Saturday, May 13, 2006
posted by buddy on Saturday, May 13, 2006 at 12:04 PM in category food, the cats, the human

Well I see that my fellow felines have chosen to ignore my boycott of this journal.

What a couple of pussies.

No pun intended.

The human continues his stubborn refusal to allow me to get anywhere near any yummy birds, and this morning his ineptitude showed even more.

Our food bowl was empty from approximately 1:00 AM last night until 9:45 this morning!

How we managed to stay alive, I'll never know

Tuesday, May 9, 2006
posted by nugget on Tuesday, May 9, 2006 at 12:49 AM in category the human

Well I've decided that I'm going to write something here.

Buddy says that we're not supposed to write here any more because the human is a poopie-head that won't let us go outside and eat birds, but I think that Buddy is the poopie-head.

Plus, the birds are kinda scary so I'm glad I'm in the house where I'm safe from them.

Tonight the human was messing around with his flashy thing. I think it's called a camera, but I'm not sure. The human kept pointing it at me and then this bright light would go off and I'd see these blobby thing floating around. I tried to chase the blobby things but I never could catch one.

Then the human gave me a catnip toy and I got a little bit stoned.

stoned cat

Sunday, June 26, 2005
posted by buddy on Sunday, June 26, 2005 at 11:58 PM in category the human

Some of you may be bothered by the fact that Happy, Nugget, and I hardly ever post anything.

But really, if you think about it - what are we supposed to write about?

We're cats after all.

It's not like our lives are full of interesting events. We all mostly just sleep and eat and poop.

Sometimes stuff does happen that's worth writing about though.

Stuff like the fact that it's a zillion degrees in this house and the stupid human isn't doing anything about it. He's just sitting there watching TV.

It's not like we ask for much. Just that he feeds us, pets us, cleans our litterbox, and plays with us every now and then.

And keep us safe from harm. That's an important one.

Now maybe I'm just being overly dramatic, but wouldn't roasting to death count as harm? Wouldn't you think that once he saw how we were suffering in this heat that he'd, I dunno, TURN THE AIR CONDITIONING BACK ON?

It may be time to find a new human. I think this one may be defective.

Monday, March 21, 2005
posted by happy on Monday, March 21, 2005 at 8:44 PM in category the human

Today the human slept all day long.

Before you say anything, I know that all I do is sleep all day. But the human usually doesn't - he only sleeps at night and sometimes for a little while in the evening.

But today, he slept all day long. On the couch. And my food bowl was almost empty.

I tried several times to wake him up. I tried smelling his eyes. I tried jumping up and down on his tummy. I tried licking his nose. I even tried swatting him in the face with my tail.

Nothing worked. He just kept sleeping.

Heck, even Nugget and Buddy got into the act. Buddy would meow and Nugget would whine, but all the human would do is maybe just turn over and sleep some more.

Eventually, Buddy had the brilliant idea of knocking the lampshade onto the human's head. That woke him up real quick! And the good thing was that it was Buddy that got yelled at!

Once it got almost dark again the human finally got up and poured some food in the bowl, so I went and ate some food before it was all gone.

Friday, March 18, 2005
posted by buddy on Friday, March 18, 2005 at 3:07 PM in category the human

The human is playing dumb.

He's pretending that there aren't birds outside, and not only that, he's pretending that he doesn't understanding me when I yell:

Hey human! There are birds outside! Either let me out or go catch some birds and bring them to me! Do it now! If you don't I will poop on your floor! You have been warned!

I mean, how much more clear could I be?

The human never hesitates to tell Nugget when the outside cats or that ugly-assed opossum is outside. I guess he might do that because Nugget is stupid.

Well I'm not stupid, but even I can't figure out how to get outside to eat some birds. I need the human's help, and he pretends that he doesn't understand. What a jerk.

Oh, I would really like a yummy bird right about now.

Sunday, September 12, 2004
posted by buddy on Sunday, September 12, 2004 at 8:46 PM in category the human

Last night was horrible!

I got trapped in the human's office all night long!

This morning when he found me he tried to act all apologetic and stuff but it will take much more than that to make up for this mistreatment.

Maybe if he gave me a treat.

Yes, that would do it.

Monday, August 30, 2004
posted by nugget on Monday, August 30, 2004 at 10:06 PM in category the human

Lately the human has become obsessed with petting me.

I can't sit still for more than ten minutes before he starts calling my name and stuff. Then he tries to be all sneaky-like, pretending that all he wants to do is give me a quick petting, but then he grabs me and carries me to the couch!

I try to humor the poor thing and let myself be petted and brushed, but I really wish he'd lay off and go bother Happy or Buddy for a while.

The human should know by now that the only time I completely trust him is when we're in the water room and he lets me drink the water from the faucet.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so darn cute!

