Whatever it was, it had a huge bladder. It never did go to the bathroom.

For those of you with severe ADD, I wrote way back yesterday about the possibility of DaveFest 2006 at Rich O's.

Well now today I've seen this on Roger's 'blog.

Yay!

Last night Rich O's was, once again, moderately packed. I guess a lot of people are like me and not working today.

I arrived at about 8:30 and sat at the island with RealTrainGirl and MisunderstoodGirl. Actually, ReadTrainGirl has got herself a new short and sassy hairstyle, so she will henceforth be known in this 'blog as SassyGirl. Then, so GreenBeerDude doesn't feel left out, I will hereafter call him SassyBoy.

Guess what I drank.

Go ahead, guess!

Rogue Chocolate Stout is correct! Ding ding ding!

It was a nice and quiet night. A bunch of idiots were scattered around the place, but they didn't bother us for the most part. I had a couple pints of the Rogue (418) while talking with my friends and making fun of the idiots, and then, after my friends left I had a half glass of Rogue (428) and then came home at like 11:30.

Then I dicked around the house for a while and then I slept for like 10 hours.

It's nice to have a day off in the middle of the week. Makes it feel extra-special.

...that even though this road is fraught with peril, I've been standing still for a long time. It may be time to start walking again.

I'm also thinking that I should really really really shut the fuck up.

After last night's beer-off I didn't just go home. Nope, I stayed and drank some more. Since I already had my notebook handy, I took notes.

5:20
I'll just get a half-pint of each to start. Don't want to seem greedy.

(The beer-off commences immediately.)

5:40
Fuck I'm here early. I'd better pace myself.

5:45
I keep rambling to Exbartender about how yummy the Rogue is. I bet he wishes I'd shut the hell up.

5:50
Tried to call SpikeBoy to tell him about the Rogue. No answer.

6:00
ExBartender's "friend" is very quiet. He is drinking Lindeman's Frambroise. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

6:09
I have another Rogue (338).

6:10
HornDog has joined me. Oh boy.

6:15
Two dudes are standing over there talking about playing pool. They are clueless.

6:20
RealTrainGirl and GreenBeerDude have arrived.

6:30
RealTrainGirl and GreenBeerDude have declared that it shall be gay night at Rich O's.

6:35
GreenBeerDude has a present that's wrapped in gay wrapping paper.

6:37
He made it himself, using pictures cut out from magazines.

7:35
I have another Rogue (358).

7:45
HatGirl and LuckyFucker arrive.

7:50
GreenBeerDude has declared gay night a success.

8:00
There are about a half-dozen hot girls in the red room for some reason.

That's all the notes I took.

I did have another Rogue (378) before I left though. Yummy.

The other day I was nagging at Roger, the owner of Rich O's, about the lack of chocolate stouts on tap. After he'd assured me that my beer-off was only postponed and not cancelled, we talked a bit about other beers.

One of the topics was the idea of a kind of customer appreciation mini-festival to fill in some of the gaps between the three big festivals. Roger's idea was that he'd take a single customer and make it a point to have several of that customer's favorite brews on tap at the same time.

This is a great idea, I think. And it's an even better idea if I get to be the customer being honored.

I don't know if anything like this will ever actually come to pass, but it could be a fun little fantasy exercise. So, I'm going to pretend that the first annual DaveFest is going to take place in the Spring.

The rules are these:

1. Six taps will be provided for beers of my choosing, but I should specify at least ten beers so that alternates are available if any of my main selections cannot be procured.


2. I need to choose beers that Roger can actually get, so no Alaskan Amber and no Alaskan Smoked Porter or anything else that he can't get in a keg.


3. I need to choose beers that he will actually sell, so no Newcastle.


4. Some beers are always on anyway, like Guinness, so I needn't bother specifying them.

• Delirium Tremens


• Rogue Smoke


• Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier


• Rogue Chocolate Stout


• Arcadia Scotch Ale


• Goose Island Honkers Ale

• De Dolle Dulle Teve (Mad Bitch)


• Bell's Kalamazoo Stout


• Avery Old Jubilation


• Two Brothers Domain DuPage French Style Country Ale


• Hitachino Nest Red Rice Ale


• Piraat

If I were able to select six beers and there were no rules, those six beers would be:

• Delirium Tremens


• Alaskan Smoked Porter


• Harpoon Winter Warmer


• Rogue Chocolate Stout


• Alaskan Amber


• Baltika 6

I know these things are coming, so I'll just go ahead and reuse this one from last year.

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Drove almost to the Grand Canyon. Had a rock for a while. Started trying to be evil.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I'd wanted to spend more time with people from my past. I didn't do it. In 2006 I'd like to remain sane.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

Did anyone close to you die?
My cat Spook died in May.

What countries did you visit?
Stayed in the United States.

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
Same as last year - a billion dollars.

