I watched this movie the other night called Moon. I've seen it once before, and I like it pretty much. I don't want to spoil the movie too much, but I kinda have to say one thing, because that one thing leads to the subject of this entry.

In the movie, a guy finds himself hanging out with, well, himself.

This got me to thinking about what would happen if I was in that situation. I mean, would I get along with myself? Would we like each other at all? Would we beat the shit out of each other?

We'd certainly have a lot to talk about. And we'd laugh a lot, because we'd have the same sense of humor. We'd enjoy drinking good beer together, and shooting pool. Finally, I'd have someone able to challenge me at pool!

But I think I'd get pretty irritated with myself before too long. I'm pretty sure that the constant sadness about LaptopGirl would get old very quickly. I'd just want to choke him and scream at him to get over it already. But he'd be both unable and unwilling to do that, and so we'd be at an impasse. And, of course, I'd get into moods of my own, and we'd make each other miserable. Sadness feeding sadness.

Another thing would be that I really need a lot of alone time, and having a doppelganger around would probably make that tough. We'd probably start to get on each other's nerves before too long, and go our separate ways to preserve our respective sanities.

I dunno. This is a weird entry.

I have other shit to write about than this. No, really, I do. It's all rattling around in my head. All the time. It's quite distracting, actually.

But it's almost all mean stuff, or at least critical stuff. And I don't want to write anything like that. Not right now. Maybe never. I'm trying to be a good person, here. Get over it.

Anyway.

I didn't watch the show last week. I gather there was some drama with a "save" and some people were happy and some people were pissed. I don't know. Like I said, I didn't watch it.

Anyway again.

This week was Elvis songs. So, for me, this week promised to suck. There, I said it. I'm not an Elvis fan. Get over it.

Crystal: She somehow managed to find an Elvis song I'd never heard before. Boring. Minus 10 points for the guitar, and minus 805 points for the fucking backup singers. (-780 points)

Andrew: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. It was a bad Elvis impersonation. He changed it up, but he needed to change it more. A lot more. (50 points)

Tim: Nice song. He did a good job of making it sound current and unlike an Elvis cover. I took off 10 points for the guitar. (65 points)

Lee: WTF is up with all the damn guitars? I thought this was supposed to be a singing competition. I took off 10 for the guitar, but Lee did a really good job with a well-known song. (75 points)

Aaron: A high school musical version of an Elvis classic. I wanted to beat him up and stuff him into a locker. (20 points)

Siobhan or however she spells it: Smoking hot, and a great song. The performance seemed a little night-clubby to me, until the end, when it was great. I gave 25 bonus points for being so hot, then I took 15 of those points away for the damn nose ring. I think she should stop singing and move into the porn industry. (68 points)

Mike: Not even close to my favorite song. This guy is an amazing singer, though. I took off 10 points for the damn guitar, and 5 points for the stupid song choice. Other than those two things, I found no problems whatsoever. (85 points)

Katie: Another song I never heard before. The singing was good. The voice very forgettable. The horn section was waaaaaaaaaaay too loud. (60 points)

Casey: Zzzzzzzzzzzz. I don't care. I really don't. (50 points)

So, it's been two years since I've done one of these entries. Fuck, it's been two years since I've followed the show at all. Oh sure, I managed to watch it a couple of times last year, but my heart was never really in it, and wonderful distractions abounded.

I don't know if I'm going to watch it every week or not. I make no promises about that.

Anyway, here's what I thought about tonight. Keep in mind that this was the first time I'd seen or heard any of these people.

Siobhan: Stupid name. Minus 2 points just for that, and if I ever find out that it's some kind of stage-name that she picked for herself, then it'll be minus 50 points from then on. I thought she was very cute - she was the only girl I noticed when they showed the entire group at the beginning of the show. She needs to keep the glasses and she definitely needs to lose the nose ring. And she should probably pick a career other than singing. I thought this performance was screechy and crappy. She's definitely the hottie of the group, though. (65 points)

Casey: He seemed to be technically very good, but the performance seemed quite generic to me. I also took off 10 points for having the guitar as a crutch. (55 points)

Mike: Fucking awesome. Fantastic voice. Fantastic song. Fantastic performance. I'd buy one of his albums tomorrow. Minus 10 points for the guitar, which he definitely didn't need. (84 points)

Didi: Stupid name. She's quite cute, maybe a little too cute. Her plain voice gave a plain performance. Almost karaoke-ish. This was a shame, because I really like the song she chose. (50 points)

Tim: Nice voice. Good song. I like this guy. He missed the right note by a mile quite a few times. StupidGirl likes him, but I didn't let that affect my scoring. (68 points)

Andrew: Good song and good voice, but he seemed to be forcing things a bit, like maybe that wasn't his normal vocal range. Quite good, but I still took off 10 points for the crutch. (75 points)

Katie: Cute. She picked an awesome Aretha Franklin song, and sang it well. She's good, but she seemed a little full of herself to me. I took off 5 points for the backup singers. (75 points)

Lee: Great song. Great and unique voice. Fucking fantastic performance. I took off 10 points for the guitar, though. (89 points)

Crystal: Awesome song. I took off 5 points for the stupid backup singers, and another 10 points for the piano, but other than that she was the best of the night. (85 points)

Aaron: Great song. Incredibly good performance for anyone, but especially considering how young this kid is. But I found myself wondering how good he'll be in 10 years instead of appreciating how good he is right now. Needs to mature a little, I guess. (80 points)

Then we walked a mile or so to HatGirl's car, so we could put our extra crap in there and not have to lug it around all day. Next, we walked all the way back to my truck. We walked all the way back to my truck because I'm retarded. I'd left our tickets for the craft beer tent thingy there. When we got back to the parking lot the dude was still admiring my truck. I think he had an erection, but I was afraid to look too closely.

Then we walked back to the riverfront. The craft beer tent thingy didn't open until 2:00, and it was only 12:30, so we went into Hooters where my cousin Jeff awaited. He'd gotten us free wristbands. That was nice of him. We had some Diet Cokes and sat around for a while.

Oh, and we saw TremensGirl and Bubbles walking around, so that was nice.

Once the thingy opened, we got something to eat and then went down this steep-ass hill to the river. We watched the airshow, which was very cool. There was a fucking helicopter doing fucking loop-de-loops. I didn't think that was even possible in a helicopter. During this period I had myself a Gumballhead (534). This is also when the events portrayed in the comic two entries ago happened, so I had myself 14 ounces of Upland Wheat (297), too.

This was about when I had myself another Gumballhead (550). It was yummy.

Anyway, once the fireworks were over, we were going to hang out for a while, but all of the bars closed early, so we went and sat in HatGirl's car for a half-hour or so, waiting for traffic to start moving. Then we went to White Castle then she drove me to my house.

It was a really fun day, and I only missed a certain person a million times, instead of the asstillion times I'd been predicting.

When HatGirl took me to get my truck yesterday, I'll admit that I was a little disappointed that the dude hadn't washed and waxed it for me. I guess I should have just been grateful that it wasn't covered with his semen.

It seems like such a daunting task to write an entry about Saturday. It was such a long day, after all.

But I think I'll wait to see what pictures HatGirl took. I only took a few with my Blackberry, but she had a real camera with her. So I'll wait to see what pictures she has and then I'll steal some of them to help punctuate my entry.

Briefly, for now, though, we had a really good time. The crowding and even the traffic turned out to be quite bearable. I did manage to get myself a spiffy new sunburn, but it's not painful, so it's okay.

Well, this year we're supposed to be going. It's this Saturday.

I've gone ahead and gotten a head start on freaking out about the traffic and crowding, but the company should be good, so I'm also looking forward to it.

It was really fucking crowded when I got to Jack's last night. So crowded, in fact, that I had to walk back outside and try to come up with reasons to go back inside. I guess the reasons that I came up with were (a) I'd driven down there, (b) I wanted a beer, and (c) I'd already told OddlyFamiliarGirl that I was there and (d) she was on her way.

Originally, there wasn't going to be any beer last night, and therefore no Saturday Beer Report. I'd had an impromptu date at my house, and we watched Big Fish and Meet Dave courtesy of Netflix. Those two movies put me into a bad mood, mostly the latter, because it was so stupid.

So I decided, once I was alone, that I didn't really want to be alone. So I went to Jack's.

I managed to grab a table and, once OddlyFamiliarGirl showed up, we sat and talked for a couple of hours. I had two bottles of Rogue Dead Guy (879) and they were very good.

Oh yeah, now I'm supposed to watch Gone with the Wind, because OddlyFamiliarGirl says I'm either Rhett or Scarlett. It's been a long time since I've watched that movie, but I'm pretty sure I own it and it's around here somewhere.

After OddlyFamiliarGirl went home, I moved up to the bar and had some Diet Coke and talked to these chicks who kept having flaming homers or something like that. I asked if the flames made the drinks taste any different, and they admitted that it was all just for show.

I never do this, post videos I discover on the web. But there's a first time for everything, I guess.

Listen to the words.

My plan had been to try to take a quick nap before going back to Rich O's, but I was afraid that I'd fall asleep and not wake up until this morning. So I ended up going back at 7:00 or so.

The place wasn't all that packed, but it was all weirdoes and strangers. Except for CrewCutGirl, I didn't recognize a single customer in the place. The living room area, in particular, was full of weirdoes.

I sat at the kiddie table and had an Ommegang Three Philosophers (24). I emailed LaptopGirl about the weirdoes. I emailed OddlyFamiliarGirl about her Olive Garden discount. I emailed RockGirl about something or other. Mostly I just sat and watched the door.

I had an NABC Community Dark (281) and sipped at it for a couple of hours.

Oh yeah, I was also starving. I was going to eat something, but I'd told LaptopGirl that I'd hold off in case she wanted to split a pizza or something. We were supposed to go listen to karaoke at Sluttopia, and I thought that she might be able to swing by Rich O's first.

At 10:00, I ended up going over to Sluttopia. LaptopGirl met me there. I had a Newcastle (9149) and a sip of LaptopGirl's Sierra Nevada ESB while we endured this one weird origami guy demonstrating his creations.

They didn't even start the karaoke until late, because of some basketball game. So that sucked. And then, once people started singing, they were all fairly terrible.

I tried to talk LaptopGirl into singing, but I didn't press very hard.

LaptopGirl got to stay for a couple of hours. That was really nice. I ended up drinking the last half of her Newcastle (2159). When she had to leave I gave her the wine I'd bought for her today. I hope she enjoys it.

It was a really good night. One of the best.

Except I never did eat anything.

So today, instead of flinging myself off the top of the nearest tall building, I figured that I'd try HatGirl one more time. I was really starting to freak out, and I sent her a message telling her as much.

She responded!

Yay!

We traded a couple of emails. I guess most notable was that she looked at my entry from Monday and called the resemblance "scary."

She did not offer an opinion as to whether her ass is better than the one in the poster.

---

On another front, I keep saying that the tiniest little things can mean all the difference to me. Tonight someone declined an invitation I'd made. But it was still very cool, because I was expecting no answer at all. Even the tiny little act of turning down my invitation will end up being one of the high points of my week.

---

I think I'm going to try to take a day of vacation Friday. I've still got a lot of hours that I need to use or lose by the end of April. I'll most likely have to work several hours on Friday but, as I said last week, I can work from home and I won't have to put on clothes. Plus, having Friday off means that I can go to Rich O's Thursday night.

---

Saturday I go booze shopping. I'm trying to put together a list of stuff to buy, so if you know me you can send me an email and I'll add your choice to my list.

---

Tonight I watched this stupid I Am Legend movie. I also had most of a bottle of Left Hand Snow Bound (112). I say most of a bottle because I managed to backhand the glass onto the floor at one point. Oops.

---

I think that's it for now.

---

Oh, wait. LaptopGirl told me that I'd be sad when I found out who got eliminated from American Idol tonight. She probably thinks that I'd be sad if Ramiele was voted off, so that's going to be my guess.

I didn't feel like taking very good notes tonight, because I'm kinda in the middle of this bullshit preemptive depression thing. But I noticed enough to make this entry.

Contestants 1 through 9: zzzz, zzzz, wtf, blah, zzzz, blah, blah, wtf, blah

David C: Fucking awesome (100 points)

I guess I'm having the same problem this morning that I had a couple of Sundays ago. I think about the previous night, and writing an entry about it just seems too daunting a task.

So, that Saturday Beer Report from a couple of weeks ago never got written, and this Friday Beer report will probably end up being a brief one, though the night itself certainly wasn't brief.

First, while it's on my mind and while I'm sitting at my keyboard, two Saturdays ago, I went to Rich O's and was greeted with the question, "Did you see SassyGirl?"

I replied that I had not, and I was told that she was sitting out front.

I ran out front and, sure enough, there sat SassyGirl!

Yay!

She and JauntyGirl had come into town that day. She hadn't called to let me know, because she'd wanted to surprise me at Rich O's.

Well, that plan certainly worked. I was definitely surprised.

The timing of their visit was close to perfect, as Saturday through Tuesday were pretty stressful for me, and those girls provided a lovely distraction for several hours of those days.

Anyway, a bunch of other stuff has happened between then and last night, but it seems like it would be hard to write it all down. So, I won't. I'll just skip to last night.

I arrived at Rich O's at 6:00, that early hour determined by the fact the my sister Dina and her husband Kenny were there. We talked until 7:30 or so, when they had to get home for some basketball game or something.

I ate a pizza and sat at the island by myself. There was a couple sitting at the other end of the island, but I didn't talk to them much. Mostly, I just watched the door and waited for LaptopGirl.

She arrived at 9:00 or so. I got to help her fact-check an article she's writing. That was very cool. It's nice to feel useful.

We talked for a while until EuchreDude came and horned in on sat with us. I because invisible for an hour or so, until after they'd moved to the living room area. I followed mostly because to remain where I was would have felt slightly more awkward.

Eventually, I managed to get LaptopGirl's attention again. Mainly by plopping myself down on the coffee table two feet in front of her. We talked for another hour or so, but eventually she had to go home.

Oh yeah. Beer.

Let's see, my first beer was a yummy Schlenkerla Fastenbier (308), which has made it's brief Spring appearance. My next two beers were NABC Flat Tyre (749), though I did have a few sips of LaptopGirl's Moinette Brune. It was good, and the next time I have some I'll write a proper review.

That number for Flat Tyre above is an estimate, because LaptopGirl had several sips from my glass as she waited for news from her homefront.

Once LaptopGirl had gone, I went and sat at the kiddie table and talked to WomanRepellant for a while. Then NotHideousGirl came in. She was sad, because her cat had died. Poor kitty.

