratch that - it's not one I will ever forget.

I often wonder, where would I be if I hadn't found you? Someplace much worse than here, I bet. I hope that the feeling is mutual.

Don't worry about me too much. I'm used to being like this.

I resent you for the distraction that you've brought into my life, but I know deep down that this distraction is exactly what I needed, so thank you.

My patience is neither infinite nor trustworthy. Prove to me that you're worth waiting for, then we'll talk about patience.

For various reasons, you have slipped out of my life, and you are almost a stranger to me now. I miss hanging out with you.

Your wife is hot, but I'm sure that you already know that. Make sure that she knows it.

I still offer you everything you ever asked for, except that which belongs to another. Every day I regret that it's not mine to give. Every single day.

Don't just ask her to come back to you - tell her why you want her back. She wants a reason. Swallow your pride and give her one.

Well my initial plan was to try this evil thing for a month and see if it worked out.

My own opinion is that it isn't working. My hair is just so damn fair you can hardly tell it's there. And there are still some gaps around the edges that I'm not convinced are ever going to fill in. There's also a bit of a symmetry problem.

But my sister Neisha says she'll kill me if I don't give it at least another month, and MixedSignalGirl gave me a grooming kit for Christmas, so I'll be sticking with it for a while longer.

Forgive me for this. I'm having one of those bad face days. Plus the phone always does this fisheye thing with close-up pictures. My nose really doesn't take up half my face.

It is kind of neat though. To look at more or less the same face in the mirror for forty years gets a little old. I only wish this face I still see didn't look so old sometimes.

I was also expecting some gray in my facial hair, but there's none. My dad had very little gray when he died at age 56, so I guess I get that from him.

8:40
I wasn't not even completely through the door when HornDog - sitting in the loser section for some reason - informed me that he's drinking the last of the Rogue Chocolate Stout. Fuck. I checked the board, and the Upland Chocolate Stout is still listed.

8:41
I order an Upland, and I'm told that it is gone too. Fuck Fuck.

8:44
I order one of these:

Young's Winter Warmer (20)

I was expecting more from this beer for some reason, but I should have known better. This is, after all, the brewery that touts their chocolate stout as "double" chocolate even though it's clearly the weakest of any that I've ever had. But enough ranting. A decent brown ale with a touch of something that I couldn't identify - there's not enough of whatever it is.

8:50
Some assholes that I never saw before in my life have just joined me and are *gasp* trying to talk to me. Don't they realize that I hate them with a passion that burns to the very core of my being? Well, don't they?

9:00
TallLady has left, so I'm moving to the island to the space that she vacated.

9:08:
These fuckheads keep trying to talk to me.

9:17
This one fucker keeps trying to read what I'm writing, so

HEY FUCKHEAD READ THIS!!!!

9:18
The fucker is now complaining about the smoke in here, so I'm lighting three at once.

9:20
It worked! He's leaving!

9:22
This chick keeps trying to talk to me about port wine, even though I told her I wouldn't drink port if she held a gun to my head. She just won't shut up about port this and port that and how they're going to drink port on Friday and port is yummy and port port port port port.

9:30
Hey, the assholes at the bar just left! Finally! I'm moving over there. PortGirl is stunned! Stunned I tell you!

9:32
After a small sample glass, I order a half-pint of one of these:

Bell's Sparkling Ale (12)

(draft) Smells like old socks. Looks like a lager. Tastes fantastic. Reminds me of the winter ales from the established Belgian breweries. Apples and other, unidentifiable, fruits predominate. A very surprising beer from one of my favorite breweries. Yummy.

9:42
The fuckers in the living room area all suck giant green ones.

9:45
Some fucker just sat at the other end of the bar and he's tapping it like he's a drummer or something.

9:47
Yay! I miss her! Wait, I mean Boo!

9:50
You wanna know what I hate more than people eating at the bar, more than people hiding the ashtrays, even more than strangers in the living room area?

(I'll let the fucker to my left provide the drumroll...)

It's people that start rearranging the furniture like they own the place. They suck.

10:00
Half the fuckers in the living room area just left, and it's still full of idiots over there.

10:07
I keep turning around to see who's here. I don't know who I'm expecting or hoping for, but it's always the same idiots every time I turn around.

10:11
The rest of the idiots have gone. Yay! Now it's just some hot blonde and her gay boyfriend over there. I'm staying where I am.

10:18
The Stille Nacht is gone. The Delirium Noel is gone. The De Ranke - I can't remember if I like it or not. I order a Guinness (1020).

10:20
FutureDude is trying to start shit.

10:21
Upland Chocolate Stout is still here! Yay! I order one! (80)

10:30
I've been talking with HornDog. I forgive him for drinking all of the Rogue because he's who told me that the Upland was still here.

10:35
Piss time. You know you care.

10:50
Advice for women: Don't rub yourself all over me while telling me that you think of me like a brother. This type of behavior is, believe it or not, actually not a big turn-on for me.

10:55
Some dude just sat next to me and ordered one of those green beers that SassyBoy used to be named after.

10:56
Another Upland (90). Yummy.

11:00
NewGreenBeerGuy goes to I.U. but he doesn't know my niece or her boyfriend.

11:10
Piss time again.

11:15
There's some new hot girl working the Sportstime side of the business. That side gets all the hot girls.

11:17
I'm smiling because I miss her.

11:30
I'm outta here.