I sit here wanting to type an entry but I find myself lacking the words.
Actually I'm not exactly lacking for words, just coherent thoughts.
My thoughts are evolving too quickly. I can't get my brain wrapped around anything long enough to make a sentence out of it.
Shock, sadness, relief, anger, disappointment, curiosity, blame, determination, grief, fear, speculation, impatience, regret, doubt, depression, wonder, pessimism, optimism, nervousness, callousness, understanding, drama, accusation, resignation...
I could go on and on. At night, instead of allowing me to sleep, my mind takes these and countless other thoughts and creates elaborate storylines that branch madly, twisting and weaving, joining and separating, spreading and collapsing. None ever finish. None ever get wrapped up in the end. I resolve nothing then finally I sleep out of sheer exhaustion.
The simple facts are that I don't know what to think, or what to say, or what to do. I don't even know if I should think or say or do anything.
Things are as they are. Life is not a movie where you get to live happily ever-after. There might not be a pot of gold for every rainbow, or a silver lining for every cloud, or a dawn for every dark night.
I suppose I'll keep looking for those things though. I'm at least open to the possibility of their existence. I've at least learned that much.