So here's a list of some things I couldn't care less about.
Note that I said couldn't instead of could. People who say I could care less about whatever are idiots - unless they're actually trying to say that they do care about whatever it is.
As with all my lists, this one is not meant to be all-inclusive.
1. Celebrity Trials
O.J. Simpson. Michael Jackson. Robert Blake. I just don't fucking care. I mean, I wish The Juice and Baretta would refrain from murdering people, and I wish that Jacko could resist his urge to suck tiny cocks, but I just don't have the need to be bombarded with news of these trials like the fate of the universe hangs in the balance. I guess I should count the Petersen trial here too. Sure it's sad that a pretty pregnant woman got murdered, but just how does that affect me?
2. The NCAA Tournament
The only televised sport I even remotely give a shit about is professional baseball, and my enthusiasm for even that has waned quite a bit since I left Seattle. Just play the damn games and, in the end, tell us who won. Even then, I still won't care, but when a local team loses I do find it pretty amusing because everybody at work goes into a funk.
3. Paris Hilton
Okay, so she's rich, I get that. And she's got nice tits. Whoopee. There are a zillion other rich women with nice tits out there. Many of them also *gasp* have sex with their boyfriends. What's the big deal with her sex tape, and furthermore, why is she on my TV every time I turn it on?
Those are just the things that popped into my head as I sat down to type this entry. There are countless more. I care about things that affect me and the people I love. I couldn't care less (note: proper usage again) about Martha Stewart getting richer, or about that one chick that just had her feeding tube removed, or about congressional subpoenas issued to steroid-ridden athletes.
I'm just selfish that way.