I'm totally bored and emotionally wrung-out today. I tried to write a stupid entry but my UPS is broken and it kept shutting my computer off. Rather than attempt for a fourth time to write my stupid entry, I'll post this entry fragment that I found on my computer desktop today. This was to have been the end of another entry. For some reason I didn't post this part before.

But wait, there's more!

People in the know tell me that it's understandable that I'm stressed right now. Many of these people are the same ones that have been telling me for months that I wasn't making any sense. Now all of a sudden it's okay? Now all of a sudden you understand? This pisses me off. Don't pretend to understand when you clearly don't. Don't try to make me feel better when your only incentive is to feel more comfortable around me. If you don't feel comfortable around me, then kindly stay the fuck away.

I am not your doll that you can dress up and pose and show off to your friends.

After Friday's crowding, Saturday night was just what I needed.

I got to the bar a little after 9:00, and stood at the bar and talked with SpikeBoy for a few minutes. He's still seeing the same girl, so I may have to come up with a nickname for her. We'll see.

The rest of the night I spent over in the living room area talking with the likes of CoffeeDude, DooRagGirl, and GreenBeerDude and his friends. Everything was nice and quiet and relaxing.

To drink, I had a Bell's Kalamazoo Stout (95), then one of those Strubbe things that I'd had on Friday (20), and finally a yummy Alaskan Smoked Porter (222), which had managed to sneak back onto the shelves without my noticing.

We had some interesting conversations that I may end up writing some entries about, so I'm going to cut this entry short.

On the way home, I saw that VigilanteGirl was still working, so I stopped and saw her. When she found out that I'd gotten home Friday she was a little pissed. She threw candy bars at me and completely denied seeing me, and ignoring me, when I'd stopped to see her first thing Friday. Women are strange.

I've been tagged by allaboutme to do this five weird things about me exercise. I'm supposed to list the five things and then tag five other people to do the same thing.

I actually did some entries a year ago about my quirks, flaws, and assets. In the quirks entry I listed eleven things. I'll now try to come up with five new ones.

1. I have this rock. I talk to my rock and take it everywhere. In a few days I have to send the rock back to where it came from, and I'm thinking about throwing a going-away party for the rock. Did I mention that it's a rock?

2. I'll make up new, cat-themed lyrics to songs and sing them to my cats. I make Buddy dance with me while I do this.

3. I've developed the habit of smelling my beer before each sip, to enhance the tasting experience, and now that habit has spread to everything I drink. Doesn't matter if it's water or Diet Vanilla Coke or orange juice or whatever - I'm smelling it before each sip.

4. I brush my teeth, then rinse with this supposedly "cool mint" mouthwash that burns my mouth so much that I brush my teeth again right away to neutralize the mouthwash.

5. When I'm on the phone at home I can't just sit and talk. I have to either walk around or shoot pool or straighten things up - anything but just sit and talk.

I'm not going to tag anybody. I think everyone else on Earth has already done this anyway.

I woke up this morning and I thought for a few seconds that it was Sunday instead of Saturday. I'm very glad I was wrong.

Got home yesterday at around 3:30. RealTrainGirl called me about 30 seconds after I walked off the plane, wanting to know if I was going to Rich O's. Duh.

While I was gone they'd gone ahead and declared Winter here. Temps in the 20s and a nice little coating of snow and ice on the surface streets.

My cats were excited to see me, in part I'm sure because they had no food in their dispenser thingy, but I also like to pretend that they noticed I was gone and actually missed my company.

Took a quick nap. I didn't really need one, but it just seemed like the thing to do.

Rich O's was very fucking crowded. I spotted RealTrainGirl sitting on the throne, but there were no openings around her, so I stood at the bar. I had myself an Upland Winter Warmer (110), back on tap finally, and traded some text messages back and forth with RealTrainGirl about who are all these fuckers? and why won't they leave?

Well, some of the fuckers did leave, or at least they left the sofa, so I went over there and sat. RealTrainGirl was glad to see me. She missed me. Awwww!

The place was very loud. We sat and drank and talked. MusicalHippyDude and GlassesGirl and RedHairGirl were sitting on the loveseat. Some old guy that I don't know was next to me on the sofa. GreenBeerDude and a friend of his came and managed to squeeze in somehow.

