posted by dave on Sunday, July 10, 2005 at 10:43 PM in category messaging, ramblings

Okay, so you want to know the reason. I ramble on and on and then I just rush through the ending and I never reveal the reason that I'll hurt you.

Here's a little secret: Right here, right now, I don't know the fucking reason. Oh, I have some suspicions, but nothing concrete.

I'm not even sure, right here, right now, that there is one single thing that I could point to and say "That there. That's why we cannot be together. That's why I'm so fucked up that I won't let myself have what I want most in the world."

Maybe I don't know because it'll be different each time. Maybe I'll wait until that final conversation to think of something to tell you.

That's probably it. I'll open my mouth and start rambling, and as I say the words they'll become reality.

But don't worry that you'll be short-changed. Whatever I come up with, I'm sure it'll be good and convincing. You'll believe it and, by then, so will I. Everybody will be equally unsatisfied.

But you know, there is a way out of this trap. A way out beside running I mean. It's actually pretty simple in concept, but I guess it's more difficult in execution, because there's only been one so far. And I can't really count her. Okay, maybe there have been two, but I still can't count either of them.

Just dazzle me.

Just be so wonderful, so astonishing and so fascinating that there's no room in me for doubt, or for fear, or for terror. Just be so bright that the only thing I can see is you. But make sure that you do it soon, before I get too complacent. For once that happens, I'll start to think. And that is where the trouble starts.

Don't give me a chance to think.

Just enchant me. Overwhelm me. I dare you.

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