We somehow got to talking about karaoke, and she suggested going to Sluttopia. I called, and they said that they had a band instead.

Well, we ended up going to Sluttopia anyway. WomanRepellant followed us there, but most of the crowd just went to this Jack's bar closer to Rich O's.

NotHideousGirl became even more sad when, upon our arrival, she was told that one of her friends from there had died a couple of days ago.

The band sucked big hairy ones. I did my best to distract myself from the racket by drinking a Newcastle (9071) and talking to WomanRepellant and NotHideousGirl until they started kicking everyone out at 3:00 or so.

Then I came home.

Then, despite my staying up until after 4:00, my stupid circadian rhythm woke me up at 8:00. And here I sit, looking forward to the wonderful nap I'll get to take in a few hours.

Hmmm, I guess this wasn't as brief as I'd feared.

A lot of things seem random, until they're over, and then not so much.

Earlier today I was having an email conversation with RockGirl, as I'm wont to do, and I said that I couldn't remember the last time that I was utterly happy with my life. Not happy with just one particular aspect, but happy with the totality of my existence.

I wrote to RockGirl that perhaps I'd been happy during that brief time when MysteryLady and I were together. Even as I wrote it, I knew it wasn't true. There had been other times. More recent times. But I couldn't remember what those more recent times had been.

Then tonight, I watched a movie. I picked it at random from my shelf. At least I thought I picked it at random. I've seen it before. Several times, actually. It's one of my favorite movies. It's genius.

And, as I watched the movie, I remembered something. Something important.

Probably about the fifth time I watched this movie, back in the middle of 2005 - I think that was the last time that I was totally happy. Because I watched it with MixedSignalGirl. It was well after all the bullshit had started to destroy our relationship, but on that night, for whatever reason, none of the bullshit mattered. We just enjoyed each other's company. We sat on my loveseat, I had my arm around her, and we just fit together.

I remember, during the scene where the guy vomited all over the alley, MixedSignalGirl averted her eyes from the TV, and she buried her face against my chest. To this day, I don't know if she was laughing, or if she was disgusted, or if it was combination of both. What I do know is that I leaned over, ever so slightly, and I kissed the top of her head, and she sighed when I did it, and our souls merged.

I defy anyone, anywhere, from anytime past or present or future, to ever produce a more perfect moment than that.

I was completely happy with my life, right then and right there.

I'm pretty sure that was the last time.

(I will award 1,000,000 points to the first person who knows what movie I watched tonight. The title of this entry is a hint. Those 1,000,000 points may be redeemed for one beer, should we ever meet in person.)

I can envision a time, probably not to far removed from the present, when this blog will have become nothing but memes and inane reports like this one. When that times comes, I may finally see this as the waste that it is, and I may finally be able to stop.

Anyway, like last week, I didn't get around to watching these until Thursday night. So, four of these people have been eliminated by the time of this writing. I don't know who. Unlike last week, this week I bothered to write down my thought about the guy singers as well.

Luke: An incredibly gay performance. This guy sings very well, but this time he was just way over the top. A crappy start to the night. (50 points)

David A: Cool name. A very good performance. I'm a huge fan of this kid. (80 points)

Danny: Stupid song, but I can't fault the singing at all. This kid's very good. Too bad he's such a dick - I took off 10 points for that. (70 points)

David H: Cool name again. Great song, great job. (85 points)

Michael: Darn, I usually like this guy, but not tonight. Stupid song choice, and way too much bouncing around. He screwed up several notes. (60 points)

David C: Okay, how come I've never noticed all these fucking Davids before? Anyway, A good job. (85 points)

Jason: Stupid song. Way too kum-bah-yah for my tastes, so I didn't really listen except when he butchered this one note and cracked my glasses. (40 points)

Jacuzzi: He sucks, so I went and peed instead. My pee scored: (55 points)

---

Asia'h: Okay, but boring. I took off 10 points for having an apostrophe in her name, then I gave 5 points back because she looked hot. (75 points)

Kady: I never heard this song before. I thought she did a good job, but I'm biased when it comes to Kady. I gave 10 bonus points for being smoldering hot. (85 points)

Amanda: A one-trick pony, and that one trick isn't all that impressive. Painful. She needs to get off my TV now. (40 points)

Carly: A lot better than last week. She's such a good singer. (90 points)

Kristy: Good song, and she countrified it, and she did it brilliantly. Awesome. I gave 10 bonus hotness points. (95)

Ramiele: Another great song. A pretty good performance, but she seemed a little distracted. One of the backup singers tried to ruin the performance, but I think they managed to gag her early enough. (80 points)

Brooke: A pretty cool folksy arrangement of a Pat Benatar classic. I thought she did a fantastic job, and I also gave her 10 bonus hotness points. (95 points)

Syesha: She still seems very full of herself. She's also awesome, even with such a stupid fucking song. (79 points)

I didn't get around to watching last night's show until after 10:00 tonight. I don't know who was voted out. I guess I'll go look in a bit.

Carly: I really like Carly. I think she's easily one of the best singers. But maybe her voice is a little plain. It seemed that way tonight, at least. (80 points)

Syesha: She seems pretty full of herself. Maybe, if I were that awesome, I would be too. A fantastic performance. (85 points)

Brooke: I like Brooke, but she really blew most of the low notes tonight. She should have picked another song. The judges apparently heard a different performance than the one I heard. (60 points)

Ramiele: Just incredibly cute. Like a baby bunny riding around on the back of another baby bunny. Also, she is my favorite girl in the competition. (90 points)

Kristy Lee: Stupid song. Okay performance. Boring. (65 points)

Amanda: Painful. Everything from the hair to the pants to the "dancing" - and especially the singing - it was all just painful. I want those two minutes of my life back, please. (20 points)

Alaina: Great song. She mangled a couple of notes. Good job, though. (80 points)

Alexandrea: Seems like she picked a very hard song, and I think she did very well with it. (85 points)

Kady: One of my favorites, even after tonight's lackluster performance. I gave her 15 bonus points for being smoldering hot. (95 points)

Asia'h: Stupid name. Pretty good performance, but I've heard much better renditions of that song. her arrangement was a little weird. (80 points)

Well, the snowstorm was a dud. Despite some promise early in the evening, it petered out fairly quickly. I'm looking at two inches where I'd been expecting up to ten inches. So I can empathize with the ex-girlfriends of this one fucker at Rich O's.

I have high hopes for the coming ice storm, though.

---

The other night I saw someone reaching out to another person. I watched her reach out, and I watched her get absolutely nothing in response. I can certainly empathize with that, because sometimes it seems like all I do is reach out to find nothing.

Now, to be fair, every now and then people will reach out to me, and I'll either slap their hand away or squeeze it gently then move it aside - it depends on my mood and on who is doing the reaching. Sometimes, I do that. Maybe people think I'm a dick because of it, but I know the truth. I'm just trying to keep both of my hands free, in case they're ever really needed.

---

I'm really excited about this Jumper movie that's coming out. It's one of my favorite books. I know that movies are almost never as good as the books they're based on, but I have a good feeling about this particular movie. Also, I wish I could jump around from place to place like that. It would be cool.

That same guy wrote another book I really like. It's called Wildside. I think that would make a good movie, too.

It happened twice tonight. While I was watching my tivoed recording of American Idol and drinking a yummy Schlenkerla Urbock (320) and mentally kicking myself for, once again, letting my nap run on for far too long.

I don't even think I dreamed tonight. That's strange, because usually there's something about sleeping on my back, on my couch, that gets the old eyeballs moving rapidly. But not tonight, I don't think.

So, I was sitting there on my loveseat watching mostly bad singers, hoping for a good singer, or at least a hot girl to look at. During the boring parts of the show, I'd think about things. Do some navel-gazing, basically. And twice I was completely overwhelmed. I was completely overwhelmed and nearly incapacitated. The first time it was sadness that washed over me, the second time it was joy. Each time, it was perfect. Just incredible unblemished emotion. The first time a single sob left my lips. The second time, it was a laugh.

Tuesday, I talked to ArtGirl about experiencing every moment. Good, bad, or neutral, all moments of life should be lived and experienced in their entirety. Because they're not going to happen again. Ever. So, may as well pay attention to them. They might be important. They probably are important.

Tonight I had two perfect moments. One was good, the other was bad. I wouldn't trade either of them for anything. Perfect moments are our most precious gifts to ourselves.

Anyway, this all got me interested, so I did a search on my blog for the phrase perfect moment. I found one promise, one declaration, and one memory. I'd have thought there'd have been more. It certainly seems like the kind of thing I'd write about more often.

I think that the whole purpose of this entry was to put that link in. I think that I just wanted to prove that I used to be able to write decent drivel, even if I can't seem to do it anymore.

That show Extreme Makeover: Home Edition is in Louisville makeovering a home.

Yeah, I know that's not a real word.

It's been all over the radio, how they're redoing a house for some semi-famous blind guy. Plus I guess they're all staying at this fancy hotel across the street from where I work. At least there's been a very large bus parked there all week, and everyone is saying it's the people from the show.

I used to watch that show. I used to like it. I mean, the things that they do to transform those houses are truly amazing. But I haven't watched it in a couple of years. It just got to be too much, with all the heartwarming and the tears and the uplifting moments.

It used to be that they'd swoop in and fix up a house for any of a number of reasons. Maybe because you were cool, or you needed more space, or maybe just because you applied for the thing. And, of course, there were the charity cases. People in real trouble, who needed real help.

But things changed. I guess the heartwarming stories rapidly became the most popular ones. And the more desperate the lives of the people being helped, the better the ratings were. So it kinda snowballed.

It used to be, back when I first started watching that show, it used to be that I could almost imagine them showing up at my house someday. I liked the semi-randomness. For me, that was a really big part of the show's appeal.

Now, though, they don't do that semi-random stuff anymore. If they show up at your house now, then you know that your life truly sucks big ones.

Like, we had a storm here in August, and one of my Tivos broke. I seriously doubt that the people from the show are going to give my house a makeover because of my broken Tivo. But, back when the show first came on, it was fun to fantasize about it. Now, it would be a horrible fantasy. Because first I'd have to imagine that half my family was dead. And the other half had cancer. And the other half was blind or otherwise disabled. And that my cats all hated me. And that, despite all the problems, I still spent all of my spare time and all of my spare money helping those even less fortunate than I was.

It used to be fun to fantasize about that show redoing my house. But now, I wouldn't wish that fate on my worst enemy. Nobody deserves to have a life that's so crappy as to lure that show in.

Sunday night:

Aecht Schlenkerla Helles Lagerbier (3)

(bottle) Golden color, minimal head. Aroma of stale hops. Flavor of a citrusy stale lager tamed just a bit by smoke. The flavor wasn't too bad, but the damn aroma was disgusting. I poured most of the bottle out.

Barley Island Dirty Helen Brown (22)

(draft) Dark copper, with huge head and good lacing. Malty flavor with caramel and toffee in there too. Mouthfeel a little thin, but a great-tasting beer. I will look for this again.

Today was pretty boring, as Mondays usually are. Had Lunch with NotHideousGirl and got to listen to some dude in a groovy shirt try valiantly and lamely to pick her up. Talked to WeirdGirl for a minute or two on the phone - she's still not feeling well. Worked on a bunch of disaster recovery plans for work. Talked to my sister Dina on the phone. Went to Rich O's. Had the aforementioned Dirty Helen beer. Bought a pizza. Came home. Watched 10 Things I Hate About You.

I continue to be in a strange mood. I feel like I'm being hit from all sides by things which I don't understand and for which I'm woefully unprepared. So I'm a little bit jumpy. On edge, as I said in my last entry. But not just about the timing thing. I'm on edge about everything. I kind of feel like I'm living a pre-apocalyptic phase of my life, and I need to do something to prevent something terrible from happening.

Weird, I know.

Yesterday was a long day.

First, I got to go file a police report about some crap. Look for the story on Law & Order in the Fall. I will be playing myself, and I think I'd like Patricia Velasquez to play my love interest. Not that the story really has a love interest, but I'm maintaining creative control here, and I say it needs one. A hot one.

Then I went to Buffalo Wild Wings for my customary naked tenders. They were out of Newcastle so I had a heterosexual Blue Moon (555) instead.

Once she finally got off work, I went and hung out with WeirdGirl. Then we ended up sleeping until about 9:30 when she had to fucking go back to work because of some big bartending emergency.

So, I came home and was debating going back out when HatGirl called.

HatGirl?

Yay?

Damn right, yay!

She'd been thinking about going to Rich O's, even though it was pretty late, so of course I broke all sorts of traffic and physics laws getting there. But it was too late. They were already threatening last-call, so HatGirl wasn't coming. Oh yeah, I had a yummy Upland Winter Warmer (220) while I was there.

When they started kicking everyone out of Rich O's, I texted WeirdGirl. She was still working. So I went over to this Mac's place to listen to karaoke. I'd been thinking that maybe NotHideousGirl would be there, but I think she was still watching her nieces or something.

You know what's weird? When a cute young girl, who you never saw before in your life, follows you into the men's restroom at Mac's and talks to you while you valiantly attempt to pee anyway, then she drapes herself all over you so she can get by the doorman without getting carded.

You know what else is weird? When you're just sitting at the bar, kinda listening to karaoke with maybe half a percent of your brain, and you recognize a voice. Then you turn around and it's your uncle Wayne who's running the karaoke at the place.

I ended up having a couple Newcastles (5740) and talking to various people about various crap, like how rap music always gives me the urge to start killing whities. I tried to talk to PeeGirl, but I'd already served my purpose with her. Her friend actually seemed more interested in talking to me, but she was with some dork.

Then I came home at about 3:00. I was going to go to White Castle, but I forgot.

The conference ended at 1:00 on Thursday, which was quite cool because it gave me some time to attempt to take a nap. It would have been even cooler if the nap had actually happened, but the construction going on in the room above me prevented any Zs from being caught.

I managed to snap a picture of the construction equipment as it was heading to the room above me. How they fit all that shit into one room I'll never know:

After I gave up on sleep, I took my last bottle of Alaskan Smoked Porter down to the race and sports book place. They were perfectly willing to let me use one of their glasses, but they said that some red tape bullshit rule prevented them from opening the bottle. Then this one dude took pity on me and showed me how to open a beer bottle using a lighter. I've already mentioned learning this valuable skill. The Alaskan Smoked Porter (589) was yummy, by the way.

Then I had a Fat Tire (587) and played video poker and glared at my phone for an hour or so. See, I maybe had a date. I wasn't even going to mention it here, in case it didn't pan out. But I had a maybe date with StupidGirl, because my new best friend had told his girlfriend that I was in town, and then his girlfriend had told StupidGirl. She finally called me at 6:00 or so with the excuse that she just got off work.

