I don't like days like today.

First, the vacuum lady showed up. At first I thought it was the human returning from work, but instead the vacuum lady came waltzing in and started poking around all over. She acts like she's cleaning but I know she's really trying to find my secret hiding place so she can torture me!

Once the vacumm lady left and the human came home for real I thought things would settle back down to normal. But nooooooooooooo! After a while the doorbell rang! It was "the pizza guy" and even though the human kept telling me it was safe I ran and hid until I was sure this "pizza guy" had left. I just can't trust anyone walking around carrying boxes like that. I mean, what's in the boxes? Dead cats? Torture devices? I don't know and I don't want to find out.

Just wanted to let you cats know what all the ruckus in the garage was this afternoon.

As you've probably guessed, I feed Spook (that's the "outside cat" to you guys) in the garage when I get home each day. I figure you're used to that by now.

Today Spook was joined for his evening meal by "Yellow Cat" and Spook did not want the company. They got into a bit of a hissing and growling match.

While Yellow Cat won the initial battle, Spook eventually won the war by not running away at mach 5 when I stuck my head in the garage to tell them both to shut up.

Nugget, I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear that all that noise was NOT caused by a new cat-torture device I'm inventing in the garage.

Strange miniature humans!

Today some miniature humans came to the house! They ran around outside, luckily never setting foot inside. I even saw one of them chasing the outside cat around the deck! I was sure the outside cat was a goner, but the miniature human got distracted by some leaves and let the outside cat live.

Well. yes. Duh.

I know you guys think I'm weird for not eating the canned food, but I just can't help it. I keep picturing myself, chopped up and shoved into a can.

I know the human probably won't kill and eat me, but those other humans - they still give me the creeps. I can't help but imagine the horrible things they're planning for me.

When they kill me, chop me up and shove chunks of my body into a can, are you guys seriously going to wolf me down like you did the canned food you got tonight?

Hooray! Tonight the human gave us CANNED cat food!

What a special treat! We got "Savory Duck with Egg" and it was as good as ever!

I couldn't help but notice, however, that Nugget was as usual scared of the canned food. He didn't eat any of it. Buddy ended up eating Nugget's portion.

I'm worried that Nugget will starve if he doesn't get over his fear of canned food.

Something is terribly wrong with the world. The food bowl in the kitchen is empty once again.

The food bowl used to never be empty. Now the human only puts a little bit of food in it twice a day. How am I (forget Buddy and Nugget) supposed to survive by only eating twice a day?

The human keeps saying the word "diet" when he looks at me. What does this "diet" word mean? I'm not familiar with it. Buddy thinks that it means that the human thinks I'm too fat, and that this "diet" thing is supposed to make me skinny.

So what if I'm a little on the big side? It's not like I've got anyone here to impress.

Today the human played a mean joke. He brought The Cage of Doom in from the garage!

The last time we saw The Cage was a week ago when it had the crotch-biting kitten in it, and we all thought he had brought the little vermin back!

Nugget took off running for the basement, and I was just about to go down there anyway so I joined him.

The Cage of Doom turned out to be empty, so after a while Nugget (that scardy!) went back upstairs. I felt like going up there so I did.

That was not a very funny joke to play on Nugget!

I don't think I'm being irrational here. All I want is for the human to clean the litterbox within 10 seconds of any cat using it.

Heck, I'll even give him a full minute if he's busy putting out cat food.

It's bad enough that I have to do my business with Nugget sitting there staring at me all the time. Having to step around Happy and Nugget's piles is just too much.

I don't know why the human keeps butting into my business.

Every time my rear end gets even a little bit of poop caught in the matted fur he grabs me and puts me in the water!

Now I like to drink water. I like to watch water fall from the faucet, and I even like to dip my paw in water sometimes. What I do not like is to have my rear end submerged in the stuff.

To make matters worse, the human doesn't just get me all wet. He also takes a comb and scissors and starts poking at my rear end until all of the poop I was saving back there gets dislodged.

He seems to have this compulsion to keep my butt free from clinging poop. If I wanted the stuff cleaned off my butt I'd lose about 15 pounds so I could reach and clean my own butt.