I never do this.

I never reach out. Not to anyone.

Not when they're in need, and not when I'm in need.

And it's pretty fucking rare, pretty fucking, special maybe even fucking unprecedented that I find myself, in need, reaching out to another in need.

Wait, that's not right.

I have done this before.

It's not unprecedented. This has happened before.

In September 2005.

That time, it worked.

That time, I found myself a friend who I think will be with me as long as I live.

But this time, this time it's not working at all.

This time my arms close on emptiness.

I'll never do this again.