For those joining me late, I realize that StupidGirl is a terrible nickname. I would change it to SweetGirl, but StupidGirl actually likes her nickname. She says that it gives her a story to tell. So the nickname stays.

Anyway.

StupidGirl and went up to Fremont Street and dicked around there for a while. We were going to have dinner at Main Street Station's brewpub, but they were out of their Triple 7 Porter, and all of their other beers suck. So, in protest, we ate at this Grill Bar Saloon place. I drank Diet Coke, and StupidGirl had some foo-foo thing.

After dinner, we went back to The Strip and took in the volcano at the Mirage and the fountains at Bellagio. Walking down The Strip holding hands with a pretty girl is still one of life's perfect moments for me. I wish I could do it every night. In front of the Bellagio fountains there was much slaking. I think it was all the gushing of the water that gave us the idea. Some lady took our picture slaking in front of the fountains. I gave her my email address so she can send me a copy.

This part is probably going to seem pretty lame, but nothing reportable happened beyond that. I really like StupidGirl, and I'm going to leave it there. Maybe next time I'm in Las Vegas...

Here's some crap I wrote Wednesday night.

Another Las Vegas Wednesday. Another night when I get to realize that it's the last full night I'll have here for months. Another night when I get to wonder if I could have done more with my week. Well, this time it's more like a certainty than a wondering, and it's more like a lifetime than a week. But, that's just my mood right now. It fluctuates, in case you haven't noticed.

I'm sitting at the Tilted Kilt, drinking a yummy Tilted Kilt (656) and just kind of soaking in the place for the last time. See, it's going away. Probably late this Summer. And I won't be back until November, so tonight is the last time I'll sit at this bar. This sucks. This place has been my main escape and distraction during an awful lot of troubled times. Las Vegas just won't be the same for me without it.

Also, I really like the free shows here at The Rio. Here's a crappy picture:

See, that kind of thing almost never happens back at Rich O's. Not even for DaveFest. Plus, it's kinda funny to see five of the gayest guys on Earth, trying to feign interest as they dance/grope five of the hottest girls on Earth.

Much time passes...

I've stayed here at the Tilted Kilt longer than I'd planned, and I've had more glasses of Tilted Kilt (720) than I'd planned, because I've realized that when this bar goes away, it takes this beer with it. This makes me even more sad, hence the staying and the drinking.

Okay, first I need to get this out of the way. It's a beer I tried for the first time on Thursday.

Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Marzen

(draft) I was not expecting to like this. I don't know why. A nice clear dark amber color. The aroma of a smoky campfire. The smoke flavor is fairly apparent, and it's just smoke - no bacon or grapes or anything else to taint the flavor. I liked this a lot.

Anyway, on to Friday night.

Rich O's was moderately crowded when I arrived. Mostly with strangers. And there was a buttload of SteveFest celebrators out in the special people section. I sat at the bar and had a Koningshoeven Quad (498), then one of the aforementioned Marzens (55).

NotHideousGirl called at one point from Louisville, and I went outside so I could talk with her for a bit. She invited me to join her at the pub but I needed to stick around Rich O's for a while longer just in case anything cool happened. When I went back in to Rich O's, I had Roger introduce me to SteveFest Steve. As I'd been expecting, I never saw him before in my life.

I was thinking that maybe there could have been some official ceremony to mark the passage from the year of DaveFest to the year of SteveFest, but there was none. One dude took pictures though, so they might show up somewhere.

After a while the strangers left the island, so I moved there. I had another Marzen (75) and talked with various people for a while. This one chick said that a ceremonial beer stein might me a good thing to incorporate into future ceremonies.

Right after I ordered my third Marzen, some secret admirer arranged for a new beer to be delivered to me.

Monk's Cafe Flemish Sour Red (10)

(draft) Clear ruby-brown in color. A nice fluffy head. Sour cherries and apples in both the aroma and the flavor. Very comparable to Metreechs. Quite good.

I ended up only drinking the last half of the Marzen (85). I went over to Louisville to see this fashion show they were having for breast cancer awareness. By the time I got there, NotHideousGirl had already left. WeirdGirl wasn't working. So I hung out at Hard Rock and talked to CoolHairGirl and had several Diet Cokes.

Once the models started stomping along the runway (why do they have to stomp around like that?) I went out and watched them for a while. I tried to take pictures but none of the turned out worth shit. All of the models were, of course, quite hot. But I found myself thinking that maybe they should divert some of the proceeds from the event to buy the poor girls something to eat. It was cool though. First time I've gone to a fashion show, mostly because I'm straight.

Oh yeah, I texted HatGirl to let her know that Dragon's Milk is on at Rich O's. She replied that they might come in Saturday night. If so, yay!

I think that's about it.

I think that, to a lot of my friends, I'm quite handy. I'm a flashlight in the bottom of a cluttered kitchen drawer. Used briefly, and then put away and forgotten. Until the next time I'm needed. It's a lonely existence most of the time, but it's still nice to be useful.

---

I went and bought some bottles of Spezial Rauchbier today. I had two of them tonight (1504). It's pretty damn good. I want more.

---

Tomorrow is virtual Friday for me. Then it's a four-day weekend. What will I do during this four-day weekend? I'll wait and hope, of course. What else would I do?

---

Just about every day, when it's warm, I walk to The Pub for lunch. Google says it's seven-tenths of a mile. It seems longer than that.

---

In two and a half weeks I'll be in Las Vegas again. I should really start trying to get excited about the trip. I could certainly use the distraction.

---

HarpO wrote an entry yesterday which contained this sentence:

"Sometimes people do every thing to lead you on then if you make the effort to respond they pretend you acted without stimulus."

I'm think that this just might be the truest statement ever written. Also, HarpO and I are apparently living parallel lives.

---

I opened my present from yesterday, and it was exactly what I thought it was. It made me smile for about an hour.

---

Today I spent a lot of money on something that I'll probably never use.

---

I'm very confused about tonight's Lost finale. If the thing with Jack was supposed to be in the future, then why was his dad still alive?

---

There are two people, ostensibly among my best friends for my entire life, and I haven't seen one of them in seven months, and I haven't seen the other one in almost a year. This is not completely my fault.

---

I'm in a weird mood.

I think I like it best when I'm in a weird mood. Like tonight. It just seems that these are the times when I'm able to think the most clearly. About life's possibilities and shit like that.

I mean, when I'm sad, then all I can think about is whatever is making me sad. And, if I'm happy, I'm usually in shock, so I don't think much at all. I'm too busy smiling.

Tonight I watched an entire HDTV broadcast for the first time, despite the fact that I've had an HD-capable TV for three years. I bought a new antenna from Radio Shack a couple of months ago. Tonight, I hooked it up and watched Lost in high-def. Pretty cool, but I missed my Tivo's ability to fast-forward through the commercials.

I think that the Spring of 2004 was a pretty good time in my life. Sometimes I wish that I'd have been able to more fully appreciate it when it was happening. But then I remember that uncertainty principle thing. I remember that, if I'd fully seen and understood what was happening, what was about to happen, well then I'd almost certainly have changed it simply by knowing about it.

In the Spring of 2004, I was rapidly becoming a beer snob. I hung out at Rich O's with LaptopGirl, and I tried dozens and dozens of new beers. Some I liked, and some I didn't like. But all were possessed of the same potential right up until that moment when I took that first sip.

That's why I like being in a weird mood like I'm in right now. Because at times like this, life seems to have potential. I don't feel the need to fix anything, and I don't feel the urge to relish in anything, and I don't feel the urge to simply give up, or stand my ground, or fight for anything.

It's nice.

Hmmmm, Wednesday already. Seems like I haven't posted anything in days. And it's only been since late Monday. Or just a few hours, if you count the shaved pussies entry.

My cats Buddy and Happy seem to have taken their groomings in stride. But Nugget, my other cat, is catatonic. He doesn't recognize his friends at all, and he's done nothing but cower in the basement since yesterday. I feel bad, and he's going to feel really stupid when he figures out that he's been so freaked-out and it was Happy and Buddy all along.

Anyway, SassyGirl is back in town! Yay!

She called me yesterday after work, and so of course I went down to meet her and JauntyGirl at Rich O's. The reunion wasn't as poignant as the one in March had been, but why should it have been? It's only been a few weeks this time. Still, it's always very cool to see her.

Oh yeah, she told me that her parents have admitted to reading this journal. So, Hi, SassyGirl's parents! You raised one hell of a good daughter there. I hope you're proud.

Other than seeing SassyGirl, and having two of my cats shaved, not much going on around here. At least nothing much that I can think of at the moment.

Anybody watch Heroes Monday night? That Parkman guy turned into a real dick, didn't he?

I guess that's it for now.

Just two things about tonight's Lost episode.

1. That chick was hot.

2. Being buried alive would suck.

Just trying to get this out of the way so I can get some fucking sleep.

LaKisha: She was very wavery. Is that a word? It should be, because that's what she was. (65 points)

Chris S: A decent job, but he didn't sound like the Chris I'm used to hearing: (60 points)

Gina: Great song. Great performance. Take the title from LaKisha's wavery grasp and give it to Gina. Do it now! (100 points)

Sanjaya: I didn't listen because he sucks. I did, however, take off eighteen billion points for the stupid hairstyle. (negative 18,000,000,000 points)

Haley: Stupid song. Performance was way too timid. Nice voice, but I didn't care. Her hair looked great though. (70 points)

Phil: Wow, pretty damn good. I get the feeling that he's been singing this song for years. His best performance, by far. (90 points)

Melinda: Some song I never heard of. Fantastic job. She chose to sing this week instead of growl. Good choice. (95 points)

Blake: A good, but boring, performance. Very safe. The judges all want to fellate him. (70 points)

Jordin: Stupid song. Awkward performance. Yuck. (40 points)

Chris R: Great song. Performance was very good at times, and dreadfully flat at others, disappointing overall. (45 points)

I hate how I've been putting off my beer reports lately. I've been putting them off for so long that I never get around to writing them. And then if I do decide to write them, they end up being a gazillion lines long.

Like this one will probably be. Oh well, can't be helped. I need these things to keep track of my own comings and goings. Like I don't have a fucking clue what I did last Saturday night.

Let's see. Friday night I went to this stupid Mac's place again to listen to NotHideousGirl sing karaoke. I had a couple Newcastles (3944) and a couple Blue Moons (448). All were good, but they were about the only things good about the night. I couldn't hear NotHideousGirl sing at all. I don't know if it was her, or if it was the noise in the place, or if it was the karaoke sound system being messed-up. I could hear the other singers, the ones who sucked, just fine though. So it was probably that NotHideousGirl sang too softly.

Then the entire night started to take on a sour note because women are weird and often mean. Plus, WeirdGirl started drunk-dialing me. The calls started out angry and, over the course of about a half-dozen calls, ended up being sad. Since the situation at Mac's had been rapidly deteriorating for an hour or so anyway, I left there and went to talk to WeirdGirl. I think we're okay now. She'd been hearing rumors and making assumptions. I straightened her out. The truth didn't exactly make her happy, but it wasn't nearly as bad as what she'd been thinking.

Anyway.

Saturday evening my friend Eric called to see what I was doing. It was his birthday, and he figured he'd be out later. So that was cool. It promised to distract me from the panic attack I was having, wondering if MixedSignalGirl was going to call about her CD.

I left home at about 6:00, and went over to Louisville. I went to The Pub and had a Newcastle (3964) and some cold fries and nuclear-hot chicken tenders. The place was really packed, and I got claustrophobic, so I didn't stay. I stopped by Hard Rock and talked to CoolHairGirl for a few seconds, but that place was packed with kids, so I went to Rich O's at 8:00 or so.

I was in a pretty shitty mood until I got to Rich O's. My mood got a lot better when I saw that TeamHotness was sitting out front. They always make a big deal out of seeing me because I'm so awesome.

Rich O's proper was full of mostly strangers, but the throne was open so I sat there and ordered an Urthel Samaranth Quadrium (56). I love that beer. Tried to talk to some of the weird people around me, but I didn't really have any luck until this one hot girl came in and sat on the arm of the loveseat. Our proximity pretty much required that we talk, so we did. I'll call her BBCGirl. She's nice.

At about the time I started my third Quadrium (76) things started happening at a rapid pace. OddlyFamiliarGirl came in and I talked to her for a bit. I also, as promised, put in a good word for Roger to her. I think my exact words were, "Roger says to put in a good word for him if I see you so, Yay Roger!"

I made sure to raise my hands in the air to add emphasis.

OddlyFamiliarGirl confessed to reading my journal, so that was weird. Hi, OddlyFamiliarGirl!

Then TeamHotness came into Rich O's proper and crammed in next to me and, for half of the team, on top of me. I really like those two, and I wish they'd come in more often.

Then, surprise!

HatGirl!

Yay!

She was a little grouchy because of the crowd I guess, but grouchy HatGirl is still a zillion times better than no HatGirl. LuckyFucker was with her of course, and this time he seemed to be the one in a decent mood. Wonders never cease. We three stood in the middle of the room for a bit, but when a couple of strangers finally left the sofa we moved back to that area. Then TeamHotness came in again and reminded me that I'm awesome.

Then my friend Eric showed up, and I made everyone sing Happy Birthday to him. I don't think he cried, but I'm sure he thought it was a nice thing to do.

There were no more seats available in the living room area, so Eric and I went up and sat at the island. HatGirl joined us there, and we just talked about various fluff for the next hour or so. Once HatGirl and LuckyFucker left, WomanRepellant joined us for a while.

I ended up drinking the rest of HatGirl's Quadrium (82). I think it was too strong for her. But, Yay for free beer!

Eventually, WomanRepellant left. Everyone left actually. Eric and I stayed and talked until the bartender kicked us out. Then I went to White Castle and then came home.

When I got home, I was still excited that I'd got to see HatGirl, so that's what the previous entry was for. Just letting off some extra steam.

Haley: Wow. Nice legs. Nice tits. Nice ass. Nice Smile. I think she sang something. (70 points)

Chris R: I've always liked that song. Chris didn't mangle it too badly. (75 points)

Stephanie: Another great song. I thought she oversang it. Still good though. (71 points)

Blake: He sucks. I took off a million points for the beat box crap. (negative 999,970 points)

LaKisha: She picked the wrong song. I'm still a huge fan, but tonight she sucked. (35 points)

Phil: Stupid song. Bad karaoke performance. (55 points)

Jordin: Strange song, but she did great. I adore Jordin now. (95 points)

Sanjaya: I muted my TV because he sucks. They showed one audience girl who was crying because he was so bad. Then they made her hug him. She's probably killed herself by now. That's a shame.

