I was asked a couple of stupid questions today. Actually it was one stupid question, and then a follow-up question which seemed just as stupid.
And then, then I couldn't answer either question for the longest time. And I thought that maybe they weren't so stupid after all. And I became afraid.
And for hours now, I've felt this internal struggle, as different factions of my innermost thoughts and feelings fought to answer those two stupid questions.
Well, finally, I can answer the first question, and finally, I can answer the follow-up question.
Yes, and no.
Clear as mud, right?
Absolutely. How could I not? Fuck, it's practically happening anyway.
No. Not even close. There would still be something missing.
I know exactly what I want.
That which is missing from everyone else. I don't know what it is, exactly, but I know it when I see it. When I feel it. When I hear it and smell it and touch it and taste it.
It's what I want.
And, more than that, it's what I want to want.
A friend of mine pointed out to me tonight that a certain person was drop-dead gorgeous.
She doesn't know me very well at all, to still believe that I give a flying fuck what a certain person looks like.
But I digress.
I like this feeling of desire and longing. I don't want it to end.
I want to want what I want. I don't necessarily want what I want, but I desperately want to want it.
Decipher that last sentence, and I think you'll understand me pretty well.