No I'm not.

Nugget is a dork.

Back a loooong time ago, I think even before Nugget graced us with his presence, the human had this big giant aquarium full of yummy-looking fish.

I never could get to the fish before, but yesterday the human brought that old aquarium in from the garage and put it on top of the dishwasher.

I hope he leaves it there and gets some fish, 'cause I can get to the top of the dishwasher!

Oooh, I can't wait to eat me some yummy fish!

The human has apparently stopped all pretense of being nice.

Today he brought in this huge thing from the garage.

It's all made of glass and it's all dirty and stuff. I'm sure it's some kind of newfangled cat trap!

I've tried to be nice to the human, even though lately, as I wrote earlier, he's been obsessed with picking me up and petting me.

I guess that now the picking up and the petting isn't enough. The human is going to trap me in the new cat trap and torture me!

Or maybe even leave me in the trap for the vacuum lady to find!

Oh, the horror!

Today the human brought this big giant glass toy in from the garage.

I remember this thing from a long time ago, but back then it had these little toys (Buddy called them "fish") in it that were a lot of fun to watch.

Now the big glass toy is just sitting in the kitchen with nothing but some cobwebs in it.

Maybe the human will get some of those "fish" toys and put them in the big glass toy.

That would be cool.

Last night was horrible!

I got trapped in the human's office all night long!

This morning when he found me he tried to act all apologetic and stuff but it will take much more than that to make up for this mistreatment.

Maybe if he gave me a treat.

Yes, that would do it.

I was sure that when I hid the key to the human's door that the vacuum lady would never be able to come again.

On Tuesday she tried to get in the house, but she couldn't and she had to leave.

I was on top of the world.

Then on Wednesday the stupid human left the stupid door unlocked so the stupid vacuum lady could get in the stupid house.

So now, not only do I have to worry about the vacuum lady, I also have to worry about humans just wandering in off the street to get me because the human leaves the door unlocked.

I have to try to remember where I hid the key so I can give it back to the human. At least that way I only have to worry about the vacuum lady.

And believe me, that's bad enough.

Oh, the terror!

Lately the human has become obsessed with petting me.

I can't sit still for more than ten minutes before he starts calling my name and stuff. Then he tries to be all sneaky-like, pretending that all he wants to do is give me a quick petting, but then he grabs me and carries me to the couch!

I try to humor the poor thing and let myself be petted and brushed, but I really wish he'd lay off and go bother Happy or Buddy for a while.

The human should know by now that the only time I completely trust him is when we're in the water room and he lets me drink the water from the faucet.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so darn cute!

The human has stopped giving us food.

I mean, he hasn't stopped FEEDING us, he just stopped giving us FOOD to eat.

What we get instead are these disgusting little pellets that look like food but aren't.

Buddy says that the little pellets are "diet" cat food and that it's because I'm so fat and because Nugget couldn't pee that one time.

I'm unfamiliar with this word "diet" but I do know what "food" is and these pellets are not food.

I want to know why Buddy always blames everything on me and Nugget. Like he's so perfect or something. At least Nugget and I know how to use the stupid litterbox.

I like to look out the window, waiting for the outside cat to show up to eat. It's fun to scratch at the window like I'm going to get her! Sometimes she even notices me.

Recently there's been a new attraction - a miniature ugly cat!

Buddy says it's a baby of the normal-sized ugly cat (Buddy made up the word "opossum" for it) but that would mean that the ugly cat had sex and nothing that ugly could ever even get a date!

Buddy thinks he's so smart, but I know better.

The miniature ugly cat is obviously a horrible mutant, and the mutations were obviously caused by some horrible chemical agent that the vacuum lady is testing out before setting a trap for me! The vacuum lady is always spraying stuff all over the house, but luckily I've been immune to her potions so far.

I'd better keep a close eye on the miniature mutated ugly cat just in case it's contagious.