posted by dave on Tuesday, April 18, 2006 at 2:55 AM in category ramblings

I think that what people need to understand, what people should understand, is that the old adage time heals all wounds is utter bullshit.

Sure, some wounds may heal. Some wounds may fade away so completely that there's no trace left of them. Sometimes we even forget about them ourselves.

But not always.

Sometimes they leave scars, and sometimes those scars stay with us forever.

Things that happen to us, maybe things that we do to other people, they can leave scars either physical or emotional and there's not a damn thing we can do about them except learn to live with them as well as we can. If we can.

I've got a scar on my nose. When I was 5 I ran through a sliding glass door.

I've got a scar on my foot. When I was 12 I stepped on a nail.

When I was 20 a thrown plate shattered against my left arm and severed an artery. I almost lost my arm completely. That scar still itches, from time to time.

These things are now a part of me, and in a way they made me the person that I am. But these small scars only changed my physical appearance. They are nothing.

At some point in the coming weeks or months or years, somebody will see me smile. It's bound to happen. Somebody will see me smile and that's all that they'll see. They will assume that I'm happy.

When I was 16, my first real girlfriend killed herself.

When I was 21, my marriage ended.

When I was 22, my mother died after a long illness.

When I was 27, my wife and I split for the last time.

When I was 33, my grandmother and my father died within weeks of each other.

When I was 39, I finally knew what I wanted from life, but it was ripped away.

At some point in the coming weeks or months or years, somebody will see me cry. It's bound to happen. Somebody will see me cry and that's all they'll see.

They'll assume that I'm sad, but they won't know why. Maybe they'll ask.

And then I'll tell them that my scars are itching.

Time does not heal all wounds. Sometimes they leave scars, and sometimes those scars stay with us forever. Sometimes healing is nothing but an illusion.

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