I ran into myself today, after work. Talk about a surprise! But there I was. Nestled between satisfaction and ecstasy, resting comfortably between unease and misery, I found myself.

It was such an easy thing, an effortless thing, to lose myself the way I did so many months ago. Finding myself again wasn't nearly so easy. It was actually impossible for a very long time. A very very long time.

In fact, I'd stopped looking. I'd given up. I'd almost forgot that I even existed. Until today, after work.

The thing is - this is a choice for me now. It was never a choice before. I can't even say I'm bottling things up, like I said a year and a half ago. Now, I can do what I want. Think what I want. Remember what I want. There's no more constant pressure pushing at my insides. If I don't want to think about her, well then I don't think about her. Simple as that.

And, when I want to think about her, I do. Like today, after work.

Just enough to make me laugh and cry at the same time.

I found myself today, after work, and we wept and laughed together.

It was good.

I've missed me.

Almost as much as I've missed her.