Let's see, I was born in New Albany, Indiana on February 20, 1965, to David and Launa Siltz. I was the only child at the time, but my parents blew that sweet deal a couple of years later by bringing my sister Dina home.
I guess for a short time after I was born we lived in Maplewood Indiana, but I don't remember that at all. My earliest memories are of the house in Lanesville where we lived until I was six. My actual earliest memory is of my mom carrying around a baby that, to my horror, wasn't me. I suppose that must have been Dina, but I didn't ask as I was too busy calculating the days I'd have to put up with that shit.
When I was five I was trying out some new tennis shoes, and showing off for my friend Kelly, and I ran through this sliding glass door. Cut the shit out of myself and, I'm sure, scared the shit out of my parents who'd been lucky enough to witness this feat. I still have a few scars from this incident.
When I was eight I was blessed by the arrival of a new baby sister. I felt so blessed, in fact, for having a new sister instead of a new brother that I went and hid in a tree until my dad threatened to cut it down to make me at least come and look at the baby.
Went to Georgetown Elementary where I guess I didn't apply myself. At least that's what everybody kept telling me. All throughout these years my best friends have been Eric and my cousins Jeff and Chris. I'd just rotate around according to this complex formula which pretty much consisted of who's parents had least recently grounded their kids from seeing me.
It was never my fault, but I was always there, and I was always blamed when somebody's little angel fucked something up. This pattern continued until the day when Chris got messed up on something and decided to confess all of his sins to his parents and, guess what, I WAS NOT THE ROOT OF ALL OF HIS MISDEEDS!
Chris died a few years ago. That's pretty fucked up, right there.
After Georgetown, I went to Floyd Central Junior/Senior High School, home of the mighty Highlanders. Man, did my school have the unscariest mascot or what? Is unscariest even a word? I guess I started applying myself at Floyd Central because my mom stopped yelling at me. I wish I'd have taken more math classes back in school but back then I thought it was too boring.
At one point, this crazy lady that lived next to my grandmother tricked me into joining the Air Force. I didn't mind too much. It seemed easier than having to go out and look for my own job.
Got married just after I turned twenty, divorced a couple of years later, then back with my ex for a couple more years. People look at me funny when I tell them that I got back with my ex-wife, but it really did seem like a good idea at the time. Free pussy and all that.
Nope, I did not just write that. Move along please.
During the time that my ex and I were apart my mom passed away. I was 22. I remember my ex-wife coming to Indiana to see me while I was visiting my dying mother in the hospital. She needed me to sign the divorce papers. Sweet, huh?
By the time my second attempt to have a life with my ex failed I was living in Omaha, Nebraska. Best kept secret in the United States, I keep telling people. I should probably stop telling people that or it won't be such a big secret anymore. Oops. Sorry about that, Omaha.
Oh yeah, during all this time I was still in the Air Force and for fun I'd play pool. Pool was, and still is, pretty much my big talent. I was actually a pretty damn good player back in my twenties. I'd play in leagues and tournaments and shit. Loads of fun. Still is, though I'm not as good now as I used to be.
When I got out of the Air Force, I had a choice to make. Should I just return home to Indiana and my family, or should I just keep moving Westward? I ended up in Seattle, where for three years I was insanely happy, and for three more years I was kinda bored actually. During the Seattle years I also got to live in Alaska for a while, and New Orleans. Both locations were quite nice. Alaska especially I'd like to return to someday.
For the first year in Seattle I put together the APA pool league in King County. My roommate at the time was the League Operator, and I guess he was doing something, but it couldn't have been much because he had to sell the league. I bartended for a while and then I was unemployed for a while. Eating dirt for breakfast, lunch, and dinner gets old pretty quickly and so I started working with computers.
At one point I finally got up the nerve to leave my job in Seattle and head back to Indiana. Unfortunately there were no jobs in Indiana so I was forced to take a six-month detour to Memphis. The job I had in Memphis was cool but everything else about that city sucked. Easily the most racist place I've ever been in my life. I was very happy to finally leave Memphis.
I was quite a bit less happy when, six weeks after I returned to Indiana, my beloved grandmother died. As much as that sucked, my father dying six weeks after that - well, I've written a litte bit about losing my father.
For the first couple of years after I moved back to Indiana, I had pretty much the sweetest job ever. I got to work from home and travel only when they needed me. I was actually working for the same guy that I'd worked for in Seattle. Once the Internet bubble burst I was one of the first people they let go so I had to go and get myself a real job at substantially less pay. Oh well.
