For a while, an hour or so ago, I was thinking that it doesn't have to be like this. That it could be much better, easier, smoother. It could be good, even fun. Uplifting and revealing and relieving and shit.

But now, an hour or so later, now I'm not so sure. Maybe this is not supposed to be easy. Maybe these particular circumstances require a certain amount of uncertainty and impatience and trepidation just to ensure that they don't pass by unnoticed.

Not like that would ever happen, but maybe I'm the only one who knows that with any certainty. It's weird to be certain of anything, but here I am anyway.

I suppose that I'll just do what I always do. I'll wait and I'll see what happens. It won't be easy, waiting, but it's something I've become accustomed to doing.

I can do it for a while longer. As long as it takes, actually.

It won't kill me.