I'm in such a weird mood tonight. Even for me.
I remember the last time I was in this particular mood. It was on a nice night that should have been a horrible night. I'm pretty sure, looking back, that I was in total denial. I wrote this, back then:
My mind is aswarm with thoughts, my heart is teeming with feelings, all with their own agendas. Some will merge for a brief time, join forces in fierce battle against their enemies, swear allegiance to false alliances, but all the while only truly working toward their own vision of an idealized conclusion.I really like that entry. It summed up my mood perfectly, for that time in my life.
Others are adversaries from the start. Like dogs and cats, like Arabs and Jews, they are born into this war which began long ago and which will continue long after these individual skirmishes and battles and betrayals have become nothing more than forgotten footnotes in a history book.
And the individual combatants, so full of resolve and so possessed of purpose, they will become nothing more than patches of ground where the flowers, nourished by the blood-soaked earth, grow vibrant and strong.
Well, I'm Mars, The God of War.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking that it doesn't matter what I write. That it's how I write that I should be concerned with.
I have so many things I want to say. Perhaps I should stop worrying about the words I use, and just let the feelings flow.
I saw a shooting star tonight, when I first ventured out onto my swing. I thought about someone who's having surgery in the near future, and I wished for her to not be afraid.
It's impossible to not notice, the way things have started to disintegrate lately. I mention those things, and I'm called crazy. But, to me, that's not an insult at all - I've been crazy for a very long time. I'm used to it. And I wouldn't have it any other way.