Well it looks like the human has finally fixed whatever it was that was broken, because I was able to log in again.

Luckily not much has been going on here that was worth posting about EXCEPT:

The curse I put on the outside cat seems to be working. She just keeps getting thinner and thinner. I feel a little bad for her but I had to teach her a lesson for that one time she ran into the house and ate some of MY food.

One day a few weeks ago Nugget started freaking out because he couldn't pee. I thought that was pretty cool - he wouldn't be using MY litterbox as much - but the human felt sorry for the little brat and put him in the Cage of Doom and took him to the shot lady's house. When Nugget came home he smelled like medicine and now he can pee again.

Shortly after that, maybe even the same day, the human changed our brand of food. The new stuff tastes okay I guess, but I really liked the chewy centers of the old food.

Let's see, about the only other thing that's been going on has been that Happy is going through some kind of midlife crisis or something. He's running and jumping all over the place and one time he even managed to get his fat ass up on the kitchen counter. Then he was too scared to jump back down so he had to wait for the human to come home. That was pretty funny.

Normally on a day like today I'd be posting about the scary thing that happened.

Today, for instance, there were strange humans spraying water all over the house.

But for some reason I just didn't feel scared. It was just too strange to seem scary. I mean - what kind of drugs does a human have to be on to spend an entire day spraying water on a house?

Hello - water falls from the sky on a regular basis.

It's called rain. Look it up.

I'm always kidding Nugget for being such a chicken-shit. He's scared of his own shadow and cowers in fear every time the human's telephone rings.

This time he's right to be scared. Hell I'm scared too and I'm regarded as a pretty brave cat.

No amount of bravery, however, can cancel out the incredible terror caused by scores of humans stomping and pounding and ripping on the roof of the house for what seems like days and days.

They arrived yesterday morning just after the human left for work. Several trucks filled with humans speaking a strange language and leaning climbing toys against the house.

I tried to get them to leave by pooping on the floor, but they didn't seem to care. One of them even looked in though the window and stared right at me!

The next thing that happened you probably won't believe, but it's really true. The strange humans started taking the human's house apart!! They kept ripping things off the roof and flinging them to the ground!!

It was then that I figured out what the strange humans were doing. They were going to dig through the roof and kill and eat us cats!! And not just Nugget!! They were going to eat me and Happy too!!

Once I figured out their evil plan I knew what I had to do.

First I pooped on the floor again. Second I got my ass downstairs and joined Happy and Nugget in the hiding room.

For hours and hours the strange humans tore at the roof. I could hear their evil laughing and their devil language. I was sure that at any moment they would come bursting into the hiding room and we'd all be goners!

Somehow, I don't know how, but somehow the roof has managed to withstand their assault. The human came home and the other humans left. Probably to terrorize other houses.

Funny, but the human didn't seem as mad about his roof being all torn up as I'd have thought he'd be.

Lately the outside cat has been joined by the yellow cat and the mostly-black cat for its evening meals on the porch.

I like to glare at all the cats through the window. Then when I get their attention I scratch at the glass and really freak them out!

Sometimes they even stop eating, 'cause they know I'm so tough!

One of my favorite things has always been when the human turns on the faucet so I can drink water.

That has all changed now. The water tastes funny. Buddy says that the new cat trap in the basement is really a water softener and that's why the water tastes different.

All I know is that I don't like it. I hope the human gets rid of the thing in the basement.

The last few weeks have been horrible!

Between the humans coming to catch me, and the outside cat coming into the house (and staying!) I haven't really been myself.

Today there was parade of humans here to kill me! One of them set up some kind of elaborate trap in the basement. I could here him banging away on the pipes for most of the morning.

Another one kept turning the lights off and on. He kept coming into the box room, but luckily he never found me.

And I don't even want to think about all the humans I heard talking upstairs. There must have been million of them!

I'm not big enough to feed a million humans. Can't they see that and just leave me alone?

Happy's fat. Maybe they should eat him first and then maybe they'd be too full to look for me.

You can always tell that Spring is coming when the ugly cat shows up outside.

Buddy says it's an "Opossum" but why would an "Opossum" - whatever that is - eat CAT food that the human puts out for the outside cat?

Huh? Why? That's what I thought.

Silly Buddy.

For the last week the outside cat has been living in the house.

One night when it got real cold I guess the human felt sorry for it, and let it in.

Now it won't leave.

Nugget is even more jittery than usual and I think even the human is regretting his admittedly nice gesture.

I've decided to try to help out by asking the outside cat to leave. Not wanting to appear rude, I'm not doing anything like hissing or scratching at the outside cat. Instead I'm using a much more sophisticated method way to get my message across.

Every time I see or hear the outside cat, I simply poop on the floor. What could be simpler? My house, my floor, my poop, get out.

Unfortunately the outside cat doesn't seem to be getting the message, and I'm also running out of poop.

As a last resort, I think I'll switch to puking up hairballs. That's not as classy as pooping, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Just when I thought it was safe to store poop on my butt again, the human has started with the whole "bath" thing all over again.

Two days in a row he's put me in the little water room and sprayed water on my behind.

Not only is this very undignified, it makes my butt cold for a few hours until the water dries off.

I should have known something was going on.

First, the vacuum lady shows up twice in three days. Then, the food lady comes and sprays water all over the floor! Finally, the human cleaned his office. That alone should have been enough to tip me off.

But it wasn't.

I'm lucky to be alive.

Tonight every human on the planet came to the human's house to try to kill me! They started showing up this evening. The food lady was the first one here, and she brought a miniature human with her. I barely had time to get to my secret hiding place before the humans just started pouring in.

There were miniature humans, wrinkly humans, humans of all shapes and sizes. They were all united with one goal - to catch and kill me!

I could tell that this human invasion was no laughing matter when Buddy and Happy came into the box room to hide with me. They never do that.

For hours the humans searched the house for me. I could hear the miniature humans especially well - they'd run up and down the stairs trying to flush me out. One time a strange lady human came in to the box room, but luckily Happy scared her off before she saw me. Happy is my hero. Later the vacuum lady came in and almost caught me!

After a long time all the humans left, probably to go to some other house to find a worse hider than me! I'm so glad I have such a good secret hiding place or I'd be a goner for sure!