If somebody held a gun to my head and said that I had to move back to somewhere I'd lived before, my second choice would be to go back to Juneau. Alaska.
My first choice would be to let him pull the trigger.
I just really liked Juneau. Of all the places I've lived, I think it fit me the best. The perfect mix of city and country. Of hippie and intelligencia. And it bugs me that I haven't been there since 1997, AKA a gazillion years ago.
My third choice would be Seattle. It would have been Omaha except there's this one whore there that I never want to see again.
Las Vegas would trump everything except that (a) I've never lived there before, and (b) I don't know what is going on. StupidGirl is being evasive and shit. I don't know why.
Would I move to Las Vegas even if there was no StupidGirl waiting for me?
I don't know. Maybe. Probably. But it wouldn't be as fun.
Places I'd never move back to include Memphis and New Orleans. The latter is a nice place to visit, but that's all. The former is a racist shithole of a city. I hated Memphis.
Oh, I'd also never move back to St. Louis, mainly because the same whore that keeps me from Omaha might show up in St. Louis. Plus, it's not really that different from here, nor that far. I doubt that St. Louis would be allowed by my hypothetical gun-wielder.
What I really want to do is move to this one particular little town in Arizona, to see if I can figure some things out. Maybe my answers are there. They're sure as fuck not here.
Which little town in AZ? Jerome? I spent 20 yrs in AZ. Jerome has got a wild history. The centerpiece of the "main bar" in that town is this pool table that's been there from the "begining". It's gorgeous, brass claw feet, I don't typically go for "furniture style" tables but this one is different.
Anyway. . . my virtual friend, may I call you my virtual friend?
An observation, if I may, you've got a "ghost" in Omaha. You're looking to run from a "ghost" now.
It seems to me wherever you go the "ghosts" will soon emerge, so stay where you are =OR= make a fresh start of it somewhere else. . . but be mindful that something within you needs to change, the same something that permits the growth of "ghosts".
Some things may be . . .
Do you not cherish yourself enough to hold others to that same standard?
Do you cherish others more than yourself?
Do you fail to "protect" your self emotionally? That's not to say close down, but rather set healthy boundaries such as; lie to me once, shame on you (and communicate it all clearly ONCE), lie to me 2x, f*ck you I"m outta here! And follow through with distancing yourself and dispensing with the dreggs within the species.
I know, I know. . . I don't know $hit, I"m talking out my @ss over here having mere threads of a fabric I know nothing about. . . .
Aw well. . . don't go with Option #1, cause that may not have the desired outcome either. There's a guy here at work whose recovering from a gunshot to the face during an attempted robbery. . . needing many surgeries to correct. . . f*ing everything.
~Ciao
posted by: Iron Butterfly | January 4, 2011 8:45 AM