I think that if I could pick a mental illness to have, I'd pick Tourette's Syndrome.
That way, when I thought some girl was a whore, I could just scream out, "WHORE!!!!" and then when she got mad I could say, "Sorry, I got this Tourette's thingy. Whore. Slut. Bitch. Oops."
Then maybe she'd feel sorry for me and then the whore would give me some pity sex.