Kinda feeling weird today. Detached, I guess, would be a good word. Unless I can think of a better one. Like I'm detached from myself and from the reality that's surrounding me.
I mean, I know that there's this big giant chunk of my life that, well, is no longer a part of my life. I know that I should still be upset about the loss that I'm experiencing, and I definitely still am upset. But, I'm not as upset as I should be. I dunno, maybe because the sadness that I should feel would simply be too much for me to bear. So, as a self-defense mechanism, I've detached myself.
Whatever works, I suppose. Whatever can get me through this. Eventually. Maybe.
I'm so tired all the time. What's up with that? I know that a big part of it is that I'm getting up at 5:00 every morning, but that can't be the only reason. I should be able to last beyond 8:30 or so at night without feeling like I'm about to fall over. There's probably some kind of clinical depression going on, what would be just my luck. Something else to be wrong with me.
I will be so glad when this month is over. November sucked, but I think December is shaping up to be much worse. Too many opportunities for me to think about how things might have been. Could have been. Should have been. Whatever.
I'll get over it. I always do.
I remember feeling that way after my marriage ended. Though it was my own doing that caused it (and I was planning to end it, just not in the way that it happened), one would think that I still would have felt some kind of sadness and grief. But, that relationship had been so emotionally bankrupt for months prior that I'd done all of my grieving before it had ended.
I almost wonder if that's the case with you. You've been so sad over it for so long that you've used up all your grief a little bit at a time.
posted by: NakedGirl | December 16, 2010 10:27 PM