posted by dave on Monday, November 28, 2005 at 8:25 PM in category ramblings

Something's been bothering me lately.

No, I mean something besides that. Okay, maybe it's related to that.

Ask any woman that's been with me - I'm a pretty good person. I mean I am now, and I have been for the past fourteen years or so. I treat women with respect and affection, just the way I'm supposed to, but not because I'm supposed to. I do it because it's the way I want to be treated myself.

I'd bet, right now, that I could call up anyone I've dated since my divorce and have a nice friendly conversation. Nobody would just hang up upon hearing my voice. Nobody would cuss me out. Nobody would cry.

There's no trail of broken hearts behind me. There's no We Hate Dave club that all of my old girlfriends belong to and have meetings where they sit around making fun of my genitals. There's no website devoted to bashing me around and warning women about me and my issues.

Even the most painful breakups, such as the most recent one, even that was all let's be friends and call me if you ever want to talk and you never know, maybe someday we'll try again.

I'm a pretty nice guy, as far as ex-boyfriends go.

Maybe too nice.

What I'm wondering right now is, if I'd made breaking up with me more difficult, would any of those relationships have lasted?

I don't know the answer.

I think about her, so stubborn. So determined to have another chance with me, then she just walked away. That old let's not ruin our friendship excuse turned out to be the most honest thought she'd ever had about me. And, because I felt the same way, I let her go.

I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't made it so easy for her to leave that night. I wonder what would have happened if I'd been a real dick about it? Should I have been less of a friend, and that way there'd have been less of a friendship to ruin?

Maybe I take the words boyfriend and girlfriend too literally. These girls are all still my friends, but they're no longer anything beyond that. Maybe I should stop letting friendship trump everything else. Maybe that's why I'm sitting here alone.

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