I don't know why it happened. I really don't.
A combination of alcohol, and frustration over unrelated things, and annoyance about people that should not matter to me but still manage to do so - all of these factors and more combined to cause me to shrink back from the world bearing down on me. Caused me to seek comfort in the familiar and steady thoughts and feelings that I turned my back on so many months ago.
I don't know why it happened last night, and not at any other time over the last few months. I do know, however, that I kind of like it.
Like an animal raised in captivity, when I became too afraid of the opportunities and obstacles presented by my newfound freedom, I ran back into the comfort and safety of my cage.
But it's okay. I feel safe in here. I feel like myself in here. In here, everything is perfectly clear. All of my hopes and dreams and desires, in here they're all the same. There are no wrong choices in here. There are no choices at all.
And the important thing, the most important thing, is that the cage door is unlocked. I can come and go as I please.
I think I might stay here for a while though. Freedom is scary. Freedom is frustrating. Freedom is exhausting.