Sometimes I can't seem to shut up.

There are three people who are usually the brunt of my rambling assaults. OddlyFamiliarGirl may have gotten the hint and moved to Siberia so as to not have to listen to me any more. And RockGirl has never had to face me when I babble - it's always in email form. She's got it easy. But, MusicalYuppieDude is still hanging tough, only rolling his eyes when I'm not looking.

I can hear his eyes rolling, though. It's kind of a squishy/squeaky sound. He should get that sound checked by a doctor. It can't be healthy.

Anyway, the thing is, this thing right now, I think it's perfectly reasonable that I'm concerned. I keep thinking that I'm being reasonable. I keep telling myself that I'm being reasonable. And, so far, nobody has told me otherwise. Including myself, and I'm really the only one listening anyway.

If only I could explain myself, just a little bit, without causing trouble.

I don't know how do that. I don't know what I could say that might actually be believed. I don't even know where to start.

I made a pact with myself, a long time ago. I promised myself that I would resist the urge to start babbling, and keep babbling, until I'd said everything that there was to say. As a compromise, I promised myself that, if I were asked and only if I were asked, well then all bets would be off.

I fear that I may end up breaking that pact. I fear that I may never be asked, and I fear that invalid assumptions will be made.

I cannot allow that to happen.

This is too important.

This is everything.

If I were to start babbling, I think I'd say that I'm not writing wedding vows, and I'm not out buying gallons of anal lubrication. It's not like that, and it was never like that. Never never never never never.

I'm just trying to get my life back, That's all. And, for the last couple of days, I haven't liked my odds very much.