Since I decided about a zillion years ago - or it may have been last Thursday - to do a complete site redesign I've spent nearly all of my at-home time sitting at this computer.

I think I'm almost finished, but along with the inevitable bugfixes and layout tweaks I still have a couple of bigger decisions to make.

First, do I even bother with the Pronto pages? I still get hits against these pages even though they haven't been updated in years and years, but converting all of those outdated pages to the new site format seems like a really daunting task.

The other four sections (gross exaggeration alert!) that the old site had were the humor page, the page about my Monte Carlo and my dad, my resume page, and the page which shows the states I've been to.

These four single-page sections (there it was again) would be pretty easy to convert to the new format. I suppose I've just gotten a little burned-out from using Dreamweaver and Fireworks over the last few days and so I'm currently limiting myself to bugfixes and layout tweaks.

First off I need to catch up on what happened Thursday and Friday.

Thursday I broke one of my new resolutions and did something stupid for a stupid reason.

How do you suppose that worked out?

Not very well, that's how.

Friday when I got to Rich O's all of the regulars I know were crowded into the living room section. There was clearly no room for me so I ended up at the bar.

At one point I realized a couple of things:

1. Some seats had opened up near my friends.
2. None of them had even bothered to invite me over.

Now I know I've been a little moody lately, but c'mon. I suppose this should tell me something but I'll probably continue to play dumb.

Tonight (Saturday) I went bowling, of all things, with my sister Dina's family.

This was the first time I'd been in several years and the rust was quite evident. I bowled two games, each of which saw a score that was barely half my old average. I think my 9-year-old nephew beat me the first game.

Back to Rich O's to drown my sorrows, I had a Three Floyd's Pride & Joy English mild ale.

I liked it. It could have used a little more malt to balance it out but I'll definitely have it again.

Tonight I had a feeling.

I just knew that if I went to Rich O's that things would be pushed back into balance.

I was right.

Oh yeah, I have four days off work. That's very cool and I really need the time off because I'm sick of getting up at 6:30AM every damn day.

un-fair
adj.
1. Not just or evenhanded; biased.

Sure, my brain may get a lot more use than its opponents, so it should be able to hold its own in a fight, but c'mon, it's two against one, and the other side is trying extra-hard because they know this could be their last chance for victory.

Just when I manage to convince myself that I am indeed losing weight through some mysterious means some guy at work puts up a picture of me looking like a lardass.

Saturday night, while we were waiting for GeneralElectricGuy to show up, LaptopGirl talked about a turtle that wouldn't stay where she'd put it. I said I wondered how annoyed animals (cats, dogs, turtles, etc.) must get when people just pick them up and carry them around.

Like the other day I was going to take a nap on the couch. Buddy always takes a nap with me, and when he didn't come when called, I went and picked him up and took his ass to the living room.

How would we humans feel if there were some higher (or at least much larger) form of life that would just pick us up whenever the mood struck? I don't think we'd like it very much at all.

I can't remember if this conversation happened before or after the conversation that LaptopGirl and I had about whether I was weird or not.

I actually prefer the term "eccentric" as it just seems classier.

I've found myself thinking about my life in terms of metaphors lately. I was comparing some of my recent past to being on a high wire, desperately flailing my arms, afraid (for good reason) to fall in either direction for despair awaited on both sides. This is the worst situation to be in, but it's not the only type of balance I'd had to maintain in my life while dealing with people - especially those of the fairer sex.

When I was young I walked a line painted on the ground. There was no real penalty - other than embarrassment - for stepping off the line. I could just get right back and try again.

A few times I've found myself approaching a cliff's edge, where I could either risk falling or simply turn around and be safe. I've tried both options with varying results. I say varying but here I sit single so I guess the variance was mostly a matter of how long of a drop I had during those times when I did fall.

My marriage was akin to a ledge on the side of a tall building. I knew that if I jumped there would be pain, but I couldn't really stay where I was forever either. Eventually I jumped and, despite the pain I suffered on landing, I'm certainly better off now that I'd be if I were still standing on that ledge.

And now I'm back to my high-wire. Winds buffet me from either side, and every now and then some jerk starts jiggling the wire. He wants me to hurry up and do something so he can have his turn.

