wea-ry
adj.
1. Physically or mentally fatigued.

wea-ried
v.
1. To make or become weary.

Thanks for sort of clearing that up.

The word "careful" has been such an unspoken motto of mine that I should probably have it tatooed on my chest.

That motto has kept me safe and sane for several years but I fear it may have lost its power recently.

I'll do the best I can.

(I'm still intrigued about the e-mail though.)

Last night marked the second Halloween in a row in which I had zero trick-or-treat visitors.

Maybe it's the black stray cat that's taken up residence on my porch.

Maybe the kids are afraid of that spooky old man Siltz.

But I really don't think it's either of those reasons.

I think the kids are all in the subdivisions and apartment complexes.

That's fine though. More candy for me.

Moohaha.

One of two things has just happened. Either I've been threatened, or I've been given the most obvious and unnecessary advice ever.

The wording of the message I received is a little ambiguous as to which is the actual case.

The basic gist of the message was Be careful.

I don?t know if the or else was intentionally implied or not.

This little mystery that I've been perplexing over since yesterday certainly seems to have taken an interesting turn.

My question to you, oh anonymous Internet comrade and/or foe, is this: What was the damn e-mail about?

You obviously know me (you used the secret word) yet you don't seem to know me that well - for you're making the same basic assumptions that everyone else that doesn't know me that well has been making.

I've managed to be in a good mood for two days straight and so I'm going to end this a little abruptly.

Feel free to send another message via my form thingy or *gasp* an actual e-mail. Call if you know the number. I welcome discussion on this - it's cheaper than therapy and I just might learn something.

The other night I was asked some questions.

Scratch that, I was asked the most relevant questions in the world.

The questions that I've asked myself a thousand times. The questions that I've always answered the same way.

Because I'm an idiot.

I don't know.

The other night was different because I wasn't the one doing the asking. I also knew that my standard answers just wouldn't suffice.

So I countered the first question with one of my own.

And just what good would that do?

I got no real response to this, just as I'd hoped. Even if the answer is known, I felt that it was pretty unlikely that it would be shared with me at that moment.

In response to the second question I lied.

I'm really not sure. I've been trying to figure that out myself.

The fact is that the second question has an answer now. Not the answer I wanted, or at least not the answer I thought I wanted, but there it is anyway.

Now I have another question begging to be answered. A question so important that, despite my most aggressive efforts to avoid it, it has managed to claw its way to the front of my mind and entwine itself into nearly every thought I have.

What am I going to do about it?

Today I mowed my lawn for what I hope was the last time this season.

What a stupid tradition. You cover your yard with plants that only look good when they're cut short and yet they grow so fast that they have to be cut every week or two.

Don't even get me started on this whole raking leaves nonsense.

A hundred thousand years ago I'd probably just club someone over the head and drag her back to my cave. Decisive, but unfulfilling.

In 2004 I sit here writing stupid entries and hope that my mind will eventually conjure up a scenario in which I don't end up alone. Ineffective and self-defeating.

And they call this progress.

schiz-o-phren-ic
adj.
1. Of, relating to, or characterized by the coexistence of disparate or antagonistic elements.

con-trast
n.
1. A difference, especially a strong dissimilarity, between entities or objects compared.

I've been sitting here, my hands poised over my keyboard, for an hour now. I've managed to copy/paste two dictionary definitions, and write two sentences.

I suppose I'll just try to mow through this block.

This makes four sentences.

Saturday night, Rich O's was pretty dead. When I first arrived there were some people in the red room that I didn't know, ProbableLesbian and CluelessSuitor were in the living room area, and that was it.

I ordered an NABC Tunnel Vision and joined the couple in the living room area. They left shortly afterward, but I've got enough to be paranoid about so I didn't take it personally.

The entire night was tame and relaxing. CoffeeDude came in, followed a short time later by TrainGirl, RealTrainGirl, and GreenBeerDude.

I tried one of the green beers (don't know what the hell it was called) and didn't care for it. I ordered a Stone Smoked Porter.

