There are things that I cannot allow myself to write about in any detail at all, no matter how much I want to. Why I was so happy a couple of weeks ago. Why I fell back into despair a few days ago.

They are two sides of the same coin. It's as simple as that. And as cryptic as that.

I am dancing in the light, or I am cowering in the dark. I am laughing hysterically and grinning from ear to ear, or tears are streaming down my face. I live a binary life.

I am not ashamed. Not anymore. I used to be, back when this all started, but not anymore. I might as well be ashamed of my height, or of the color of my hair. I had no choice about those things either.

Shame is not why I stay silent, and shame is not why I cloak my writings in drivel like the above. Neither am I particularly afraid.

I'm just trying to prove, to myself mostly, that I've learned from the mistakes of my past.

Sometimes I think it might be nice to be a normal person. But not always, or even very often. Because I know that, if I were a normal person, then two Saturdays ago would have just been another Saturday, and this past Saturday would have been just another Saturday.

I would not trade two Saturdays ago for anything. Even if it means that I have to have nights like this past Saturday. You gotta have the bad to appreciate the good, or something like that. Well, it works out pretty well, when the good is glorious, and the bad has become something I'm used to. The theme of my life, I suppose.

I forget where I was going with this.