What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 9th and August 19th are tied. Both days really sucked.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Successfully bottling shit up, fucking finally.

What was your biggest failure?
Thinking that I was ready for something when I wasn't even close, then doing it again a few months later.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had several little feverish ailments that were more annoying than anything else.

What was the best thing you bought?
Can't think of anything special.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
Not mine, that's for sure.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
You get one guess, and it's not me.

Where did most of your money go?
Random crap.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Going to Las Vegas in May and then again in December.

What song will always remind you of 2005?
This "Let's Get Loud" song that they play at The Rio in Las Vegas all the time.

Compared to this time last year, are you:
Happier or sadder? Happier
Older or wiser? Wiser
Thinner or fatter? Thinner
Richer or poorer? Richer

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Travelled. Practiced my bank shots.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Feeling sorry for myself.

How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas is over.

How will you be spending New Year's Eve?
Haven't decided yet.

Did you fall in love in 2005?
No.

How many one-night stands?
One, and one fling.

What was your favorite TV program?
Lost.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I picked myself an enemy, and I hate him.

What was the best book you read?
Evolution, by Stephen Baxter.

What was your greatest musical discovery?
I don't think I had any.

What did you want and get?
Some sleep.

What did you want and not get?
Real closure.

What was your favorite film of this year?
Nothing stands out.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Met with some friends and family at Rich O's. I turned 40.

What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Finding a kindred spirit that understood what I was going through.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Same as it is every year - whatever's clean and not wrinkly.

What kept you sane?
Not applicable. Things are better though.

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I adore Kelly Clarkson.

What political issue stirred you the most?
No one particular issue, but the polarization has become pretty annoying.

Who did you miss?
You get one guess.

Who was the best new person you met?
Don't know if this counts as actually meeting her, but RockGirl.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005.
Sometimes even a trickle is too much. Sometimes you have to block things completely.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Same as last year - All in all it was just bricks in the wall.

...that sometimes the cure can end up being worse than the disease.

I should really shut up now.

So I will.

Before going out tonight, I first had to get ready.

Tonight was going to be the big beer-off between two of my all-time favorites; Rogue Chocolate stout and Upland Chocolate Stout.

I was way too excited over a couple of beers being on tap at the same time, but I'm bottling everything else up and I need to have some outlet for my emotions, so fuck off.

Besides, I take my duties as unofficial Rich O's beer reviewer very seriously. So seriously, in fact, that I had VigilanteGirl help me put together a special uniform for tonight's activities.

Behold me in all my scruffy and/or evil glory:

If you look closely enough (not at my crotch you perverts) you may notice a reflective patch on my shirt. This shirt normally says Irish Stout Official Taster on it but tonight, for one night only, the word Irish has been replaced:

At around 4:30, I called the bar and asked Roger, the owner, if he was going to shatter my dreams again. He assured me that both of my favorite chocolate stouts were indeed on tap.

Having thus confirmed that my mission was still a go, I arrived at Rich O's a little after 5:00 PM. Right off the bat, I checked the board:

Yay! They were both listed!

Did I mention that I was excited?

Well, I was.

I ordered a half glass of Rogue Chocolate Stout (318) and a half glass of Upland Chocolate Stout (70), which will hereafter in this entry be referred to simply as Rogue and Upland, and I sat in the throne with my beers and my notebook to begin my beer-off.

With both beers in front of me, calling to me, I tried to remain as scientific and impartial as I could. I alternated each beer through each of the following tests:

Color

Upland: Jet Black
Rogue: Jet Black
Conclusion: Tie

Head

Upland: Beige, faded quickly to a thin coating
Rogue: Light brown, lasted forever
Conclusion: Rogue easily wins this contest

Aroma

Upland: Good chocolate aroma, a bit sharp when inhaled deeply
Rogue: Rich and malty chocolate aroma
Conclusion: Rogue easily wins this contest

Flavor

Upland: Dryer than I remembered, with a touch of coffee but mostly a slightly bitter chocolate - yummy
Rogue: Tastes like it smells, rich and malty and chocolately - fucking yummy
Conclusion: Rogue easily wins this contest

Mouthfeel

Upland: A decent thickness, more syrupy than anything else
Rogue: Thick and creamy
Conclusion: Rogue wins this contest by a nose

Overall Winner

Rogue wins in a landslide.

I want to make this perfectly clear: The Upland Chocolate Stout is a fucking fantastic beer. On any night in which the Rogue wasn't on tap, the Upland would almost definitely be my favorite. There's not a damn thing wrong with the Upland - it's just no Rogue. And that's not such a bad thing. I, for example, am no Brad Pitt, but give me a try and you'll keep coming back. Unless Brad just happens to be in the room, then I'm screwed.

Please read this crap from July:

don't say i didn't warn you

and the following entry:

some of your guesses were pretty funny