posted by dave on Tuesday, February 1, 2005 at 12:13 AM in category ramblings

Spent the better part of this evening crafting a long entry.

When I finally finished it, I read it to check for typos and such.

Then I read it again because, well, it was good.

No, scratch that. It was brilliant. It was insightful, funny, sad, and hopeful. It was easily the best thing I've ever written.

This was the entry I needed to write, the entry I've had building up inside me for a long time.

You, my readers, would have loved this entry. You would have laughed. You would have cried. Some of you would have offered yourselves to me sexually. Such was the power of my words tonight.

It explained with metaphor and analogy and humor and innuendo those things that I'd given up as unexplainable. In its mission to explain and describe the truth, it transcended the truth and revealed meanings and motivations inside me that even I didn't know existed.

There was, however, one problem. I couldn't post the thing.

There are things that I've tried very hard to put behind me. Topics that I've sworn to avoid. Though these demons still live inside me, I've resolved to keep them in check, to prevent them from ever hurting me or anyone else again.

I've gotten pretty good at it, for the most part.

Tonight, facing a mental block once again, I found myself calling for their help, and they gladly obliged. They scrambled through my mind, unlocking doors and reopening passages through which, until recently, they'd roamed freely. Tonight they were no longer my enemies. Tonight they became my allies - no longer tearing and ripping away inside me but instead providing only gentle hints and reminders of the truth.

Tonight they led me to where the truth was, but they didn't try to force it on me. They let me recognize it on my own.

Tonight they led me back to myself, and when I saw what had become of me I nearly wept from the force of that vision.

My fingers flew across the keyboard. I never doubted a single thought, a single sentence, or a single revelation. Everything was so clear. The thoughts just flowed out of me. It was an epiphany.

It was just so damn freeing!

Yet, still, I couldn't post the thing.

My wounds have finally healed, but there are people with their own demons, entwined at times with my own. I cannot, should not, will not awaken their demons just to show off what is, in the end, just a good piece of writing. They are not ready for their demons to awaken. They may never be.

So, I've saved this entry, this culmination of my brief experiment with writing, to my hard drive. I'll keep it available, lest I ever need it again, lest I ever find myself becoming lost again. I'll keep it handy, but I won't be posting it.

You would have loved it though.

post a comment

If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.

I'll pretty much approve anything except SPAM comments, or comments that clearly have no purpose except to piss me off, or comments that are insulting to a previous commenter.

Use anything you want for your name and email address. I think it has to at least look like a valid email address though.

mysterious gray box mysterious blue box mysterious red box mysterious green box mysterious gold box

search main 'blog





Search word(s)
   help me!

blog favorites

the convenience of grief
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
nothing personal
the one
dream sweet dreams for me
the willow bends and so do i
on bloodied ground
lack of inertia
thinning the herd
or maybe not
here's looking at you
what i miss
who wants to play?
feverish thoughts
the devil inside?
my cat ate my homework
don't say i didn't warn you
my god, it's full of stars
hold on a second, koko, i'm writing something
you know?
apples and oranges
happy new year
pissing on the inside
remembering dad

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.