My next beer was something new for me:

Strubbe Couckelaerschen Doedel (10)

(draft) A very nice beer, with a good blend of various unidentifiable spices. I got no citrus at all, and I'm glad for that. Quite yummy actually.

So then those people wanted to make a quick run to Molly Malone's in Louisville. They wanted me to go, but I didn't really see the point - both girls have boyfriends - so I told them I'd wait and save their seats if I could.

I couldn't. Save their seats anyway.

ProfessorDude asked me if I wanted to play some euchre. Yay! I haven't played euchre with actual humans in years. I ended up partners with a guy I'll call EuchreDude, while ProfessorDude (henceforth to be called LonerBoy) was partnered with some hot girl that I'll call HotEuchreGirl.

At about this time I ordered a Spezial Rauchbier Lager (970).

I think that EuchreDude and I won two out of three games at Rich O's, or maybe three out of five. Whatever, we closed the place down and went over to Jack's to play some more.

LonerBoy offered to buy us all beers, so I had myself a PBR (24) just for kicks.

We played a few more games. I think that EuchreDude and I won the majority of them. At about 3:00 I let PretentiousShithead take my place and I went to White Castle and came home.

Well, I'm back home from Las Vegas.

Just thought I'd transcribe my notes from Thursday before I head out to Rich O's tonight.

At around 3:00, I went up to The Four Queens to check out this Chicago Brewpub that I'd never heard of before. It was a tiny place, so I'm thinking that this may not be the actual brewery. Only one beer looked interesting, so that's all I had:

Chicago Old Town Brown (24)

(draft) I've rated this a little higher than most brown ales because there was something special about it. I don't know what, though. There was a slightly spicy aroma and flavor. Whatever it was, it was good.

Later Thursday I went back to The Tilted Kilt and took a few notes.

6:55
I ordered a Rogue Chocolate Stout (260).

6:56
The bartender was really fascinated when I was here last year and I told him how we'd met. Back in May, he was disappointed to learn that we'd broken up, but he insisted that my running into her at White Castle a week earlier had been a hopeful sign for us. He even went so far, back in May, to predict that we'd be married or engaged by the time this, my December visit, occurred. I didn't have it in me to tell him the real end of our story, so I lied and told him I hadn't seen her since that night at White Castle.

7:05
I know I'm supposed to be winding down this vacation of mine, but I certainly don't feel like it. I'd stay another month if I could afford it.

7:16
What the hell, I'll have another Rogue (276).

7:19
I'm really going to miss this beer. Even if Rich O's gets it as part of their Saturnalia festival, I should probably drink beers that are new to me instead. It will be tough though.

7:20
There she is. Maybe this vacation will end with a bang after all.

7:24
I keep thinking about a scared little girl. Can't get her out of my head.

8:05
Another Rogue (292).

8:07
I've started talking about boring computer stuff with some guy from Chicago.

9:05
Another Rogue (308). Still talking about boring computer stuff with the Chicago guy.

9:10
She's off. We're outta here!

Prologue
Had a couple of yummy Alaskan Ambers (2068) with my yummy steak dinner. Got in a really bad mood for no good reason, just a memory that surfaced unbidden.

7:40
Quite crowded, so I sit where the cock smokers sat the other night. I order, duh, a Rogue Chocolate Stout (196).

7:45
The bitch didn't tell him about my wanting an unchilled glass. Now she gets a penny for a tip.

7:50
I couldn't do it to her. It's not her fault she's stupid. So I gave her a normal 25% tip and told her I'd find another waitress for the rest of the might. Let her try to figure out why.

7:54
Moved to another table, closer to the window and away from StupidGirl's area.

8:00
I was already furious when I got here tonight. Maybe I shouldn't be taking my anger out on the stupid waitress.

8:02
There was a girl in the show last night that looked almost exactly like DooRagGirl. I wish they'd allowed pictures.

8:10
Wow, this is my last full night here for who knows how long. That sucks.

8:12
PictureGirl is giving me that come hither look, but if I go thither won't that be breaking her rule about when she's working?

