Right now, I don't know what to say to you.

Right now, I don't know how I feel about you.

Right now, I need you more than I ever have before.

How can I survive without loving you?

How can I remember to breathe, when for so long I only bothered to breathe because of you? Because someday you might come back into my life, and I lived for that chance?

You kept me alive, because you were my life.

And now, now I don't know what the fuck is going on. How can my thoughts of you be so easily pushed aside? What cruel twist of fate has dropped this, this harlot into my life to divert my attention and muddle my thoughts?

I know that I love you. I know that she is nothing compared to you. I know these things like I know that the sky is blue and the ocean is wet.

But she is here, and you are not.

But she is here, and you are not.

But she is here, and you are not.

Right now, I need you more than I ever have before, but you are not here.

You are not here, and I know that I should miss you.

But I don't. Not right now.