Last night it snowed outside!

When it snows the human always turns on the outside light so I can watch all the snowflakes fall onto the deck. I like to sit by the window and scare the snowflakes as they pass in front of me. They're so stupid! They don't realize that I can't even get through the glass!

Last night the human tried out a new recipe for cooking me. He didn't want to ruin me if the recipe didn't work so he tried it on a big bird.

The big bird got cooked in the oven and, God help me, it really smelled good! Then the human started cutting it up and he even gave pieces of it to us cats!

It tasted good, and I started to freak out since I figured that the recipe worked and that the human would surely cook me next. Then Buddy pointed out it was a really big bird and that it would be a couple of days at least before the human ran out of meat and came looking for me.

So I'm thankful for the big bird for giving its life so I could live another couple of days.

Maybe I'll get lucky and the human will forget the recipe.

So Friday the vacuum lady comes and does her vacuum thing. I remember that the vacuum lady used to give me food, but this "diet" thing that the human is doing to me has apparently put a stop to that. Now when the vacuum lady shows up there's nothing in it for me but terror.

Later that night the human came home with a big box. I was pretty excited about the box because, you know, it could have FOOD in it. But it didn't have food. It had a vacuum cleaner in it. Before I could even come to grips with this information the new vacuum woke up and pulled the human around the room for a while. Luckily he was able to control it and it eventually went back to sleep.

The next day the human came home with another big box, and you may not believe this but there was ANOTHER vacuum cleaner in it! It came in a lot of pieces and I thought that meant it was dead but the human put it all together and fixed it! Why would he do that?

This new vacuum cleaner woke up and pulled the human through every room in the house before he finally wrestled it into the closet!

So now there are three living vacuums in the house, plus a couple of dead ones in the box room, and those really loud ones that spray water.

It's quite an infestation we've got here.

If the human brings home another box tonight I may have to move.

Aieeeeeee!

The outside cat came inside the house today!

It was just horrible! The human came home and got a cup of food for the outside cat like always. But this time when the human tried to go to the garage to feed the outside cat she ran into the house! Just like she was in charge of the place instead of Buddy!

I went to my secret hiding place and luckily the outside cat didn't find me and kill me. I think the human managed to get her to go back to the garage, perhaps by telling her that I was hiding there.

The outside cat is so scary! She's got one regular eye but one EVIL EYE that really creeps me out. Buddy says that means that the outside cat cannot see very well but I'm scared that the EVIL EYE allows her to see through the floor and walls to my secret hiding place!

I sure hope Buddy is right or I won't be safe anywhere!

As I write this it's been over 15 hours since I last ate.

The human put some food in the bowl this morning as usual, but there's been nothing since. When the human went into the shower this evening I knew he was going to go out for the night, but I never dreamed that he'd forget to feed us before he left.

It's been two days since I've had any canned food, and, like I said, fifteen hours since I had any dry food. I know I cannot survive much longer.

I blame Happy for this. If he wasn't so damn fat the human would never have put him (us!) on a diet and there'd be food all the time.

So goodbye, birds. Goodbye, squirrels. Goodbye, ugly cat that lives outside. Goodbye to everything and everyone. And when you die, and you see me on the other side of the rainbow bridge, do not try to talk to me, as I will pretend that I don't know you.

Dear Vacuum Lady,

I live at the humans house. I'm the gray cat. I'm really sorry to bother
you, but I'm at my wit's end.

The lid is missing from the little bathroom here at the human's house. The
human likes to rub catnip powder on the lid and I like to lick the powder.
Since the lid is missing I haven't got to lick any catnip powder and I think
I'm going through withdrawals or something.

Buddy says the last time he saw the lid was just before the last time you
came to the human's house. Did you take the lid? If you did can you please
please please bring it back or tell me where you put it?

If you give the lid back please don't put poison on it first.

If you can help please bring me back the lid.

Sincerely,

Nugget J. Siltz

Whoopee! YeeHaw! Yay!

I just wish I could remember what I'm so excited about.