Gina: Stupid song. Performance was frantic and chaotic. Not very good, dawg. (35 points)

Chris S: Good song. Perfect tone and control. I thought this was his best yet. (90 points)

Melinda: Some weird song nobody ever heard of before. She growled her way through it. I didn't like it much. (55 points)

All in all, a pretty pathetic night.

Okay, now we're down to the final twelve. This is usually the part where I start to lose interest. Some shitty singer will keep advancing week after week, and one or more of my favorites will be eliminated, and I'll stop watching.

This year, I expect that the shitty singer in question will be that Sanjaya fucker. I hope I'm wrong.

Anyway, this week they sang Diana Ross songs. Gee, do you think the producers might have some favorites in mind already? Maybe some black women? Time will tell.

Brandon: Nothing really terrible, but he's just so damn boring. Plus, how do you forget the words to a song that's been famous for forty years? (30 points)

Melinda: She always manages to make whatever song she sings seem like the perfect song for her. She's an incredible talent. (100 points)

Chris S: Great song. He seemed to be drifting in and out of tune a lot. I usually really like Chris, but not this week. I didn't hate it nearly as much as the judges did. (65 points)

Gina: I like her hair. I don't like her song choice. She kinda seemed like she was singing with a gun to her head. She's still better than most though. (80 points)

Sanjaya: I didn't listen because he sucks. Please get him off my TV. (0 points)

Haley: She looks beautiful, and she picked a great song. She sang well. She forgot some words, but I'm inclined to forgive her because I'm so nice. (80 points)

Phil: Started out really flat, but finished strong. I like Phil, but I fear that I've already heard his best performance, and it's not good enough. (75 points)

LaKisha: What a stupid song. She did the best she could with it, I suppose. She sang like she was under restraint or something. Zzzzzzzzz. The judges loved it, so I may be wrong. (40 points)

Blake: Please, get this fucker off my TV. (negative 215 points)

Stephanie: Good song. Performance was decent, but a little boring and predictable. (71 points)

Chris R: Sang through his nose. He sucks. (25 points)

Jordin: Stupid Disney song, but she nailed it. I took off three points for the stupid song choice, but otherwise perfect. I think I adore Jordin now. (97 points)

Okay, if Sanjaya and Blake aren't voted out this week, then the viewers are stupid.

Mindfreak is the show that the illusionist Criss Angel does. My Tivo records it all the time, and it's a good show. That guy is amazing.

Tonight I watched an episode where he was levitating people. He'd start out by hypnotizing them, asking them to imagine their perfect moment and relax into it. Then he'd levitate them. Like I said, the guy's amazing.

So of course I searched my memory to find my own perfect moment. It didn't take long before I found it. The most perfect moment out of a thousand similar moments.

There was a night, back in the Summer of 2004. Rich O's was packed with strangers and weirdoes, and I was sitting on the loveseat being miserable. Then she came in. She came through the door into Rich O's proper and she kinda frowned when she saw how crowded it was, but then she saw me and she smiled and then she sat with me.

When she smiled, that was my perfect moment.

As I once wrote, it most certainly was not a crush. And fuck anyone who tries to dismiss it as such.

Jordin: Boring but good. (70 points)

Sabrina: She gets prettier each week, and her singing is steady as a rock. She needs to keep working on her depth though. (75 points)

Antonella: Not very good. Bad, in fact. I will miss her because she seems sweet. (25 points)

Haley: Smoldering hot. Sang some song I never heard before. Good but not great. (75 points)

Stephanie: She's back! Yay! Just awesome. (90 points)

LaKisha: Seriously, just give her the the fucking title. I took off 10 points because I'm a little concerned that she can only sing huge songs. (90 points)

Gina: She's fucking awesome. She has horrible luck with that one background singer though. (95 points)

Melinda: I really like Melinda, but tonight she seemed a little too gospelly for my tastes. She's still great though. (85 points)

Blake: The stupidest performance I've ever seen in my life. I took off 50 points because he fooled me into liking him a couple of weeks ago. (negative 35 points)

Sanjaya: A good song for him, and a decent performance. No, really. And I'll try not to kill myself for admitting that he did a decent job. (65 points)

Sundance: I'm pretty sure that he was drunk. I'm positive that I wished I was. (10 points)

Chris R: A decent job with a country song. A little twangy at times. (50 points)

Jared: Look! It's the man with no soul! I thought it was funny when Paula advised him to "color-up" his performances. (0 points)

Brandon: This is some kind of sick joke, right? (negative 473 points)

Phil: Good song. Started out crappy, then got kinda sorta better, then finished crappy. (25 points)

Chris S: Sang some strange song, but I liked it, and I thought he did a great job. (80 points)

Before I get into my reviews of the girls this week, I should point out three things.

First, I will typically watch the performance, then write my thoughts. Then I'll listen to what the judges had to say. Randy I can always ignore because he's a racist asshole. Paula I can safely ignore because she's too damn nice, and she may be drunk. Simon, I usually end up agreeing with. Sometimes, if Simon and I really disagree, I'll write something about that fact. But usually not.

Secondly, I'm in a bad mood.

Thirdly, joining me for tonight's viewing was Brother Thelonious from the North Coast Brewery (50).

Gina: Very good. That one loud and out of tune background singer should be fucking shot though. I like Gina. (75 points)

Alaina: A good job, but this week her voice seemed very generic. There are lots of people on the radio who sound worse than her, but there are lots more who sound better than her. I gave her a million bonus points for being so hot. I thought the judges were way too harsh on her, and I'd like to hug her and pet her to make her feel better. (1,000,070 points)

LaKisha: She had her hair redone. It looks good. She looks her age now. She did an amazing performance of a great song. Give her the fucking title right now. (100 points)

Melinda: Stupid song, but an incredible performance. She finished particularly strong. No flaws. (100 points)

Antonella: She looks hot in a groovy dress. A good song, but her performance was wavering at times and flat at others. I adore Antonella, but not her singing. Now I'm in a bad mood. She seems so nice. I give her a half-million bonus points for not being stuck-up. (500,065 points)

Jordin: Disneyesque performance of a stupid song. Much better than last week though. (80 points)

Stephanie: Maybe it's all the fault of the horribly stupid song choice, but I thought this was a train wreck. (5 points)

Leslie: Adorable. Boring song. I took off 100 points for that stupid skat stuff. (negative 40 points)

Haley: Disconcertingly pretty. I really like her voice, and I thought she did a good job. (80 points)

Sabrina: She's managed to gain some depth to her voice in the past week. Wow. (85 points)

A pretty shitty night. I might not bother to watch the guys next week.

Phil: Pretty good. Safe and boring, but good. (75 points)

Jared: Wow. The perfect song for him. This is the kind of music he should be singing all the time. (85 points)

A.J.: Quite possibly the gayest A.I. performer since Clay Aiken. Not that there's anything wrong with that. As for his performance, I fell asleep. (50 points)

Sanjaya: I didn't listen because he sucks. I bet he spends a lot of time being shoved into lockers at school. (0 points)

Chris S: He missed a few notes singing a stupid song. I gave 15 bonus points because his wife is hot. (80 points)

Nick: I like his voice, but it really clashed with this song. I didn't care for this performance at all. (40 points)

Blake: A decent performance of a stupid song. I took off 50 points for the stupid hat, another 30 for the gangster wannabe hand gesture crap, and another 800 for the beat box bullshit. (-820 points)

Brandon: Incredibly out of tune. (10 points)

Chris R: The judges all want to suck his dick for some reason. I don't like him at all. Plus, it was a stupid song. (20 points)

Sundance: Stupid song, but he did a pretty good job with it. (70 points)

I sat down here a few minutes ago, thinking that I should probably do a weekend recap or some shit like that.

So here goes.

Saturday night I had a 1950s date with a nice girl I met Friday at lunch. After lunch actually. We did the 1950s dinner (Red Lobster) and a movie (Children of Men) thing. It was quite nice, and I think we actually like each other, but it's a bit too soon for me, and we both realized it at about the same time. I mean, I met her about two minutes after MixedSignalGirl ended our lunch date so abruptly.

Sunday I worked all damn day, then I took a five-hour nap.

Okay, that's my weekend recap. I never said it would be interesting.

Plus, I want to write about something else. Something that I started thinking and wondering about right after my nap.

Emotionally, I am about halfway shut down, I think. But realistically I should be much much worse. I want to be much worse.

I don't know if the events of the past couple of years have numbed me, or if maybe I just don't care about these new things as much as I'd have thought, or if maybe I'm still in denial.

I kinda hope it's only the denial thing.

Because I don't want to be numb. I paid too high a price to get my emotions back to have them come back neutered.

I don't want to be apathetic either.

I hope it's just denial, and I hope that someday soon reality will trample its way into my head and my heart and destroy me.

I don't want to be sort of sad. I want to be devastated and obliterated.

Weird, I know.

You know what? This subject is worthy of more creative ability than I can muster right now.

Maybe some other time.

I always like the girls nights, at least until all the hot girls have been eliminated. This year there's an abundance of hot girls, so I was really looking forward to tonight.

Joining me on tonight's viewing journey was a yummy bottle of Gulden Draak (271).

Stephanie: Born 60 years too late. A fantastic performance which I fear will be marginalized simply because it came first. (85 points)

Amy: Cute as fuck. She sang a little flat, and she mumbled a lot of words. (65 points)

Leslie: Also quite cute. Stupid song. She went flatline several times. (65 points)

Sabrina: Damn, another cute girl. No wonder I like girls night so much. Anyway, a technically perfect performance, but her voice has no depth. I don't know if she'll be able to overcome that handicap. (75 points)

Antonella: Smoldering hot. Singing was all over the map. Mostly all wet. I feel bad for her because she seems very nice and sweet. (60 points)

Jordin: Drunken karaoke at first, but the second half of the performance was much much better. I took off 10 points because she spells her name wrong. (65 points)

Nicole: A lovely girl. She jumped around between nasally and artificially low and screaming. I couldn't understand a word she sang. (50 points)

Haley: Adorable. I love her rich voice. Her performance was severely limited by her stupid song choice. I hope she gets a chance to pick a better song. (75 points)

Melinda: One of my favorites form the earlier shows. Still one of my favorites. Second-best of the night, I thought. (90 points)

Alaina: Fuckalicious. Fantastic voice, which she chose not to showcase by picking a Stevie Nicks song. I hope she stays, because I adore her. I gave her 10 bonus points because she's carrying my child. (75 points)

Gina: Cute as fuck. My absolute favorite from the earlier shows, and my absolute favorite after tonight. Fantastic song choice, fantastic performance. (95 points)

LaKisha: She's weird. She looks like she's 50-years-old until she sings, then she drops 30 years. She sang a huge song, and it wasn't even close to being big enough for her voice. This girl can fucking sing. (85 points)

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm an American Idol watcher. I've been hooked, more or less, since the first season. When I realized that I loved Kelly Clarkson.

For the last couple of years I haven't been as big of a fan. I usually stop watching the guys after a couple of weeks. I'll keep watching the girls, but eventually my favorites get eliminated and I stop watching altogether. Until the next season.

Like this season. I'll watch it for a while, and I'll make entries like this one for a while. but it will all stop eventually.

So don't get hooked on my reviews. Please. That's too much pressure for me.

Anyway, tonight the guys sang. This is always boring to me, probably because I don't have a vagina. But I watched, and I wrote down my impressions. I had a yummy Koningshoeven Quad (346) while I watched.

Rudy: Sang a Six Flags version of a Six Flags song. I know this guy can sing, but he chose to coast through tonight. He's a lot better than this. (80 points)

Brandon: I fell asleep he was so boring. I'm giving him 50 points because it's my birthday.

Sundance: Stupid name, but probably not his fault. Great song. He seemed a little unsure about what to do with his arms. He sang great though. (85 points)

Paul: His tone was way too low for this arrangement. The volume of his voice was also too low. (70 points)

Chris R: Drunken karaoke. Awful. (40 points)

Nick: I really like this guy's voice. I thought he did a great job. (87 points)

Blake: Great song. Started out great. Finished great. This guy really surprised me. A lot. (90 points)

Sanjaya: I fell asleep, and I only woke up when he mangled a note. Horrible. (20 points)

Chris S: I expected to really like this guy, and I was a little disappointed. Put him in front of a club band, and he'll shine. As a solo artist, not so much. (75 points)

Jared: Nice job. Forgettable, but nice. (80 points)

A.J.: There seems to be a rule that anyone named A.J. or AJ that goes on this show must suck. I shot pool until this guy was done. He gets 50 points only because it's my birthday.

Phil: My favorite guy from the earlier shows. He started out like his nuts were in a vise. Then he spent the next part overcompensating. He finished quite strong though. (75 points)

Today I watched a stupid movie called The Family Stone.

To successfully enjoy this movie, you'd have to do two things. First, you'd have to pretend that the characters aren't all whores and/or selfish pricks. Second, you'd have to pretend that Sarah Jessica Parker is about a gazillion times prettier than she really is.

I failed at both tasks.

For me, the only redeeming qualities about the movie were (a) that Rachel McAdams was in it, and (b) this one part where this one whore told a story about a guy that built a totem pole.

I didn't catch the first part of the totem pole story, but I got the impression that there was a guy who was sad. I think the words used to describe him were that there was a hole in his heart.

Or some drivel like that anyway.

So, to cheer him up, the town gave him a log. Not a big party. Not money. A big ass log.

But it was okay.

The guy spent like eight years carving that log into a totem pole. And I guess there was a big ceremony when the thing was raised. And it was beautiful. The town got a fancy new totem pole, and the guy got to fill that hole in his heart with something.

I thought it was a sweet story.

And now I want a log, so I can make a totem pole, so I can fill this fucking hole in my heart.

And I want the log for my birthday, which is in two days.

I fully expect to shut down in two days. If I do, then you people might not hear very much from me for a while. If I don't, well if I don't then I was wrong. About a lot of things. And I'll be okay. And I'll never mention this shutting down nonsense again.

Please stop sucking dead donkey dicks.

Thank you,

Dave

...on Lost! are real dicks.

Except for this chick. I have a massive crush on her:

Probably in part because she used to be this girl on Malcolm in the Middle and she's the one that started the whole perverted brunettes with glasses thing for me.

If only there'd been a dorky girl like that when I was in school.

You can find ghosts in the most obscure places.

Especially when you're looking for them.

