posted by dave on Monday, July 4, 2005 at 7:17 PM in category comics, ramblings


The above illustrates some of the earliest advice my father ever gave me about women. The thinking was that I should be as nice as possible to all of the women I met. That way, even if they themselves weren't interested in me romantically, they'd be sure to know someone who might be. By being nice to all women I stood the best chance of getting a good recommendation.

Make sense, right? Wrong!

That scene may have been perfectly valid in the year 1955, when my father was learning about women as he fought off dinosaurs and stockpiled food for the coming ice age. But now, in 2005, here's what's much more likely to happen:


I'm convinced that this is happening all over the world. Women today (and men too) are no longer looking for the one. They're looking for anyone. If they happen to find their true love and live happily ever after, then they got very lucky. And I hate them.

But most, like about 99.9999999999999% of us, don't get so lucky. We're just getting by, and we're usually pretty sure, deep down, that whoever is currently filling that romantic void in our lives will not be there forever.

So we start looking for the next victim, er, companion even while we're still with the current one. We'll set up a sort of batting order in our heads so we're always ready, so we're never alone.

Women have a much easier time of this than men do. Some women may disagree with that statement, but no man anywhere on Earth would disagree with it.

Men, in general, do get attached to one particular woman. Women, in general, get attached to the idea of being attached. So women generally have a much easier time moving on. Please note that I didn't say easy, I said easier.

I know I'm going to get flamed for this, but I think I'm right. And what's more, I had a long conversation with one of my ex-girlfriends about this the other night. Most of this stuff came from her.

And I know that there are many exceptions for every generalization. That's why it's called that instead of a certainty.

So where am I going with this? Oh, yeah.

The point I wanted to make here was the this could explain that curious phenomenon that men have been puzzling over.

When you see a nice sweet girl with a fucking asshole, it may not actually be because, deep down, women like assholes. It just might be that these jerks are the only ones left that haven't had a "reserved" sign hung around their neck by some other woman.

Read this carefully, guys - it may be important.

If I'm right, then the trick to finding a good woman is not to be too nice. If you're too nice, you're going to end up as somebody's fallback guy and you'll be lucky if you ever even get your finger wet.

Also, you can't be too much of a jerk, for more obvious reasons.

The trick, if I'm right, would be to just be of average niceness, but to be sure and be a prick every now and then too. You're not nice enough to really flash on anybody's radar, and you're not mean enough to get the wrong kind of reputation. Be quiet and mysterious. Be aloof but friendly. Walk that line.

You can be an asshole, but not so much of one that you seem incurable. You can be a nice guy, but not so nice that women start putting you into their batting order.

Hey, this could actually work!

Man I've posted a lot today.

post a comment

If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.

I'll pretty much approve anything except SPAM comments, or comments that clearly have no purpose except to piss me off, or comments that are insulting to a previous commenter.

Use anything you want for your name and email address. I think it has to at least look like a valid email address though.

mysterious gray box mysterious blue box mysterious red box mysterious green box mysterious gold box

search main 'blog





Search word(s)
   help me!

blog favorites

the convenience of grief
merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
nothing personal
the one
dream sweet dreams for me
the willow bends and so do i
on bloodied ground
lack of inertia
thinning the herd
or maybe not
here's looking at you
what i miss
who wants to play?
feverish thoughts
the devil inside?
my cat ate my homework
don't say i didn't warn you
my god, it's full of stars
hold on a second, koko, i'm writing something
you know?
apples and oranges
happy new year
pissing on the inside
remembering dad

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons License.