posted by dave on Sunday, September 26, 2004 at 6:58 PM in category ramblings

Today I wrote a letter.

Probably not a very good one but a very long one.

The topic: private.

The contents: private.

Although I have this 'blog, and I sometimes post crap that just seems way too personal about myself, my life, and the people in my life, there are some things that need to remain private.

This letter is one of them.

I'll have it ready if I ever need it, though some things should probably be said in person.

I think the reason I mention it here is to say how exhilarating it was, after so many weeks of wrapping things up in metaphors and obscure references, to be able to simply write something both true and comprehensible.

I've read that a lot of real writers, when asked why they write, answer the same way.

You don't write because you can. You write because you must. To not write would be to deny who you are.

Now of course I'm far from being a real writer, but I do seem to have this itch that can only be scratched by stringing words together and giving them some permanence - whether on paper, a computer file, or the Internet itself.

This letter I wrote today was freeing. I was able to say what I wanted without fear of repercussions because I had already decided to never send the letter..

It was a lot like my old journals that only I ever read. In those journals is the real me (at least the real me back when I wrote the things) - not some watered-down version of me so tempered by a desire for approval and acceptance that the "me" is nearly unrecognizable.

An example of the real me from 1991:

Went to a party with (private) tonight. Some guys had a fight and broke the neighbors' window so we left in a hurry before the cops showed up. As we walked back to were(sic) we'd parked I really wanted to thrown(sic) (private) down and fuck her right there, or at least hold her hand or something. But of course I didn't because I'm a good person after all.

Just keep telling yourself that, Dave. You may actually believe it someday.

post a comment

If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.

I'll pretty much approve anything except SPAM comments, or comments that clearly have no purpose except to piss me off, or comments that are insulting to a previous commenter.

Use anything you want for your name and email address. I think it has to at least look like a valid email address though.

mysterious gray box mysterious blue box mysterious red box mysterious green box mysterious gold box

search main 'blog





Search word(s)
   help me!

blog favorites

the convenience of grief
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
nothing personal
the one
dream sweet dreams for me
the willow bends and so do i
on bloodied ground
lack of inertia
thinning the herd
or maybe not
here's looking at you
what i miss
who wants to play?
feverish thoughts
the devil inside?
my cat ate my homework
don't say i didn't warn you
my god, it's full of stars
hold on a second, koko, i'm writing something
you know?
apples and oranges
happy new year
pissing on the inside
remembering dad

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.