I talked to her last night.

I traded text messages with her today.

I saw her tonight.

I am completely blown away by the stark and glaring realization of what I've ignored and brushed aside in my blind rush to a place that I could never reach and that I never wanted to go to in the first place.

Fortunately, happiness is not completely subjective. I can see and I did see the optimism and the delight and the well-being in her eyes tonight. I am so happy for her, and so a part of me is happy for myself.

It was a good thing, the honesty I shared with her. It might even be the best thing I ever did.

It will take time to fully accept what it is that I've ignored and turned my back on. But time is something that I seem to have plenty of lately.

It might be the best thing I ever did.

But right now, right now it feels like the worst.