Last night was, as I wrote yesterday, the occasion of the thing in the place with the people. It was supposed to be a surprise, so I didn't say anything more than that. Well the surprise is over so I have free reign I suppose.

The thing was a comedy show, the place was The Comedy Caravan in Louisville, and the people were my friend Eric, his wife Teri, my sister Dina, her husband Kenny, Eric's brother Todd and his wife, and some people I don't really know - except that one of them may be Dina's only hot friend. The whole deal was because it's Teri's birthday today. Happy Birthday!

I'm pretty sure that it's also my grandmother's birthday today. Happy Birthday!

The show didn't start until 8:00, and I got there early, so I walked across the street to a little bar. A little haunted bar as it turned out. I hadn't recognized the place, but I'd been there before, back near the beginning of the end. Back when I broke through the clouds and caught a glimpse of just how far up I was. How far I had to fall.

Anyway, I had myself a yummy Newcastle (2506) and did a bit of catching up with the ghost of my own innocence. Then I went back across the street to the comedy place. Dina and Kenny were already waiting, and everyone else showed up shortly afterwards.

I hadn't been to the Comedy Caravan since this night, even nearer to the end. I don't suppose things have changed very much. Some of the people were funny, and some of them weren't. I think the highlight of my time there was when I went out to the lobby to have a smoke and got to talk to Dina's hot friend for a while. Talking to pretty women always lifts my spirits. For a while at least.

Oh yeah, I had two bottles of BBC Alt (282) which were a little skunked. It was also very strange to be drinking straight out of the bottle.

After the show was over, I went over to Cumberland Brewing with Eric and Todd and their wives. I had myself a yummy Cumberland Nitro Porter (180) and we all just sat around and talked for a bit. Eric told me a very funny story about his dad, but I won't relay it here because you'd really have to know Paul to see how funny it was.

After my friend left, I moved up to the bar and had another Nitro Porter (200) and thought about the times I'd gone to that place with MixedSignalGirl and SassyGirl.

Speaking of SassyGirl, nobody has had any word from her and JauntyGirl since they left. So that sucks.

After I left Cumberland, I stopped by Rich O's for a second, then I went to White Castle and came home and watched the new X-Men movie.

Avery The Reverend: 22
Delirium Tremens: 14
Me: 0

Reese Witherspoon is hot.

Not all the time.

Like I didn't think she was that great in Cruel Intentions. Sarah Michelle Gellar was about a zillion times hotter than Reese Witherspoon in that movie.

But Reese is still hot sometimes.

Like in Sweet Home Alabama.

On Monday morning they must have declared some kind of ice shortage or something, because the ice machine, located conveniently across the hall from my room, was in constant use from about 6:10 in the morning until I left at around 9:00.

What I'd decided was that I'd go and try to find a Best Buy or something so I could buy a new power adapter for my laptop.

And that's just what I did. It took a long time to find a Best Buy though.

When I got back to my room, it hadn't been touched. Big surprise.

Monday afternoon, after I'd done a little writing, I walked down to this Cleveland ChopHouse and Brewery place that the cabbie from Sunday night had recommended.

With my very yummy sirloin and my kinda rubbery shrimp, I had a couple of beers:

Cleveland ChopHouse Stout (16)

(draft) Black with cream-colored head and incredible lacing. Flavor slanted a bit more towards coffee than chocolate. A decent beer.

(draft) Wow! Unexpectedly good. Extremely well-balanced and very refreshing. It also tasted like it had a higher ABV than it really does.

It was a pretty good game. Indians vs. Yankees. I heard from somebody that it was the first time this season that Jacobs Field had been sold out. I believe this is because the Indians suck this year, but I'm really not sure.

Also, and maybe it was just the area where I was seated, but there seemed to be more Yankee fans than Indians fans at the game. That's kinda sad, I think.

As is my custom, I bought a cap and rooted for the home team.

The Indians actually won. I gathered that this was a surprise to everyone, especially the Indians.

After the game was over they had fireworks, but I wanted to beat the crowd so I high-tailed it down to the Winking Lizard and grabbed a seat at the bar. I had myself an Edmund Fitzgerald (144) and then I realized, quite suddenly, that I'd be leaving Cleveland in the morning. I decided that, no matter how yummy the Great Lakes porter was, I just had to try something else.

They have a pretty impressive beer menu. You can actually see it here if you want to play along at home.

The first choice was a no-brainer. I'd loved the Harpoon Winter Warmer so much, when I'd had it in Portland, that I just had to try their Hefeweizen.

Looking at the bottle, I should have known that something was wrong:

Look a little closer:

That's a fucking citrus wedge, right there on the bottle!

Well I told the bartender that I didn't want the damn fruit wedge, bottle artwork notwithstanding. I used my standard "I'm straight" line as an excuse.

Harpoon UFO Hefeweizen (12)

(bottle) Despite the name Hefeweizen, this is an American wheat beer. Despite that, I liked it anyway. There was none of the hop bitterness that I usually associate with this style. The thing tasted like a Belgian wheat, and it tasted good.

Unibroue Blanche de Chambly (12)

(bottle) Although supposedly a Belgian wheat, this had much of the aroma and flavor of a German wheat. If I had to put a label on it, I'd say that is was a blend of those two excellent styles. A very good beer from what is becoming one of my favorite breweries.

Then I walked back to my hotel.

The fucking bitch maid had not visited my room all fucking day.

After I tried to write some entries, I went to sleep, then I got up and made sure that the manager knew how lazy the maid was, then I drove home.

Yay!

I don't know what was going on at Rich O's last night. But I didn't like it very much. And I'm glad I didn't have to stay.

I arrived at about 9:00. I parked in Northern Alberta and hiked in. The new front area For Special People Only was crammed with Special People. The loser area was crammed with losers, the regular front area was crammed with strangers. Rich O's proper was crammed with strangers and, I immediately suspected, woohoos.

I spent about 10 minutes wondering if (a) a bartender would ever notice me, and (b) if I'd have time for a beer before it was time to leave, and (c) where the fuck all these people had come from.

I ended up leaving and going over to this Main Menu place early.

The Main Menu is an oddity to me. I don't know why. I guess partly because it's so close to Rich O's and Jack's but nobody from Rich O's ever goes there, unless we know people in a band that's playing there. Like last night, MusicalHippyDude's band OTTO was playing at 10:00.

The band was getting set up, and I talked with MusicalHippyDude briefly. GlassesGirl was there too, but the other people at the groupie table I didn't know.

So I sat at the bar next to an improbably hot girl and I ordered a Newcastle (1900). There was something wrong with it - like it had been in the keg for 10 years or something. I did manage to finish it though.

I also had the very cute bartender take a glass out of the freezer for me so that my next beer wouldn't have to suffer being poured into a chilled glass.

Speaking of next beers, my next three were all Blue Moons (258). I like Blue Moon. I especially like it when I remember to ask the bartender to leave the fruit out of it, as I did for the second and third glasses. For the first glass I forgot, but I fished the offending citrus wedge out before it completely ruined the taste.

I spent some time talking to ImprobablyHotGirl and her friend while the band continued to get ready. A few more Rich O's people came straggling in, and they kept bugging me to go join them at the groupie table.

See previous entry.

Once the band started I moved over to a table with PhotoDude and bobbed my head to the beat and stuff.

The band is good. They play all original stuff though, and this means that there weren't any people dancing.

I have the same problem with all live bands, and OTTO is no exception. The music is too damned loud, and it completely drowns out the singing. I'm sure that the lyrics were great and all that, but you just can't hear them. I'd like to see every band in the world cut the instrument volume in half and leave the vocal volume as is. But, last time I checked, I was not in charge of every band in the world, so I'm not exactly holding my breath waiting for this to happen.

When the band got down to just a couple of songs left, I drove the short distance back to Rich O's.

The vast majority of the strangers and the losers and the Special People had all left.

Yay!

I sat on the sofa (the throne was occupado) and ordered a half-glass of Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbier Dunkel (75), on tap for the first time in over a year I think.

I'd just gotten settled in, and DooRagGirl came in.

Yay!

I gave her some shit for being such a stranger lately and then we just talked about various crap with the three strangers sitting in the living room area with us. Once the strangers left I moved to the throne.

At one point, DooRagGirl asked me how I was doing and I said that I was "about the same." So she said something like, "Oh, pretty bad then."

This was a bit of a shock to me because I realized that I'm not "pretty bad" anymore. Since this wall went up I'm actually doing pretty well. Better than I should be doing certainly.

Once DooRagGirl left I drove back down to The Main Menu, but ImprobablyHotGirl wasn't there anymore, so I came home.

I forgot about this until just now.

My friend MusicalHippieDude's band is going to be featured on our local Fox in the Morning TV show later this Summer.

That's pretty damn cool.

They'll also be playing at a bar close to Rich O's this weekend, so I'm sure I'll be there nodding my head to the beat like the lameass that I am.

If you watch Lost and if you've watched this week's episode, then I wonder if you're as freaked out as I am right now.

After I left Morgan Street, it was time to hit the Cardinal's new park for the game.

It was fun. I always like going to games. Of course the Cards lost, but I guess technically I'm supposed to be more of a Reds fan anyway. I didn't tell anyone that though. I even bought a Cardinals cap.

Anyway, I took some pictures.

The new park is a pretty confusing place. Parts of it are like a maze. I think it might be my least favorite of the new parks I've been to as far as getting around goes, but it's got a lot more character than the new parks in Cincinnati or Chicago, so I like it.

I didn't even watch the guys last week. Mostly because they're guys and therefore largely irrelevant to me, but also because I was busy.

Anyway, I did watch the girls sing tonight, and here's what I thought.

3/7 (Girls)

Paris: She sang a stupid song. She's awesome though. Maybe a little too sweet. (75 points)

Lisa: Some song I never heard before. Good, I guess, but I really think she can do better. (80 points)

Melissa: Hot. I love her voice this week. She also picked a perfect song for her voice. (85 points)

Kinnik: She sucks, so I fast-forwarded through her performance.

Katharine: She seemed a little full of herself this week, and she sang a stupid song. I gave her 10 bonus points for having nice tits that I somehow failed to notice before tonight. (80 points)

Ayla: Wow. I can totally imagine hearing that performance on the radio. Damn good. (85 points)

Mandissa: I fast-forwarded through her performance because I don't like her.

Kellie: Still smoldering hot. Just an average performance but I don't care because I love her so much. (75 points)

After I wrote down my notes I went back and listened to the judges comments. For the most part, the judges are wrong.

I hope.

I keep saying this. I'll say it again. Mandisa and Kinnik need to get the fuck off my TV.

For the most part, this was a boring and safe week for the girls. I think that reality may have set in after seeing two girls get sent home last week.

2/28 (Girls)

Katharine: She sang some song I never heard before and sang the fuck out of it. Wow. Maybe a little too safe? (85 points)

Kinnik: I don't like her. Nope, I don't like her at all. (0 points)

Lisa: Another song I never heard before. She sang a little too quietly - the music and the background vocals drowned her out a little. What I could hear was great though. (80 points)

Melissa: Hot. The song choice was stupid, and the performance was painful to listen to. (50 points)

Heather: Looked hot. This week, her voice matched her face. A flawless but safe performance. (80 points)

Brenna: She kept forgetting what key she was supposed to be singing in. Some keys were good, but most weren't. (45 points)

Paris: She started with this artificially low voice that I don't like, then she kept reverting back to it for random syllables. I can't believe I didn't like her tonight. (65 points)

Ayla: She's got that Disney vibe again. A little shaky in parts. (70 points)

Kellie: Still smoldering hot, but the performance seemed shaky and/or uninspired. I gave 5 bonus points for being so damn cute. (75 points)

Mandisa: She started out a quarter-note behind the music, but once she caught up she did pretty well. A perfect song for her. (80 points)

Even though Mandisa did much better this week, I still stand by the elimination choices I made last week. I think that Mandisa and Kinnik need to get off my TV.

Every season, for the past couple at least, I do this. Usually, after a few weeks, I get sick of the voters being so stupid and I stop watching. There'll never be another Kelly anyway.

Anyway, since I don't plan to sleep until probably Sunday, I went ahead and watched the Tuesday and Wednesday performances.

These are the notes I took while watching. I take these notes before listening to the judges comments. The scores I assign are completely arbitrary.

2/21 (Girls)

Mandisa: Stupid name. A blah, boring performance except when she missed notes, then she sucked. (60 points)

Kellie: Smoldering hot. She lost track of what key she was singing in a few times. I really like her voice though. (70 points)

Becky: Yummy. She mumbled her way through the song, and she seemed to use at least three different singing voices, and she missed some notes. I still liked her though, and I don't think it's only because she's so cute. (70 points)

Ayla: I thought she did a very good job, but I couldn't shake the Disney soundtrack vibe I got from her performance. (80 points)

Paris: She's just an adorable little thing, and a wonderful talent. She doesn't need this show. (95 points)

Stevie: Hot, and she knows it. She says the word opera too often. She seems a little full of herself. I like her voice - it's nice and pure. Pretty good. (75 points)

Brenna: Quite cute. I hate the song she sang, and her singing didn't make up for it. Not at all. She's funny and charming though. (60 points)

Heather: Quite hot. Weird, her voice doesn't match her appearance. Beyond that, nothing remarkable. (65 points)

Melissa: Wow, another hot girl. I love her speaking voice, and she carried that into her singing. She did mumble a lot though. I like her. (75 points)

Lisa: One of my favorites all along. She's another Tamyra Gray. Wow. (85 points)

Kinnik: Stupid name, stupid song choice, boring performance. (65 points)

Katharine: Hot. She looked like she was having a seizure while singing. She sang the shit out of the song though. (85 points)

If I were America, I'd eliminate Mandisa and Kinnik this week. Unfortunately for me, I'm not America, so I expect one or both of them to stay in while someone more deserving gets eliminated. Probably Heather and Ayla if I had to guess.

And, for the more important question - if all of the hot girls came to me and offered themselves to me sexually, and I had to pick just one, who would it be?

Kellie, without a doubt. She's marryin' material.

2/22 (Guys)

The guys are never as good as the girls on this show, and I don't think this season will prove me wrong.

Patrick: Great song. It's tough going first I bet. Good but not great performance. (70 points)

David: Cool name. A one-trick pony. This asshole will probably stay week after week while more talented singers get eliminated. I hate him already.