Wednesday, May 12, 2004
posted by nugget on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 at 7:02 PM in category the human

Normally on a day like today I'd be posting about the scary thing that happened.

Today, for instance, there were strange humans spraying water all over the house.

But for some reason I just didn't feel scared. It was just too strange to seem scary. I mean - what kind of drugs does a human have to be on to spend an entire day spraying water on a house?

Hello - water falls from the sky on a regular basis.

It's called rain. Look it up.

Thursday, January 29, 2004
posted by happy on Thursday, January 29, 2004 at 11:31 AM in category the human

Just when I thought it was safe to store poop on my butt again, the human has started with the whole "bath" thing all over again.

Two days in a row he's put me in the little water room and sprayed water on my behind.

Not only is this very undignified, it makes my butt cold for a few hours until the water dries off.

Thursday, November 27, 2003
posted by nugget on Thursday, November 27, 2003 at 11:05 AM in category the human

Last night the human tried out a new recipe for cooking me. He didn't want to ruin me if the recipe didn't work so he tried it on a big bird.

The big bird got cooked in the oven and, God help me, it really smelled good! Then the human started cutting it up and he even gave pieces of it to us cats!

It tasted good, and I started to freak out since I figured that the recipe worked and that the human would surely cook me next. Then Buddy pointed out it was a really big bird and that it would be a couple of days at least before the human ran out of meat and came looking for me.

So I'm thankful for the big bird for giving its life so I could live another couple of days.

Maybe I'll get lucky and the human will forget the recipe.

Wednesday, October 29, 2003
posted by buddy on Wednesday, October 29, 2003 at 7:54 PM in category the human

Well today the human decided to once again grace us with his presence. I don't know where he went for four days and I don't care. I just know that the litterbox was not cleaned every few minutes the way I require, and I showed my displeasure by going in the dining room a few times. That'll show him.

Meanwhile, Happy and Nugget are beside themselves with glee that the human came back. I don't know what the big deal is. I mean, I guess he's kind of nice to have around sometimes, but there's no need act like a bunch of wiggling puppies, for God's sake.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003
posted by happy on Tuesday, October 28, 2003 at 2:22 AM in category the human

Today was the third day that the human has been gone, and I've got to accept that he will never be back.

The food lady, or maybe the vacuum lady, mumbled something about "wednesday" but I don't know what that meant. I think "wednesday" might mean "he's never coming back so you better start rationing your food."

When I think of the olden days when the human was here, the first thing I think of is the food. I remember that sometimes he'd give us canned food, and sometime's he'd give us dry food. It was all good.

Another thing I remember is that the human would brush me every morning before he went to "work" and every night before he went to sleep. I like the brush so much. I wonder if the vacuum lady or the food lady will brush me now that the human is gone.

Sometimes the human would make a "happy toy" out of cellophane and I'd get to play with it for a while before Buddy would take it and hide it.

Just the day before the human left he gave Buddy and me some treats from The Treat Drawer in the kitchen. He tried to give Nugget a treat but Nugget is scared of them so I got an extra one.

I will miss the human. I hope that he's happy wherever he went. I also hope that the food lady comes tomorrow to top off the food dispenser and clean the litterbox.

Sunday, September 28, 2003
posted by buddy on Sunday, September 28, 2003 at 2:48 AM in category the human

I don't think I'm being irrational here. All I want is for the human to clean the litterbox within 10 seconds of any cat using it.

Heck, I'll even give him a full minute if he's busy putting out cat food.

It's bad enough that I have to do my business with Nugget sitting there staring at me all the time. Having to step around Happy and Nugget's piles is just too much.

Saturday, September 27, 2003
posted by happy on Saturday, September 27, 2003 at 11:35 PM in category the human

I don't know why the human keeps butting into my business.

Every time my rear end gets even a little bit of poop caught in the matted fur he grabs me and puts me in the water!

Now I like to drink water. I like to watch water fall from the faucet, and I even like to dip my paw in water sometimes. What I do not like is to have my rear end submerged in the stuff.

To make matters worse, the human doesn't just get me all wet. He also takes a comb and scissors and starts poking at my rear end until all of the poop I was saving back there gets dislodged.

He seems to have this compulsion to keep my butt free from clinging poop. If I wanted the stuff cleaned off my butt I'd lose about 15 pounds so I could reach and clean my own butt.

posted by nugget on Saturday, September 27, 2003 at 2:33 PM in category the human

I don't know why, but the human never lets me eat any plastic. This morning I found some new plastic in the basement trash can. I was happily spreading it around the room, stopping to snack every now and then, not causing anyone any harm, when the human comes down and picks up all the plastic and takes it upstairs.

Why won't he allow me a simple pleasure like eating plastic. He's just so mean!