I remember Mommy coming into the room.
I don't remember where I was. It was probably at my grandmother's house, but that detail is lost to me forever. I remember Mommy coming into the room, and I remember being oh so happy to see her. I probably peed a little, but I was allowed to, back then.
And then I saw it.
I'd reached my arms up as high as they would reach, and I'd jumped with my little legs to reach even higher, and I'd yelled one of the only words I knew at the time.
So Mommy would see me, so she would hear me, so she would pick me up like she always had before. So my world would be complete again.
But she didn't pick me up. Her arms were full.
She was carrying it.
That is my earliest memory.
It turned out to be my sister Dina, and I was 21 months old.
I remember playing with a girl. She had long dark hair. We sat on the floor between the kitchen and the living room, and we played.
I remember the house, and I remember the girl. It was probably my cousin Terri, but I can never know for sure.
That memory is so strong in my mind. I couldn't have been more than 3 years old.
Dad came and woke me up, and carried me to Dina's room. Then he put me down and picked Dina up. The three of us - how odd that I don't remember Mom being there - went into the living room.
On the TV, I watched grainy footage of white-suited men bouncing around on a white plain.
I wondered why Dad had tears in his eyes.
I was 4 and a half years old.
I'd walk to kindergarten, and my long shadow would lead me down the road. Then, when I'd walk back home, the shadow would be short and stocky, and it would chase me all the way home.
I asked Mom why my shadow was so different when I came home, and she said she didn't know.
I was showing my friend Kelly how fast I could run with my new shoes. I ran through a glass door.
Dad carried me, both of us covered in blood, and took me to the doctor. I got 81 stitches, and I still have scars. I remember being afraid that the doctor was going to cut off my nose. It had been hurt badly.
I was 5 years old.
I'm not sure what the point of this entry was.
Maybe it's just to change the damn subject.