Bucky: Bucky? Are you fucking kidding me with that name? Great song, and he sang it very well. He's got a very unique voice. (80 points)

Will: Stupid song. This guy is probably good in his high school plays. (65 points)

Jose: The falsetto was a surprise, and not a particularly good one for me. This guy can do better than this. (70 points)

Chris: He looks familiar to me. He's one of my favorites. He sang a great song, and had a great but forgettable performance. He could go a long way in this competition. (85 points)

Kevin: The question with this guy is - Does he sing well enough to make up for being such a nerd? And the answer is no. A good song choice and a good performance. (75 points)

Gedeon: He spells his own name wrong, and he talks like a preacher. He sang well though. This was the first time I've liked him. (80 points)

Elliott: He seemed very nervous, and he picked a shitty song. A boring and forgettable performance. I do like his voice though. (65 points)

Bobby: Stupid song. This guy should be singing at weddings, not on my TV, and certainly not on my radio. (60 points)

Ace: Probably a finalist because the chicks like him. It helps that he sings very well. Second best of the night. (86 points)

Taylor: Great song. This guy is a great singer, even if he does seems a little cheesy at times. Best of the night, but just barely. (87 points)

The problem with making predictions for the guys is that it's all teenage girls doing the voting. I'd like to see David and Kevin go home, but because teenage girls are, well, teenage girls, I expect it to be somebody with more talent that leaves. Maybe Bobby and/or Gedeon.

Tonight, in honor of the return of the show 24 to my TV, I had myself an Alaskan Smoked Porter (330) while I watched the season premiere.

This show and this beer don't really have anything in common, except that they're each one of my favorite things in the world.

I can't believe that David Palmer and Michelle are dead.

I wish, I'd like to be, at least a zillionth as cool as Kiefer Sutherland. Then maybe I wouldn't have to resort to evilness to lure in the ladies.

But anyway.

The other night I wrote this as part of a night of drunken rambling:

I'm at such a fucking pivotal point right now. In my life, in my work, in my journal. In everything. I sometimes think I could toss it all away and start fresh, but then I remember that it'd still be the same old me, so why bother?

And it's not just external. This 40-year-old shell of a man that I inhabit, I know that there's more I could do with it than eat, sleep, work, drink, occasionally fuck, and write random journal entries.

But what would I do?

But where would I go?

I've asked myself those two questions so many times that it's become almost reflexive to me.

Sometimes, every now and then, I even manage to come up with an answer. Not a particularly good answer, but an answer nonetheless.

Anything but this.

Anywhere but here.

Tonight - I say tonight but this really goes much deeper than that - tonight I realized that I've been asking myself the wrong questions.

It's not "Where?" and it's not "What?" that I should be asking myself.

It's "Who?"

You see, I've become very much afraid that I'm not going to be truly happy as long as I'm alone. And, and this is the kicker, I'm very much afraid that I'm going to be alone for a very very very long time. Maybe even forever.

I never thought that this bothered me before. I thought that I was happy before. I was my own man, living my own life and making my own decisions. But lately, lately that little nagging voice inside me has been getting louder and louder. I can't help but hear it now. It's only a matter of time before I start listening to it.

But Dave, what good is a life if there's nobody to share it with?

Maybe it's always been this way. Maybe I mistook contentedness for happiness for so long that they became interchangeable in my mind. Everything was fine with me. Not great, but still good.

And then I met her and everything went to shit. Like a magician's mirrors, all of my illusions shattered. I was forced to look at the cold hard truth of what I was.

Not just alone, but lonely.

I sit here tonight, January 15th, 2006, and I look into the future. I don't particularly like what I see.

Actually, I fucking hate what I see.

Bridges burn all around me, and I either don't notice or I don't care or I don't understand what's happening until it's too late.

Great, now I'm in a bad mood.

Just fucking great.

I watched tonight's episode of Joey - SPOILER WARNING - and at the end, I got a little disgusted by that Alex girl making out with that one dude when she had feelings for Joey.

What a slut! I thought, to be so easily distracted.

I was also pretty disappointed that Joey, upon seeing Alex and the dude, decided not to knock on that door.

What an idiot! I thought, to be so quickly dissuaded.

Man, what an asshole I am. I guess if I keep busy judging others I won't have to spend any more time judging myself.

Well, the hot blondes didn't win The Amazing Race, despite my fervent rooting.

This certainly puts a damper on my plan, which consisted of:

1. Hot blondes win The Amazing Race.


2. Hot blondes use their winnings to purchase me as their sex slave.

1. Stephanie wins Survivor.


2. Stephanie uses her winnings to purchase me as her sex slave.

What a difference a day makes.

To be fair, this was a long ass day, so its difference making potential was greater than most to begin with.

To start, I got to meet Dave Barry. I got a free copy of his latest book, and he signed it for me. He did this because I came to this same conference last year. Therefore I'm special. Like you didn't already know that.

Dave Barry also had a speaking session, which was a very welcome respite from all of the technical information making up the rest of the week. I wish I was funny like him.

Anyway, after the day's boring sessions, I grabbed a cab and went down to New York New York. I had 7:30 tickets to see Zumanity.

After I picked up my ticket I still had a couple of hours to kill. So guess what I did.

Go ahead, guess.

If you guessed that I ate dinner and drank some beer, then you guessed correctly. If you guessed anything else, then you probably thought you were reading somebody else's journal.

I went to the ESPN Zone and had a burger and fries. With this delicious meal, I had one of their large mugs of Fat Tire (85). After that was gone, I talked with PictureGirl on the phone for a bit and sent some text messages off to some friends. I also had a Guinness (990).

The show itself, well it was different. The audience interaction was very funny. I even got to be a small part of it. It's a pretty sexual show. So much so that even the stunts and acrobatics managed to get a little bit lost in the sexual undertones. I liked it, but next time I go I'm taking a date.

After the show, I went over to Nine Fine Irishmen and paid $6.57 for a Smithwick's (636). That's a ridiculous price, even for Las Vegas, so I didn't stay. I went back to The Rio and had a couple pints of Rogue Chocolate Stout (180) which were yummy and reasonably priced.

PictureGirl was working, but she was busy. She'd made it clear last night that I needed to respect her work and not start any trouble or rumors or anything, so I just said "Hi" and that was about it. She's supposed to call me when she gets off work. We'll see.

Last night I took PictureGirl to The Freakin' Frog. Actually she took me, because she drove, but I paid, so whatever.

Back in May, the first time I went to this bar, my plan had been to only drink beers that were new to me. That plan was immediately ruined by the fact that they had Alaskan Smoked Porter on tap.

Last night, my plan was, once again, to only drink new beers. Last night, that plan was ruined by their having Alaskan Amber on tap.

Not that I'm complaining. I haven't had draft Alaskan Amber in two years, since the last time I was in Seattle. I managed to limit myself to just the one glass (2044).

I had to ask for a thawed glass. The bartender tried to argue with me about that. "Most Americans like to drink from chilled glasses," he told me.

"Most Americans can't tell the difference between piss and beer, and they wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this," I responded. So the bartender granted me my point and he provided unchilled glasses for the rest of the evening.

PictureGirl and I grabbed a booth and had some dinner and a lot of that mundane first (and in our case, only) date chat about nothing much. For the most part we just made fun of the other people in the place.

The Freakin' Frog is similar to Rich O's in that most of the women are lesbians. There are beer snobs as well, but this place's beer snobs are all very young and they play chess. They all drink Chimay, and the lesbians all drink PBR or Mickey's.

PictureGirl stuck with Alaskan Amber, and I branched out a little.

Flying Dog Gonzo Imperial Porter (10)

(draft) Looks nice, with good lacing. A fairly intense coffee/licorice flavor that didn't appeal to me very much. The high alcohol is fairly apparent. The second half of the glass tasted better to my numbed taste buds than the first half had.

They had a Galaga video game there. I put a dollar in so we could play. I wanted to see how much I sucked after 30 years. Well the machine stole my dollar, so it wasn't as much fun as I remembered from when I was a kid.

Alaskan Stout (12)

(bottle) A decent head that faded very quickly. Aroma was mainly chocolate, with perhaps some cola as well. Flavor was a mix of coffee, chocolate, and cola, with maybe a touch of juniper. A decent and safe beer from one of my favorite breweries.

I don't know if it's a Las Vegas thing, or just a Freakin' Frog thing, but a lot of people were wearing strange hats. There was one guy wearing a gray flannel gangster cap. Another was wearing a straw hat like the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz might have worn. This one beatnik dude with a disconcertingly pretty girlfriend was wearing some strange knit winter cap but it had a bill on it. PictureGirl and I, we were hatless.

At one point, we found ourselves watching bits of this Underworld movie that they were projecting onto a big screen TV. Then PictureGirl said not to watch it anymore, we could go to her apartment and watch the whole thing.

Check, please!

We only ended up watching about half the movie.

I know, I know, I'm late. I skipped an entire day.

Yesterday was a long day. For some stupid reason I'd bought tickets for the 10:30 PM showing of La Reve. Probably because I'm a dumbass, but possibly because the other showings were sold out. I don't remember.

Anyway, because it was going to be such a long day, I slept in until 9:30 or so. I just hung around The Rio all day long. I played some video poker, and for lunch I went and had a Rogue Chocolate Stout (126) with my chicken tenders.

Then I took a nap for several hours.

This is exciting, isn't it?

Before I went to the show I stopped and had dinner. With my dinner I had a couple more Rogues (158). I traded some text-messages back and forth with VigilanteGirl and RealTrainGirl, then eventually I took a cab over to The Wynn.

That's (obviously) the outside of where they had the show. You're not supposed to take pictures of the inside but I managed to sneak this one before the show started:

This was a pretty cool show. More dancy and less acrobatic than the Cirque Du Soleil shows that I've attended in Las Vegas. Actually, a large part of the show was ruined for me when The Most Beautiful Girl In The History Of The Universe popped out of the water about five feet in front of me and smiled. I spent the rest of the 90-minute show finding and then staring at her whenever I found her.

When The Most Beautiful Girl In The History Of The Universe wasn't visible I watched the other performers. I really like this artsy-fartsy stuff.

After the show I went back to The Rio. I was thinking about grabbing another beer but The Tilted Kilt was already closed so I just played some video poker for a while (I actually tripled my money, too bad I was playing for quarters instead of dollars) and got to bed a little after 2:00.

If Jordan screws that reporter guy I'll never watch that show again.

I'm not feeling very interesting today, even though it was jeans day and three (three!) different girls commented on my weight loss. They, obviously, all want it up the ass.

I haven't written a boring entry about the boring TV I watch lately, and I'll rectify that now.

I've been watching three new Fall shows, and I'm becoming convinced that all of Hollywood is out of ideas. So they steal each others' ideas.

Surface
Something is in the water, and this hot brunette marine biologist tries to find out more while the government tries to keep it covered up. The worst actress in the world plays the mother of a kid in the show.

Threshold
Something appears above the water, and this hot brunette contingency expert leads a government team that tries to keep it covered up. The bad guys are pod people of some kind. The worst actor in the world plays the head of the whole shebang.

Invasion
Something is in the water, and this hot brunette reporter is part of a group that tries to find out more, while the government tries to keep it covered up. The bad guys are pod people of some kind. The second-worst actress in the world plays the hot brunette's husband's ex-wife.

A few more points because I feel like typing some more:

I hate it when movies and television shows resort to the pod people gimmick. They're basically shouting to the world that they have no budget for special effects, so don't expect to see anything cool, ever, unless it's CGI.

The government cover-up gimmick has been played out for decades. At least Threshold gives it a bit of a twist by making the government the good guys.

Surface was supposed to premier earlier than it did, but they postponed it because of Katrina. See, the first episode of Surface featured a hurricane ravaging Florida.

The acting by the black guy on Threshold and the kid's mom on Surface is absolutely atrocious. And I've seen the guy in other things and I don't remember him sucking. It could just be the writing and directing with him I suppose.

Invasion is a Shaun Cassidy production. Yes, that Shaun Cassidy. Weird, huh?

I only really expect one of these shows to last. I hope it's Surface because at least they don't have pod people. Plus that show's hot brunette is slightly hotter that the other shows' hot brunettes.

I didn't watch the final show, but I tivoed it and planned to watch it tonight. Then they went and spoiled it for me on the radio this morning.

For those of you that don't have my 'blog memorized, I just wanted to point out that I wrote this on September 1st.

I got the ordering of the Suzie and Jordis eliminations switched, but otherwise I nailed it.

Yay me!

Okay, I'm going to go ahead and make some predictions regarding the outcome of this show.

These predictions should prove, once and for all, that I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. Especially when it comes to music.

I mean, a half-hour ago I was talking with my sister about INXS (the olden days' version) and I actually found myself disagreeing with her.

I'm the guy that, two months ago, wouldn't have recognized an INXS song or a band member if, as Jack Nicholson so famously said, I were pissing on one. My sister, meanwhile, probably knows all of that old stuff by heart.

Anyway, like I said, I'm going to make some predictions. Here they are:

Suzie: I just can't see INXS picking a woman to sing for them. I'm not really saying that I think that they're a bunch of chauvinistic pigs. Okay, maybe I am saying that a little, but the main reason that I don't think Suzie will win is that she's just not good enough, or possessing of range enough, to carry an entire album or concert appearance.

Jordis: I've already said this, but I really hope hat Jordis doesn't win the thing. I don't think that she will, both because she's a woman, but also because I don't think the INXS members are idiots. They have to realize that any band with Jordis doing the fronting is going to become The Jordis Band and every other member will become irrelevant. I don't think these guys want to become (any more) irrelevant, so I don't think they'll choose Jordis.

Mig: Mig is my sister's pick to win the thing. I guess I can picture it happening, but I'm still a little concerned about Mig's range. He can definitely sing some songs really well, but he can also suck if the song doesn't suit his voice and style.

Marty: I like Marty's singing a little better than Mig's, but I think he's got the same set of problems. If he wins I don't expect INXS keep him past that first album and tour. Marty is the one I'd like to see win.

JD: JD is my prediction for winning this thing. Not not not not because I think he can sing. Also not because I think he's cute, though my female friends seem to think so. Nope, I think he will win because he's the performer most likely to sloppily lap away at the 15-year-old genitalia of the band's rock stardom. I think that's what the band is looking for - someone to kiss their asses and tell them how great they are.

Those are my predictions. We'll find out in a few weeks just how much of a dumbass I am.

I know, I know. I'm two days late with this entry. Blame my TiVo for making it so easy to watch Tuesday's episode whenever I want.

I also didn't take notes, so I've probably got the order all fucked up here.

