A couple of weeks ago, I rattled off four things without hesitation. Just four stupid things, each helping to fuel my irritation.
Then, almost an hour later, I thought of a fifth point. It was almost an afterthought, really. At least that's what I believed at the time.
And now, that fifth thing is consuming me. Fear of what it could eventually do is threatening to overwhelm me.
From its beginning as a stupid and irrelevant speck of irritation, it has grown into a stain on my psyche. And this stain is spreading. It's threatening to skew every perception I have. To destroy every bit of good will and affection I possess. And I don't know if I can stop it. I'm terrified that it might already be too late.
I actually had a dream about something similar to this once. Back then, in my dream, I was able to stop the darkness which was flowing from me. I was able to stop it because I stopped myself.
I figure it's worth a shot. If, by going into a sort of social exile, I can manage to stop this flow, maybe even reverse its progress, well then exile will be worth it.
And if not? Well, if not, then I'm truly fucked. And not in the good way. Because I don't have a plan B.
This could be bad. I mean, it's already bad, but it could be worse. I have to do something to stop it. There's too much at stake for me to simply ignore it. Everything is threatened.