posted by dave on Sunday, October 17, 2004 at 1:14 AM in category ramblings

Hey shithead,

I have nothing to be ashamed about.

No matter how you try to spin it the central fact stays the same, a very important person in my life has gone away. Maybe forever for all I know.

I don't really care how pathetic you think it is that this has affected me this much.

I'm sad and I have every fucking right to be sad.

It would be worse if I wasn't sad. That would pretty much invalidate the last six months of my life. It's for this reason that I'm not even pretending to be unaffected.

So take your armchair therapy and shove it up your ass.

You fucking prick. I'd like to see how you'd handle the same situation.

But before that could happen you'd have to have an actual friend, and I don't expect that to happen anytime soon.

You sit there all fucking smug and you say you'd never let yourself get into my situation. You think you're better than me?

You're an asshole.

And if you spend the rest of your life never being hurt it will be because you never let anyone get close to you at all.

This situation I'm in - I certainly didn't ask for this. I didn't want it. I didn't see it coming.

And I wouldn't erase it if I could.

I know that a week ago I'd have given anything to undo what's been done. But these are interesting times I live in. I've been able to see through the pain of the last two weeks and appreciate what it took to get me to this point.

I've been able to realize what I've gained that has not been lost.

I've regained my humanity, and if the process is painful then that's because it's worth the pain.

So I hurt, big deal. I have a hole in my life, big whoop. I also have some things you'll never have while you sit all snug in your self-righteousness.

I have feelings.

I have the ability to value another person's happiness before my own.

I have the ability to hope, and to imagine the good instead of the merely safe.

post a comment

If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.

I'll pretty much approve anything except SPAM comments, or comments that clearly have no purpose except to piss me off, or comments that are insulting to a previous commenter.

Use anything you want for your name and email address. I think it has to at least look like a valid email address though.

mysterious gray box mysterious blue box mysterious red box mysterious green box mysterious gold box

search main 'blog





Search word(s)
   help me!

blog favorites

the convenience of grief
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
nothing personal
the one
dream sweet dreams for me
the willow bends and so do i
on bloodied ground
lack of inertia
thinning the herd
or maybe not
here's looking at you
what i miss
who wants to play?
feverish thoughts
the devil inside?
my cat ate my homework
don't say i didn't warn you
my god, it's full of stars
hold on a second, koko, i'm writing something
you know?
apples and oranges
happy new year
pissing on the inside
remembering dad

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.