The outlook does not look rosy. I could fall to one side and lose what little I have. I could fall to the other side and gain much more - only that side leads to eventual almost certain doom as well. It's just a longer drop on that side. One that I may not survive.

So what I try to do is what we pretty much all try to do at one time or another. I'm buying time. I'm trying to keep walking, as the abyss on either side gets deeper and deeper, and I hope that the wire will eventually get wider. Or that someone will provide a safety net so I can let myself fall and see what happens.

Which way would I fall? That depends on which way the wind is blowing.

em-pa-thy
n.
1. An identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, or motives.

ram-bunc-tious
adj.
1. Boisterous and disorderly.

boon-ies
slang.
1. Rural country or jungle.

Last night, appearing in the role of BigWheelGirl, was yours truly.

My mission, should I choose to accept it, was to accompany LaptopGirl and her friend GeneralElectricGuy to a party at TrainGirl and RealTrainGirl's house - and, I believe, by my presence dissuade GeneralElectricGuy from getting any ideas.

I did choose to accept the mission as, even though it seemed to be a disaster waiting to happen, it did at least represent a promotion from carpool dummy.

Despite starting out with this, perhaps the worst idea in history, everything turned out very well. There were a lot of people at the party and I got to see and do things that just don't come up in my normal boring life:

1. I got to show LaptopGirl the field in Maplewood where I grew up.

2. I got to see a bunch of women mud-wrestle in various stages of dress and undress.

3. I got to hear LaptopGirl play a guitar and sing karaoke. She's just so damn cute when she's shy like that.

4. I got to spray a bunch of muddy women with a hose to remove mud.

5. Finally, I got to verify a legend of sorts when one of my friends from Rich O's did indeed get naked at a party.

My beer last night was a growler (half-gallon) of Smithwick's. Actually I think I had about half of it. It ended up tasting pretty good but I cut myself off pretty early because I'd need to return LaptopGirl to her car in New Albany.

GeneralElectricGuy seemed to me to be a genuinely nice and smart guy that may just be a victim of bad timing. He went to a party where he only knew one person and seemed to enjoy himself. I actually decided that I liked the guy enough that I wouldn't try to lose him in the Southern Indiana sticks as he followed LaptopGirl and me back to New Albany.

stalk
v. tr.
1. To follow or observe (a person) persistently, especially out of obsession or derangement.

At 12:25 today I sent out the following message to my co-workers:

I have twelve bottles of one.6 Chardonnay. I'll give a bottle each to the first twelve people to tell me the names of my three cats.

Hint: Google is your friend.

At 12:33 all twelve bottles had been won, and I had another half-dozen or so correct entries that came in too late.

I think a few of the winners may have been a little too fast - like they already had the information memorized or something.

Scary.

stu-pid
adj.
1. Slow to learn or understand; obtuse.
2. Tending to make poor decisions or careless mistakes.
3. Marked by a lack of intelligence or care; foolish or careless: a stupid mistake.
4. Dazed, stunned, or stupefied.
5. Pointless; worthless: a stupid job.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. - Chinese Proverb

Fool me seventy-three times, what kind of a dumbass am I anyway? - Siltz Extension

Late last Saturday night I was convinced that I would become a social hermit and never again allow myself to be mistreated again.

By Sunday afternoon I had begun to adopt a more reasonable attitude, and that trend has continued throughout the week.

One of my old friends - who taught me a lot about pool and life in general - used to say that to let anyone else's actions affect your own mood was your own fault - not the fault of the other person.

I seem to have forgotten that over the years, along with a lot of other things he taught me.

The thing is, even if though I seem to constantly complain about people and events when I write in this 'blog, I still keep putting myself in the exact same environments week after week. Then the exact same things occur, and I have the exact same reactions.

So who's really at fault here?

I am. I do stupid things for stupid reasons and then I act all surprised when bad things happen.

Since it would be unreasonable to expect that I could stop doing stupid things, I'm going to try the next best thing. I'm going to try to at least stop doing these things for stupid reasons.

Take tonight for example. I COULD go out and see if things are any better - if last weekend was a fluke - but that would be a stupid reason. I know it wasn't a fluke. An example of a non-stupid reason would be to go out because I enjoy it and look forward to it each weekend.

Based on that oversimplified logic I should stay home tonight.

So that's what I'll do.

I think.