CoffeeDude and TrainGirl and I got to talking about dreams and lucidity in dreams. TrainGirl seems to have much better control than I do - she can even choose to replay certain scenes if they don't turn out the way she wants.

Anyway, like I said, a pretty boring night. After my Stone I had another Tunnel Vision, and I went home at around 11:30.

I didn't really have a reason, but I started the night expecting something unusual to happen. I don't know what I expected. Perhaps LaptopGirl would call. Perhaps my sister would visit, or my friend Eric. Just something unusual or interesting to go along with the unusual and interesting phenomenon of my good mood.

Nothing at all happened.

I'll now end this entry in a awkward way.

Let it be known and recorded that on October 30th, 2004, I spent the entire day in a good mood.

Clinging to optimism may be difficult but it's pretty cool when it works.

This is a fairly small chance that the idea that popped into my head this morning is actually true. I don't think it's the least likely explanation, but it's certainly not the most likely.

What makes this possibility so intriguing to me is that, in this scenario, everything is not my fault. Some things certainly are, but not everything.

Of course I can't discuss this theory with anyone because they'd be sure to point out all kinds of blaring inconsistencies that I've managed to overlook in my sleep-deprived state.

an-noy-ing
adj.
1. Causing vexation or irritation; troublesome.

mo-ron
n.
1. A person regarded as very stupid.

loud-mouth
n.
1. One given to loud, irritating, or indiscreet talk.

I got to the bar a little before 9:00. The place was extremely crowded, but I was able to grab the only seat at the bar next to a group of Rich O's professional beer drinkers.

Oh yeah, before I sat down I grabbed the latest postcard from LaptopGirl and read it so I could get that task over with. Of course I got sad, and that pretty much set the tone for the next couple of hours.

I had a Mad Bitch and listened to the PBDs play a game of Trivial Pursuit while I checked every ten seconds to see if a spot anywhere else had opened up. The Mad Bitch tasted a little off to me - there was kind of a rotten flavor that I couldn't quite identify. My next beer was an NABC Tunnel Vision that tasted very good.

At one point, shortly after UnbearablyAnnoyingDude started arguing that opossums are not mammals, I had what I thought was the brilliant idea of leaving the bar area and sitting in the dining area. Anything to get away from the throng.

CoffeeDude had appeared and he ended up joining me at a table. I hadn't seen him since LaptopGirl's departure and I felt compelled to spew my guts out. I keep saying that I don't want to talk about it, but once I get started I can't seem to shut up.

CoffeeDude recommended a Bell's Best Brown Ale so I had one of those. Here's my ratebeer.com rating:

(draft) Not too bad, but not all that great either. There was nothing that really stood out at all. Just a decent fairly generic brown ale. I like Newcastle better.

LaptopGirl called for her Rich O's report and her horoscope reading. There seemed to be some kind of interference with the call and it was quite difficult to understand what she was saying. One thing I was able to pick up was that the original plan of LaptopGirl visiting me in Las Vegas next month has been replaced with my driving to visit her instead. To be perfectly honest, both plans scare me, and I told LaptopGirl as much. I'll just have to see what kind of a mood I'm in when the time comes. Perhaps we can just arrange to wave at each other from opposite rims of the Grand Canyon.

After what seemed like an eternity Rich O's proper finally cleared out enough that CoffeeDude and I were able to grab some seats in the living room area. We were joined by ExBartender. I didn't stay too long after that because it seemed that I'd miscalculated my alcohol intake. Got home around 1:00 and watched The Blair Witch Project.

The five most stupid reasons for voting for Kerry:

5. Because he was in Vietnam.

4. Because his initials are JFK.

3. Because the Red Sox won the world series.

2. Because of something he said.

And finally,

1. Because "Anybody but Bush!"

The five most stupid reasons for voting for Bush:

5. Because he can catch a football.

4. Because Clinton got a blow job.

3. Because the Red Sox beat the Yankees.

2. Because if Bush wins then Hillary runs in 2008.

And finally,

1. Because Kerry "looks French."