I think that what I fear most, right now, is that she will come back into my life and she and I will become...

I don't even know if there's a word for it.

Unable or unwilling to discuss those things that lurk between us, joining us together yet still keeping us so separate. Unable or unwilling to be friends. Unable or unwilling to be enemies. Unable or unwilling to be anything at all beyond a silent sigh or a stolen glance or a flash of anger or a skipped heartbeat or a twinge of regret or a little bubble of hate or love that rises to the surface and then pops with an almost audible sound because it cannot exist in this artificial world.

And endless, countless moments of wondering.

Am I alone in this place, or does she inhabit it with me? If I search long enough, will I find her here?