JD: I hate this guy. (30 points)

Ty: Moved away from the R&B thing he's been doing and now he's doing gospel. I really really like his voice, but he seems to be trying to differentiate himself too much. I don't think he's right for INXS. (60 points)

Marty: Wow. That was fucking awesome. The best I've ever heard anyone sing that song. (100 points)

Jordis: Hate the song, but her performance was just amazing. She's also got one of the prettiest faces, and one of the most beautiful voices, that I've ever run across. (100 points)

Suzie: Hate the song, or at least parts of the song. She did well though. Plus, she's quite hot. (85 points)

Mig: I really don't remember his performance, so it must have been just average. (50 points)

This week the band picked the songs for each performer.

Jordis: Hauntingly good. I hope she loses so the band doesn't become an anchor for her. (90 points)

Jessica: Love the song. Love the voice. Wow, that was fucking awesome. (95 points)

Ty: He just didn't impress me this week. Not at all. (70 points)

Suzie: Decent, if passionless, performance. (80 points)

Marty: Poor Marty, having to sing a Britney Spears song. He did the best he could with it I suppose. (60 points)

Deanna: Tough song. Missed a couple of notes pretty badly. Just decent otherwise. (65 points)

JD: Seemed really constipated. It was a really unsettling performance to watch and listen to. (55 points)

Mig: Good song. The performance fluctuated quite a bit, but everyone else seemed to like it. (75 points)

Our flight to Boston was delayed because they had to replace some part of the plane, and they had to fly the part in from Atlanta. I didn't complain too much because it was a better option than trying to get just one more flight out of the failing part would have been. Some kind of fuel regulator or something equally important sounding. An antiexplodometer perhaps.

So we got to Boston a couple of hours later than we'd planned on. This severely cut down (eliminated) our pre-game sightseeing, but who cared? We were going to Fucking Fenway Park! It was suggested (maybe by me) and agreed upon (definitely by me) that we'd go to Fenway two hours early and check out the surrounding bars before we went into the park.

Driving up to Fenway sent chills down my spine, and I guess I spent much of the rest of the night muttering Fenway. Fucking. Park. Cool.

Our second stop (after a souvenir store) was The Cask 'n Flagon, a sports pubby place with a decent beer selection. The only local beer they carried was Harpoon IPA though, so I opted to have a couple Guinnii (672) instead.

After everybody had lubed up a little we went into the park. Fenway. Fucking. Park. Cool.

A view of The Green Monster from our seats..

The infield from our seats.

The Boston skyline.

We were sitting in that last glass-enclosed luxury box.

I really had to fight the crowd to even get this close to the playing field.

Play ball!

I now officially understand why people will get drunk and naked and run out onto the playing fields at sporting events. I wanted to do it myself. It's Fenway Fucking Park! Cool!

It was a pretty good game. The Bosox won of course. I actually left the game just as the eighth inning started because I wanted (needed) to check out The Boston Beer Works...

Tuesday was actually a pretty interesting night.

There were a couple of reasons for this.

First, we all went to a Chicago White Sox game. I took pictures of their new (to me at least) park.

My company had rented this party deck waaaaaaaaaaay out past center field. Kind of prestigious I suppose, but not much chance of a ball ever being hit there. Especially without Frank Thomas playing.

This ballpark has no good beer at all. I only tried one that I thought sounded a little interesting:

Canoe Honey Wheat Ale (2)

(draft) Lord, why hast thou foresaken me? I thought this was crap. I only drank about two sips and then I threw the rest away. Blech.

The White Sox lost their game, just like the Reds lost their game when I went to see them. I wonder if I'm cursed.

I of course bought myself a Sox cap. I also bought myself a Cubs cap because I was planning to head over to the Wrigley Field area later and didn't want to be murdered for wearing the wrong cap.

As it turned out I didn't make it to Wrigleyville. I instead went to this Piece Brewpub that Roger from Rich O's had recommended to me.

A pretty nice little place, though a little bit too dark for pictures. The pizza smelled fantastic, and I'm kinda kicking myself for not trying any of it.

I did try several of their beers though:

Piece Hoppy Ending (4)

(draft) An otherwise bland vehicle for a bitter hoppy aftertaste. What's the point?

Piece Golden Arm Kolsch (4)

(draft) Very light and citrusy. Tasted like a Bud Light to me. Supposedly an ale but I'm not convinced.

Piece Dysfunctionale (4)

(draft) I've rated this right down the middle in every category. Nothing at all stands out. I don't like the style, so I don't like the beer.

Piece Dark Bier (20)

(draft) Dark Lager, almost black. A light coffee flavor. Fairly thick mouthfeel with some lagery fizz at the end. Not too bad, but not great.

Piece Belgian Three-Way (24)

(draft) Citrusy aroma. Light apple flavor, with maybe a little apricot? No finish at all. Decent, but the apricot turned me off a little.

So I ended up liking the Belgian okay, and I had two glasses.

Then I went back to McCormick and Schmick's to drool over the pretty waitress some more. I had a couple of Guinnii to give me an excuse for being there.

Okay, so last week I never got around to writing anything about the results show. Neal left, and I'm glad. I've actually been right about who should go home three weeks in a row. Yay me!

Tonight started out looking like a pretty boring bunch of performances, but things got interesting later. And not always in a good way.

Jordis: Begging for audience participation always turns me off a little. Sang great though. (80 points)

Suzie: Nothing really wrong, just a little boring. I blame the song. I also took off 5 points for breaking out the harmonica twice and playing a total of like 5 notes. She's still hot though. (75 points)

Jessica: Hot. Part haunting, and part bad Cher impersonation. (80 points)

Mig: Pretty good. The best he's done so far. (85 points)

Brandon: Very distinctive voice that I never noticed before. He mumbled a lot and was very pitchy. (70 points)

Ty: Fucking awesome. Why is this guy not already famous? Is it the goofy hair? (95 points)

Heather: Something very wrong. She says she's been sick, and I can tell. (50 points)

JD: Complete crap. I couldn't listen. He blamed his sister for his poor performance. (minus 846 points)

Deanna: I still don't get it with her, and it seems that the band is finally coming around to my point of view. (40 points)

Daphna: I farted and it sounded better than Daphna's performance. The band guy said she'd murdered the song, and I agree. (minus 42)

Tara: I hate that song. She did okay with it I guess. (60 points)

Marty: Really surprised me. The night's second-best performance. (90 points)

I'd really like to see JD finally stop showing up on my television, but I'm afraid that Daphna will be the one leaving tomorrow. We'll see.

(update Wednesday night: Wow, they kicked both Daphna and Heather off the show. I don't really agree with the Heather thing. It also scares me a little that JD wasn't even in the bottom three. Things like this are why I've been getting so frustrated with American Idol the past two seasons. The sympathy voters have way too much power.)

The entire show paled in comparison to last week's. I think they're giving the performers a list of shitty songs on purpose just to see what they do.

I'll probably just update this entry after the results show instead of making a new entry.

Marty: Exhausting to watch and listen to. (80 points)

Daphna: Just didn't like it very much. Boring I guess. (70 points)

Ty: Sang the shit out of some stupid song I never heard before. (85 points)

Suzie: Another stupid song. I could listen. She's hot though. (70 points)

Mig: A decent Tyler impersonation, but not great. (70 points)

Neal: This is some kind of a joke, right? (40 points)

Heather: Song seemed too slow. She also seemed to have something in her mouth, like a wad of chew or something. (50 points)

JD: Still a dork. (65 points)

Tara: Finally, a good song. Decent job. (80 points)

Deanna: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ (65 points)

Jordis: Great song. Great voice. Fucked up hair. (90 points)

Jessica: Seems quite full of herself. Hot though. Sang well. (85 points)

Brandon: CCR is perfect for him. INXS, maybe not so much. Did an awsome job. (95 points)

I took these notes during the Tuesday night show. Uses the same rating system that my American Idol reports use.

Heather: Much better than her Monday night performance. Pretty damn good in fact. Wow. (95 points)

Marty: Man this guy is fired up! He gets me fired up listening to him! (84 points!)

Daphna: Not as good as she was on Monday, but it was a pretty shitty song she was stuck with. Looked good though. (70 points)

Suzie: Hot. I think she sang too. (75 points)

Brandon: Also sang something. (70 points)

Jordis: She will be a star whether she wins this show or not. My favorite performer. Has her hair done, apparently, by the same guy that did Travolta's in Battlefield Earth. (95 points)

Mig: Stupid name. He just seems like he should be fronting a band. Maybe not this band though. (83 points)

Deanna: I just don't get it with her. (65 points)

Wil: What the fuck was that? Get off my screen you poser! (10 points)

Jessica: Great song. She should have used a sexy voice though. A little too harsh. (65 points)

Tara: Got stuck with The Eagles. Boring. (70 points)

Neal: Still stoned from Monday night. (50 points)

Ty: Damn good. This guy really rocks! (95 points)

JD: Kind of a dork. (65 points)

So I ended up with a three-way tie between Jordis, Heather, and Ty. Jordis and Ty didn't surprise me, but Heather improved a lot. She sounded great. And that Ty guy, while not looking like a rock singer, definitely sings like one. He was born for this kind of music. Jordis just continues to blow me away. I can't believe she's only 22.

Anyway, tonight the three lowest vote getters were Wil, Tara, and Suzie. Suzie really stepped it up and nailed her performance. Tara did a better job with a better song, and Wil continued to ignore the band's advice and continued to sing to the first row of women in the audience only.

Wil was sent home. Yay!

For those of you that missed the Tuesday night show, they're going to replay it Saturday night after Big Brother.

(Refer to the earlier entry for pictures.)

You know, people are going to read this and start to worry about me. There's really no need.

I arrived in Cincinnati a little after 2:00 in the afternoon, and pretty much immediately grabbed a cab to Newport. I certainly could have driven there but I was a little confused by the street layouts.

I had the cab take me to the Hofbrauhaus. Looking at their beer list, I was not particularly fired up, but I did manage to choose two beers, and both were surprisingly good.

Hofbrauhaus Newport Altmunchner Dunkelgold

(draft) Not a thing wrong with this beer. Not a thing noteworthy about it either. A little nutty, a little malty, a little tasty. Not my favorite style, but one of my favorites in this style.

Hofbrauhaus Newport Munich Weizen

(draft) There aren't many hefeweizens that I can say I actually like. This one I like. Sweet and fruity, with none of the citrus that usually ruins this style for me. Yummy.

While I was drinking my beers, and eating my lunch, I talked with the bartender about other places for good beer in the area. One of the places that he said was a "must see" was The Beer Sellar on the river.

I walked the two or three blocks to the place, and it was indeed quite nice. When I first walked in it was hard NOT to notice the huge array of taps. My erection quickly dissipated, however, when I realized that about 2/3 of the draft selection consisted of watery lagers. I ended up having a Young's Double Chocolate Stout, and then I selected the following from the bottled list:

Belhaven St. Andrews Ale

(bottle) Nobody else has said it, so I will. This beer had a greenish tint to it. There, I've said it. Aside from the odd coloring, this was a pretty decent beer. The bar had it listed as a smoked beer, so I was a little disappointed to find an ESB instead, but it was quite decent. Actually reminded me more of a Alt than an ESB.

Okay, so after two beers at the Hofbrauhaus, and two fairly strong beers at the Beer Sellar, I was kind of glad that I hadn't actually driven to Newport. I walked across this purple bridge (very cool to walk across the Ohio river) and back to my hotel to grab my Reds ticket.

Not much to say about the game itself. The Reds suck, and they lost. I was a huge baseball fan when I lived in Seattle, but since I've moved back to Indiana this local club just hasn't fielded a team worth rooting for.

So after the game I walked up to the Rock Bottom brewpub and had a little sampler array.

Rock Bottom English Mild

(draft) Smelled pretty good. The flavor and mouthfeel brought creamy bananas to mind. A pretty strange beer, but decent.

Rock Bottom White Tiger Wheat

(draft) I'm convinced that this is the same wheat beer that Hofbrauhaus is selling. Quite a good beer in a style that I don't normally care for.

Rock Bottom Cincinnati Porter

(draft) No aroma. Very faint coffee flavor. Very fizzy mouthfeel. Not very good.

Rock Bottom Brown Bear Brown

(draft) More malty than sweet, so a little unbalanced. Good head and lacing. Pretty good.

At this point things got a little surreal.

I was walking around downtown Cincinnati, looking for this Nicholson's place that I'd heard about, and I was having no luck at all. This homeless guy - a black man about fifty or so, and carrying a large flowery PURSE, approached me.

The first thing this guy said to me was "I promise I'm not looking to rob you, but I could really use some money. I want to buy myself a beer."

So what I ended up doing was enlisting this guy to help me find this Nicholson's place. I promised him that I'd buy him a beer if he kept to his word and didn't rob me.

So we struck a deal. He'd lead me to beer, and not rob me, and I in turn would buy him a beer.

His name was Leroy, and he was actually a pretty cool guy. He kept saying that he knew where Nicholson's was, but it soon became apparent that he had no clue. He did remember this place called O'Malley's, so that's where we went.

I had myself a Guinness, and I bought Leroy a Bud Light.

It was a little scary. Not because I was hanging out with a street person, but because I'm pretty sure that Leroy was the first black man to set foot in O'Malley's since its founding. We got a lot of pretty strange looks.

Leroy's purse probably didn't help matters either.

The O'Malley's bartender gave me directions to Nicholson's and, after we'd finished our beers, Leroy and I parted company. He said that he was seriously grateful to me for trusting him. I guess that trust between whites and blacks hasn't been that common in Cincinnati lately.

So I walked up to Nicholson's. I had myself a couple pints of Smithwick's then I went back to the hotel and slept.

In the morning I drove home.

I had a good time on this trip. I've got some thoughts in my head as to why. Maybe I'll put those thoughts into words later this weekend.

This guy at work was kind enough to burn every episode of Lost to DVD for me. I know that the official DVD pack of season one is due out in the Fall, but this way I don't have to wait.

The first 15 minutes of the first episode was some of the most intense television I've ever seen. Can't wait to see it, and 24 episodes of Evangeline Lilly in all her beauty, again and again.

Also, the other day on the radio they kept yakking about this show Hit Me Baby One More Time and how it was a hit. I never even heard of the show (haven't watched hardly any television in several weeks) but I was looking through my TiVo's recordings, and it had recorded three episodes for me!

What a cool show! Even though I never heard of several of the performers, I still like it. The bands that I have heard of are there too.

I can't get Greg Kihn's The Breakup Song out of my head. He's right - they don't write 'em like that any more.

Got this in my email today:

Hello, this is Ticketmaster Customer Service with an important alert for your upcoming event. Kelly Clarkson, scheduled at The Louisville Gardens on Wednesday, August 24th, 2005 at 8:00pm, has been cancelled.

