I was struck by a realization this evening. This realization followed, quite logically, a thread I'd started in an email to RockGirl a few hours earlier.

What I realized, what I realized was that it's the second of December. Not that this particular date means anything. It's not some significance of the date that struck me - it's the lateness of the date.

This year is almost over with. That's just so hard for me to believe. So much has happened to me, to my life, this past year. So much has happened, I almost want to say that, were I inclined to list the various highlights and lowlights of the year, that I wouldn't know where to start.

But that would be a lie.

I know exactly where I'd start, were I so inclined. Same place I always start. Same place I always end.

Anyway, the lateness of today's date struck me with a force that, had I not been sitting down already, I'd surely have been knocked flat onto my ass.

See, there's this sort of timeline in my head. Stretching out in front of me. I can almost imagine my future. One possible future, at least. And now my stupid mind has decided to compress that timeline. Cram all of the events therein together. Rush things.

Today is the second of December. In a few short weeks, this year will be over. In a few short weeks, it will be New Year's Eve.

I used to think, maybe, someday.

Right now, like a dumbass, I'm thinking, maybe, on New Year's Eve.

Now I know, and everyone who knows me knows, and everyone who's read this blog with any sort of regularity knows, that I'm probably going to spend those few minutes that bridge the years 2007 and 2008 by myself. Conducting a séance of sorts, just like I always do.

Talking to people who aren't there. Speaking words that might otherwise never leave my lips.

But now, I've dared to imagine another scenario. One in which I'm not alone as the hour and the month and the year change.

Clearly, I've taken things too far, here inside this lump of fat I used for a brain.

I mean, being in a good mood is one thing. Being an optimist is another, more dangerous, thing.

But assigning an expiration date to that optimism - well that's just the stupidest thing I've done in a very long time.