posted by dave on Saturday, April 9, 2005 at 12:20 PM in category ramblings

Last night a friend asked me what I wanted.

I don't remember how I answered. Probably with some bullshit cop-out.

Oh, I didn't lie, I just didn't quite tell the whole truth.

The fact is, what I want doesn't matter. It's irrelevant.

What does matter, what is relevant, is the sad truth that what I want stands in firm opposition to what is possible and what is right.

I think this is the case for most people most of the time. Really, how often do we get what we want?

I'm not talking about the little things. You want ice cream, you go get some. You want to sleep, you take a nap.

But start wanting to win the lottery, and things get a little tougher.

Start wanting things like everlasting happiness and love, and you'll probably be better off forking out the cash for those Powerball tickets.

My friend probably thinks I'm stupid. Stupid for finally knowing exactly what I want (something some people never do) but not fighting for it.

Maybe she's right. Maybe I am stupid. Maybe I'm just scared.

Hell, I'm sure that I'm both of those things, and quite a few other things as well.

But some things that I'm not are insensitive, or mean, or selfish. Fighting for what I want, when I know that it's not the right thing to do, that's just not in my nature.

Or maybe this is just another bullshit cop-out.

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