Lately the human has become obsessed with petting me.

I can't sit still for more than ten minutes before he starts calling my name and stuff. Then he tries to be all sneaky-like, pretending that all he wants to do is give me a quick petting, but then he grabs me and carries me to the couch!

I try to humor the poor thing and let myself be petted and brushed, but I really wish he'd lay off and go bother Happy or Buddy for a while.

The human should know by now that the only time I completely trust him is when we're in the water room and he lets me drink the water from the faucet.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so darn cute!

The human has stopped giving us food.

I mean, he hasn't stopped FEEDING us, he just stopped giving us FOOD to eat.

What we get instead are these disgusting little pellets that look like food but aren't.

Buddy says that the little pellets are "diet" cat food and that it's because I'm so fat and because Nugget couldn't pee that one time.

I'm unfamiliar with this word "diet" but I do know what "food" is and these pellets are not food.

I want to know why Buddy always blames everything on me and Nugget. Like he's so perfect or something. At least Nugget and I know how to use the stupid litterbox.

I like to look out the window, waiting for the outside cat to show up to eat. It's fun to scratch at the window like I'm going to get her! Sometimes she even notices me.

Recently there's been a new attraction - a miniature ugly cat!

Buddy says it's a baby of the normal-sized ugly cat (Buddy made up the word "opossum" for it) but that would mean that the ugly cat had sex and nothing that ugly could ever even get a date!

Buddy thinks he's so smart, but I know better.

The miniature ugly cat is obviously a horrible mutant, and the mutations were obviously caused by some horrible chemical agent that the vacuum lady is testing out before setting a trap for me! The vacuum lady is always spraying stuff all over the house, but luckily I've been immune to her potions so far.

I'd better keep a close eye on the miniature mutated ugly cat just in case it's contagious.

Well it looks like the human has finally fixed whatever it was that was broken, because I was able to log in again.

Luckily not much has been going on here that was worth posting about EXCEPT:

The curse I put on the outside cat seems to be working. She just keeps getting thinner and thinner. I feel a little bad for her but I had to teach her a lesson for that one time she ran into the house and ate some of MY food.

One day a few weeks ago Nugget started freaking out because he couldn't pee. I thought that was pretty cool - he wouldn't be using MY litterbox as much - but the human felt sorry for the little brat and put him in the Cage of Doom and took him to the shot lady's house. When Nugget came home he smelled like medicine and now he can pee again.

Shortly after that, maybe even the same day, the human changed our brand of food. The new stuff tastes okay I guess, but I really liked the chewy centers of the old food.

Let's see, about the only other thing that's been going on has been that Happy is going through some kind of midlife crisis or something. He's running and jumping all over the place and one time he even managed to get his fat ass up on the kitchen counter. Then he was too scared to jump back down so he had to wait for the human to come home. That was pretty funny.