I think I
wantneed to expand a little on the quickie I just posted, "My brain is stuck in a groove today."
This has happened before. A couple of times over the last few years, it's happened. I somehow go from thinking about the same thing (you get one guess) every few seconds to thinking about nothing else at all. I somehow still manage to breathe and stuff, but it takes a conscious effort.
In the past, this has usually led to constant sadness or incessant giddiness. But today, today it's not really leading anywhere. It just is.
To paraphrase something that was recently said to me, "I should be more upset about this, but I'm not."
Very, very strange.
Odds are very good that I'm simply in denial, and that once my subconscious recognizes the harsh reality of this mess, I'll fall apart. But that's okay. If that's what it takes for this to be over, then that's a price I can pay. I've wanted this to be over for a very long time.
Besides, I've fallen apart before, and maybe this will be the last time it ever happens.