I can't help but think that I'm missing out on something here. Like I'm cheating myself. Counting chickens before they hatch, and all that. I'm ignoring the present and the immediate future, and I'm absolutely ignoring the past. I seem to exist in some far-off future, six months or six years or sixty years from now. And I remember my past, I remember this particular period of my life, and I wish that I'd paid more attention to it.

I think it's just that my mind cannot fully grasp what's about to happen. Like it's too much to take in all at once. Too important to accept at any rational level. Or maybe at all. So I don't even try. Instead, I get caught up in the consequences and the probabilities and the possibilities.

For the next several weeks, some people might think that I'm trying to be funny. I've done it before, after all. Not this time, though. This time, my silence will be deadly serious.

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I don't want to sleep tonight. I want to live. I want to experience and appreciate every second of this. That would give me one less regret for when/if I really reach that far off future.

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Yesterday was September 24th. I didn't even realize it until it was more than halfway over.