It started out as a joke. A stupid game I'd play wherein I'd imagine and predict the worst thing that could happen.
It used to be funny, in a weird way. Until it all started coming true. Then it stopped being funny.
I wrote a while ago that I expect to be murdered. That was not a random off-the-cuff statement, it was a prediction. The end-result of a long list of bullshit mistreatment. A totally warranted extrapolation.
The cruelest and sweetest person I know will murder me someday. And I will like it, because I'll serve a purpose to her. An outlet of some kind, I guess.
I like being useful to the people I care about.
I'll probably be smiling when I die. I doubt that I'll be laughing, though, because that could be misinterpreted.