I guess that's about it. Except for what's in the 'blog. Speaking of the 'blog. I've made these little lists a few times that may provide more insight into the wonder that is me. I'll list their contents below:Quirks
1. I hate mayonnaise. Can't stand the stuff. Can't stand the smell, the taste, or even the sight of it. A few years ago I skipped an entire holiday meal because someone had let mayonnaise touch the turkey.
2. Pickle Juice. See the entry for mayonnaise and multiply times ten.
3. If I meet another car at an intersection, and they have the right of way, I will wait until the end of time for them to proceed. I've been known to shut off my car and get out and play cards on my hood before I'd let some idiot who doesn't know any traffic rules out-polite me.
4. If I'm at a bar or a party or wherever, and I get bored, I'll just get up and leave. Only rarely do I even bother to say goodbye to anyone. This is one reason that I normally like to go places alone - no having to wait around for the other person.
5. If you try to make small talk with me within an hour after I wake up you'll be on my shitlist for at least a week. These damn people at work their good mornings and their whattups, they have no idea how much I loathe them in the mornings.
6. If I'm in a group of three or more people, I will almost always shut up and just listen to everyone else. I'm not sure that it's really a quirk, maybe just more of a trait.
7. Unless it's someone I'm really comfortable with, I like to keep a personal space radius of at least five feet at all times. With some people I need ten feet. With some people a thousand miles doesn't seem like enough.
8. I feel most like myself when I'm pining away for someone that's way out of my league.
9. The weirdest thing I ever experienced still freaks me out on a regular basis, and I cannot tell anyone because it was just too damn weird and the only witness was my ex-wife and everybody would figure that I just made the whole thing up.
10. I usually assume that everybody is stupid until they show me otherwise. It's not that I think I'm all that smart, I just think everyone else is a dumbass. I don't count this as a flaw because it doesn't affect how I treat people. Some of my best friends are dumbasses.
(Edited to add a bonus eleventh quirk that someone just reminded me of.)
11. I have this Goldilocks syndrome where I cannot stay comfortable in a bed. I spend my nights wandering between beds and sofas. When I am in a bed I flop around like a dying fish.Flaws
1. My standards for female attractiveness are waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too high for someone like me.
2. I use my high standards in an attempt to keep myself out of relationships, and therefore somewhat safe from harm.
3. At times, I've forgotten that respecting others' privacy is more important than telling an interesting story.
4. I don't take rejection, even inferred rejection, very well at all.
5. I have a strong desire to be liked by everyone, and if I disagree with what someone is saying I'll often keep quiet rather than express my own opinion. Then I'll find someone who shares my opinion and talk about how stupid the first person is.
6. I'm not very good at trusting others. I'm the jealous type, but I'll usually just fume internally instead of saying anything.
7. I'm often so uncomfortable in large groups that I'll either avoid them or stay as far off to the side as far as I can. To me, Thanksgiving dinner is one of the worst forms of torture.
8. I tend to see only the best or the worst in things and people around me, depending on my current mood. I have a hard time seeing things as a whole. I'm an optimistic during good times and a pessimist in bad times.
9. I often imagine a person being a certain way, then when they turn out differently, I treat it like it was a personal affront.
10. I cannot take a hint if I don't like what the hint suggests. Even if the hints are coming from myself.Assets
1. I'll put myself through torture rather than hurt someone I care about. The other person is always first.
2. I'm almost painfully honest. If you ask me a question you should be prepared for the answer I give. I will keep my mouth shut rather than lie.
3. I'm pretty good at putting myself into others' shoes, at least as far as I know about what they're going through.
4. I get along well with just about everyone.
5. I'm pretty funny at times, even when it's just in my own head.
6. If I care about you, you need to hurt me pretty badly before I'll ever say anything about it. No sense in two people feeling bad, I figure.
7. I believe there's good in almost everyone, and I don't rely on first impressions. You almost always get more chances with me.
8. My interests are wide-ranging enough that I can carry on a conversation with just about anyone.
9. When I screw up I realize it pretty quickly and I will freely admit to, and apologize for, my mistakes.
10. I enjoy my own company, so I must not be that bad.Five Weird Things
1. I have this rock. I talk to my rock and take it everywhere. Did I mention that it's a rock?
2. I'll make up new, cat-themed lyrics to songs and sing them to my cats. I make Buddy dance with me while I do this.
3. I've developed the habit of smelling my beer before each sip, to enhance the tasting experience, and now that habit has spread to everything I drink. Doesn't matter if it's water or Diet Vanilla Coke or orange juice or whatever - I'm smelling it before each sip.
4. I brush my teeth, then rinse with this supposedly "cool mint" mouthwash that burns my mouth so much that I brush my teeth again right away to neutralize the mouthwash.
5. When I'm on the phone at home I can't just sit and talk. I have to either walk around or shoot pool or straighten things up - anything but just sit and talk.