8:15
I wonder what ever happened to RioGirl?

8:20
She wanted to know why I was mean to StupidGirl. I didn't think I was particularly mean, but I told her why.

8:22
Let's not make a federal case out of it, okay?

8:23
I wonder if I should just go watch Lost at 9:00.

8:25
I'm a little disappointed that I've had no stalkers this week. None that I know about anyway.

8:30
This one chick should get her money back from her implant doctor. They keep sloshing back and forth after she stops walking. Gross.

8:34
Another Rogue (212), in an unchilled glass this time. Yay!

8:35
All girls with mousy brown shoulder length hair should be required to turn and face me as soon as they enter a room. My heart can only take so much.

8:37
It's kind of strange that one of my coworkers is here at the same conference, but I've only seen him twice for about twenty seconds total.

8:40
If I was a chick I'd have long brown hair with those kinky curls and lots of blonde highlights. I'd also be a lesbian. A slutty one.

8:41
Santa Claus just came in. He's younger than I thought.

8:46
There's nobody here to make fun of tonight. Everybody's normal now that Santa has left.

8:54
She's off work now. She's tired. It's my fault that she's tired. Hee hee. She's going home now.

9:02
Maybe I'd be a lesbian with shoulder length, very kinky, dirty blonde hair. Definitely a lesbian though. Love the puss. Hate the cock.

9:14
I think I need a side by side comparison. Both girls are quite hot.

9:16
With me in the middle.

9:18
MixedSignalGirl always tried to get her hair that kinky but after like five minutes it'd be straight again.

9:19
Great. Now I miss MixedSignalGirl too.

9:25
Another Rogue (228). It must be the low humidity or something that's letting me drink so much.

9:30
I'm moving to the bar. I don't know why.

9:33
This goat roper just came in and asked for a Bud Light in a bottle. Upon hearing that they only have it on tap, he left in disgust. I hate him.

9:36
My rock is pointy, kind of like an arrow. When I spin it, it stops in some random direction. Maybe it's broken.

9:45
Two waitresses and a busboy went into the cooler. When they came out a few minutes later the busboy pretended to be zipping his pants up. It was funny.

9:56
I've been surrounded by loud people.

10:05
Piss time.

10:07
Another Rogue (244). WTF?

10:10
Man this place got crowded quickly!

10:15
Blinded by the light
revved up like a deuce
another runner in the night

How fucking appropriate. Or not. I don't care.

10:26
Friday would be a good date to get engaged. Not gonna happen though, because I'm a dumbass.

10:29
Some hot girl is running around with some kind of petition. I don't know what it's for though because she's scared of my evilness.

10:30
Holy shit I've drank a lot tonight.

10:31
It's not a petition - it's you give her your info and she gives you free chewing tobacco. No thanks.

10:36
I think it's her smile that I miss the most, or maybe the way she sparkled.

10:39
Alcohol saturation achieved. Ordering food and switching to Diet Coke.

10:49
Food has arrived. I'm outta here.

I may find out that I'm not cut out to be evil.

I already know what I don't have as much evil potential as some men. Some guys can grow a full beard in just a day or two. Not me though. I'm just not a particularly hairy guy.

It's just a genetics thing. You can't argue with your genes, can you?

Well, you can, but you're not going to win that argument. It's like arguing with a woman, except that a woman will, every now and then, let you think that you've won. Your genes won't do that. Your genes are dicks sometimes.

But I digress.

What evilness I do have is, so far, pretty patchy and scruffy. So instead of fear from those around me, the main thing I'm getting is pity as people are assuming that I'm homeless and/or deranged.

But I'll give it some more time. Probably until the end of December at least. I suppose that, if I can't become evil in a month, then I can't ever become evil.

And that's just another cross I'll have to bear.

When does a one night stand turn into a fling?

How exactly does a fling become a thing?

At what point does a thing become a relationship?

Do the answers to any of these questions even matter when all I'm doing here is trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, when I'm trying to complete this repair job, patch this hole in my life, but each shade of paint that I try just doesn't quite match?

When I'd drop her, and this, in a heartbeat if only my phone would ring?

I'm not an asshole.

I keep telling myself that.