I tell myself that I should just stay home tonight.

I tell myself that it would be fun, I could drink some beer and post entries about my ever-increasing drunkenness.

I tell myself that I could just stay here by myself and have a good time and not end up feeling sorry for myself.

I tell myself that I could stop myself from picking up the phone.

I lie to myself.

I'm going out tonight. To a party held by people that I don't know. Some friends of my sister, so I won't really be crashing I guess.

I tell myself that I won't sneak away just before midnight, and that I won't spend those few minutes as the year changes talking to her in my head.

I tell myself that I won't close my eyes and imagine her standing next to me.

I tell myself that it won't be exactly like last year.

I lie to myself.