I like storms. I really do. I've been fascinated with them since I was about four years old.
Right now, there is lightning and thunder, and I'm freaking out a little.
The thunder - it just isn't normal thunder. I mean, it's not one of the two normal kinds of thunder. It's not the kind that's a loud bang indicating a nearby lightning flash. And it's not the long drawn-out rumble associated with a distant flash.
It's something else.
Something a little scary.
It's kind of like a machine gun. A series of very loud noises spaced impossibly close together. It's definitely not the result of hundreds of lightning strikes all occurring in a row. It's one sound, one sound that lasts maybe five seconds or so, but a sound that's almost interrupted ten times a second.
You know what it sounds like?
A giant zipper.
An incredibly huge and incredibly loud zipper, being pulled across the sky.
I wonder, if I were to look out my office window right now, would I see God's wang?
I don't think I want to look. I mean, I'm pretty sure I can't compete with that thing.