You know what's annoying?

I know who she is now. I say it all the time. I'll mention her name, and whoever I'm talking to will ask, "Who's that again? Did I meet her?"

"She's the one," I'll say.

I don't hesitate at all. There's no doubt in my mind, not now. But back when it mattered, back when it might have made a difference, doubt tainted every thought and every action and every word in my life. And now, I can't find it anywhere. It's gone, like it never existed at all.

There's nothing I could have done differently. I know it. She knows it. I did what I had to do, said what I had to say, felt what I had to feel. And so did she.

We're not even friends anymore. Not really. We're just ghosts that haunt each other from time to time.

And so now I know, without a doubt, who she is, and it's too late. Sometimes I think it was too late before it even began.

I found the one.

Now, I have to find another one.

Hope that there's another one.

And hope that doubt doesn't come back.