Your credit card will automatically be credited the ticket price and convenience charges, and should post to your account within 7 to 10 days. Please note, the $4.35 per order processing fee and any TicketFast or UPS delivery charges are non-refundable.

I don't know why this event was cancelled, but I bet it has something to do with all of the women being pissed at me on Friday.

Went to the TicketMaster site at about 9:50 and started hitting refresh, waiting somewhat impatiently for Kelly Clarkson tickets to go on sale.

10:00 passed...

10:01 passed...

10:02 passed...

Finally, at 10:03 it let me buy tickets.

Sort of.

The first seats it offered me were third row, on the floor, just to the left of center-stage. I quickly clicked through the screens to buy the tickets and...

Got a fucking error!

We're sorry for for inconvenience. Please try your order again later.

Okay, so I went back to the beginning and, after several attempts, the best seats I could find are in section 6, off the floor, back quite a bit from the stage.

Not exactly the nosebleed section, but nowhere near as good as the first seats would have been.

Didn't get the error message this time around so I have fucking Kelly Clarkson tickets!!!

Yay!

I read today in LEO that Kelly Clarkson is coming to Louisville!

VigilanteGirl and I are soooo going! I was actually surprised to find that she's a Kelly fan, but I'm sure she was more surprised to hear about how much I love Kelly. I think she had me pegged as more of a Bing Crosby or Frank Sinatra fan.

Of course, tickets don't go on sale until Saturday, so I really need to be on the ball to make sure I buy two tickets at 10:00 AM before they sell out.

Also, the concert itself isn't until August 24th, and all sorts of things could happen between now and then, but for now I'm as excited as shit!

Does shit really get excited?

Looks like my last Las Vegas entry with any substance was Tuesday evening, so I'll try to pick things up there.

Went to the MGM Grand to see this new KA show. This was my third Cirque du Soleil show, and I guess I have to say that it's my least favorite. With the exception of this one dude running around on the outside of a spinning hamster wheel thing there just weren't a lot of the stunts and acrobatics I was expecting. I'd have to say that the real star of KA was the set. The most amazing piece of machinery I've ever seen.

Once the show was over I turned my cell phone back on and found out that I'd had a call from Awesome Larry. Larry is a friend from my old Omaha days, and I'd been hoping that he was in Vegas for the BCA tournament.

Well because of a big misunderstanding - there's a Monte Carlo casino on the strip and a Monte Carlo tower in the Riviera - I didn't meet up with Larry until Thursday.

The last part of the night I spent at the ESPN Zone drinking a couple of their 24oz. mugs full of Newcastle.

Purchased some tickets to a couple of shows to see next month in Las Vegas.

On Tuesday I'll be seeing that new Ka show at the MGM Grand. I've heard that it was pretty cool.

I also wanted to see O at the Bellagio again, but there are no decent seats available. Next I tried to see Mystere at Treasure Island again, but there are no seats, period, for that one.

So I'm going to see Zumanity at the New York New York. It really seems like more of a couple's show, but I've heard that it was pretty good.

There are some shows that I'd like to see that aren't so artsy-fartsy. Maybe a comedian, maybe a magician. I'll just see how that turns out once I get there.

I don't think it would have been that bad.

I mean, I knew it was a bad idea, but it wouldn't have been the end of the world or anything. I wouldn't have said anything that hadn't already been implied (or at least inferred) a zillion times.

I knew it was a bad idea though. Kind of like breaking a taboo. There are some things that you just don't do. No matter how strong, or how persistent, the urge is.

So last night, sitting at Rich O's enjoying my two pints of Noble Smoker, I kept reaching for my phone. I'd take a drink from my beer, take a drag from my cigarette, and reach for my phone. Then sanity would kick in for a second and I'd jerk my hand away from the cursed thing.

This cycle repeated for the entire two hours I was there.

It would have crossed a line, and I've crossed way too many of those already. This one I need to honor. I know this, but as my brain becomes soddened my heart becomes bolder, and I think we all know that my heart cares little for right, or for propriety, or even for common sense.

So here's what I did: I gave my phone to CoffeeDude and asked him to hold on to it until this morning.

Most weekends it's just something I notice and laugh off. This pressure. Last night I found myself doubting my ability to resist the urge to use that phone.

It was a pretty uneasy feeling. Most of the time I'm possessed of fairly strong willpower (except for the smoking thing) but lately it's been tougher and tougher to keep myself reeled in. Last night, I was afraid that the line would break.

Last night, I found that I didn't trust myself to do the right thing. Or to not do the wrong thing. Whatever.

After I'd entrusted my phone to CoffeeDude, I went over to another bar. A friend from Rich O's is in a band, and they were playing a gig at this place just around the corner.

I had a good time. The place had Newcastle on tap, and that was a pleasant surprise. Of course I could only have one as I'd already had two pints of the 7.5% Noble Smoker.

Came home a little after 1:00 and dreamed of what might have happened if I'd hung onto my phone.

Today I watched Rock Star and then School of Rock.

Now I'm in the mood for some Rock and Roll!

Probably won't find it at Rich O's though.

Today I went down to our local Caesar's, ostensibly to have a pint of Newcastle, but I knew I'd also do at least a little gambling.

Well I did have my Newcastle, and I also did quite a lot of people watching while I was at it. There are some real freaks in Southern Indiana, and I'm grateful that I'm not one of them.

I'm not, right?

After my beer I went into the casino and, after much searching, finally found a blackjack table with an empty seat. I got $100 worth of chips, vowing that once that was gone I'd be done for the day.

I then proceeded to win forty of the next fifty hands I played. At $10 per hand, and with some blackjacks thrown in, I more than quadrupled my money in about an hour.

I like blackjack, and I certainly like winning, but it can be a very hectic and confusing game sometimes. Yes, I'll admit it. I get confused when I have a 12 or a 13 showing and the dealer's showing crap. I also get confused with an ace sometimes.

So anyway, despite my winning, I was becoming a little overwhelmed with all of the nonstop decisions that had to be made, so I picked up my chips and went to another favorite game - pai gow poker.

It's a relaxing game that usually only requires one or two decisions per minute. There are also a lot more pushes than there are in blackjack, so even if I don't win a hand I have a 66% chance of at least not losing anything.

After about an hour of pai gow poker, the place started getting even more crowded, so I cashed in.

I left with my original $100, plus $513 of the casino's money that I will use to help finance my upcoming trip to Maine.

What was really cool about winning some money, aside of course from it being money was that it was the first time I'd won at our local Caesar's in several years. I normally have pretty good luck in Las Vegas, but the local casino has not been friendly to me since 2001 when I pretty much lived off my winnings for two months.

Oh, yeah. I saw a couple of my sister Dina's friends while I was there. I waved at them and the girl just sheepishly waved back. She had no clue who I was at first, but after a while they came over to my pai gow table and said hello.

First, I want to say that I generally fast-forward through the judges comments, then make my notes. Once I've written my own opinions I go back and see what the judges thought.

Having said that, I did not agree with the judges on a few performances tonight.

Amanda: Hot. Too damn perky though. Sang a stupid song. (60 points)

Janay: The perfect song for her voice. I really liked it. (80 points)

Carrie: Yay Pisces! Cute tonight. She sang quite well but now I'm wondering if she can sing anything that's not country. (80 points)

Vonzell: There's that stupid name again. Sang one of my least favorite songs but did a good job. Best I've heard from her yet. (80 points)

Nadia: Great performance, pretty good singing. I can't believe that she's actually growing on me. (75 points)

Lindsey: Sexy as hell. I found it hard to stay objective. She mesmerized me tonight. (85 points)

Mikalah: Sang with her "nose voice" and I think she's got a cold. Pretty lousy performance. (55 points)

Jessica: She just irritated me tonight, but I guess it could have just been residual irritation left over from Mikalah's honking. (65 points)

I still think it's time for Janay to leave, and I wish Vonzell would take her stupid name and go as well.

Got to Rich O's fairly late last night, and was able to grab a seat on the loveseat pretty much right away.

I talked with TallLady while I had a bottle of t Ij Ijnde Jaars (yes, that seems to be the actual name), a beer recently recommended by Roger in his 'blog. I liked it a lot. Here's my review:

t Ij Ijnde Jaars

(bottle) Reminded me of a winter seasonal. Lots of fruit that I cannot quite define (cranberries? plums?). Thick and strong, yet refreshing at the same time. I really wish I could drink more than one.

After a while TallLady and I moved to the island to talk with CoffeeDude and I had one of these:

Avery New World Porter.

(draft) A fairly mild porter that smelled and tasted of baker's chocolate. No bitterness or coffee taste that I could detect, and I think that's a good thing.

Also, I was talking about how impressed I was that these two girls in the living room area had managed to drink an entire bottle of mead between them, and the bartender, cleaning up their mess, found a second empty bottle! An entire bottle of mead for each of those girls goes beyond impressive and ends up somewhere near insane.

Once I left Rich O's I went to where my uncle and cousin are doing karaoke again. At least they're doing it on Fridays until business picks up more.

A pretty tame night.

It looks like I won't be reviewing the men-only performances because the lack of boobage keeps me from even watching.

Anyway, here's what I thought of tonight's ladies.

Aloha: Stupid stupid name. Took off 10 points for the stupid name, and another 5 for the stupid flower. Sang okay though. (50 points)

Lindsey: Hot as hell. Sang some stupid rockabilly country song. She should sing songs that play up her hotness rather then detract from it. (70 points)

Jessica: Hauntingly good peformance. Wow. (85 points)

Mikalah: I would have loved this performance more in the 1940s. Pretty good though. (80 points)

Celena: OMG OMG OMG She's hot. Did a mediocre performance of a boring song. (70 points)

Nadia: About a zillionth as pretty and talented as she seems to think. Was going to score 60 but took off extra points for those horrible final 10 seconds. (55 points)

Amanda: Spankably hot. Pretty good performance. (76 points)

Jamay: I still really like her voice. Not as nervous this week but still seemed forced. (68 points)

Carrie: Hot. Sounded just like last week. Good but Common. (72 points)

Vonzell: I hate that artifically low voice some of the women do because they think it's sexy. Also took off 10 penalty points for having a stupid name. (59 points)

Overall, I suppose that Carrie has been the most consistent, but I think she's actually been a little too consistent. The performances just blend together.

It's time for Aloha and either Janay or Vonzell to leave my TV now.

Man, that Celena is hot.

Don't know if I'll keep this up for as long as I did last season, but here's my American Idol Report for tonight's show. I didn't even bother to watch the men perform last night.

Vonzell: What a stupid name. She sang the song Heat Wave that Kim Locke tried to kill in another season and did pretty well with it. (70 points)

Amanda: Hot. Singing seemed a little common but would like to hear more. (75 points)

Janay: Loved her voice though she seemed really nervous. Deserves another chance. (80 points)

Carrie: Hot. I actually got a little bored. I've heard women sing Country like that a million times. (72 points)

Sarah: Hot. No girl, especially no white girl, should ever attempt that song. (65 points)

Melinda: Picked a stupid song and then sang it artifically low. Randy proved himself an idiot by comparing her to Kelly Clarkson. She's not fit to do Kelly's laundry. (45 points)

Nadia: Sideshow Barbie. Just seemed a little full of herself, and sang a song I never heard before in my life. (71 points)

Celena: Smoking Hot. I want to do unspeakable things to her. I'm pretty sure she sang too. (74 points)

Mikalah: I swear she was using some kind of a fake cartoon voice. (60 points)

Lindsey: Hot. She absolutely hypnotized me. (80 points)

Jessica: Phil Collins she's not. She seemed to be holding back a lot. Deserves another chance. (60 points)

Aloha: Another stupid name. See The Delusional in my January 9 entry on karaoke observations for what I thought of Aloha. (40 points)

Went to see the play Seussical at the high school last night. My niece was in it, and my nephew made a couple of appearances as a stagehand.

I enjoyed the play, especially the performance of one of my niece's friends as a yellow bird. There were two things that struck me as unusual though.

I realized about halfway through the thing that, as good as it was, it would probably be unbelievable if I were stoned - and that's a thought I haven't had in over two decades.

Near the end, when the Whos are trying to be heard, one of the characters takes a deep breath and shouts

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

I was positive that this kid was going to say fuck but the applause over how long he held the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu made it impossible to hear how he finished.

After the play, I went to Rich O's and met up with my sister's friend SpoonsGirl and her imaginary friend HotBlonde. I had a Corsendonk Christmas Ale, a Rogue Dead Guy, and a Hitachino Red Rice Ale. Rich O's wasn't as crowded as Fridays have been lately, but of course I did arrive later than usual.

SpoonsGirl wanted to steal a mead cup then, when I told her I wouldn't allow it, she grudgingly offered to buy a mead cup, but they didn't have any for sale. I promised SpoonsGirl to remind someone to order an extra one sometime so she could buy it.

A little bit different tonight.

Rich O's was my second stop. My first stop will remain private.

Anyway, at Rich O's I had an NABC Tunnel Vision, a Hitachino ricey beer (can't remember the name, but I find it oddly appealing) and finally a Gulden Draak.

Rich O's was moderately crowded but I was able to grab a seat at the bar before my second beer.

One of my friends is in a band, and they were playing a gig at this dive down by the river so I went there. MisunderstoodGirl and OddlyPrettyGirl came in a little after I did and joined me.

One of my friends being all dainty and ladylike and shit.

My friend Tim rockin' away.

While there, I tried my very first Blue Moon Belgian Ale. I actually liked it a lot, but my taste buds were a little overworked from my earlier beers so I'll hold off on doing an official review until another day.

I'm home fairly early because the place where I've been going to listen to karaoke was mysteriously closed.

So I've mentioned before that my Uncle Wayne has a karaoke business. I've gotten into the occasional habit of going to the little bar/restaraunt where he's working just to listen to the performers.

I will not be performing myself. No thanks.

What I've noticed is that all karaoke performers fall into one of these categories:

Went to a little project completion party at Louisville's new Lucky Strike Lanes today.

We bowled three games.

It didn't suck as much as I'd expected. There were several people from HR and PR that I didn't know - and couple that I kinda wish I did know.

I actually won the first game with a pretty shitty score, and I think I might have tied for second in the second game.

Oh yeah, the place had Smithwick's on tap. That was a pleasant surprise so I had three of them.

a-dor-a-ble
adj.
1. Delightful, lovable, and charming.

a-bra-sive
adj.
1. Harsh and rough in manner.

cor-nu-co-pi-a
n.
1. An overflowing store; an abundance.

Just to get the beer report over with, I had a Delerium Tremens, which I really like, and followed that up with a couple pints of Guinness. All were good.

I also sampled a little of CoffeeDude's Anchor Porter. I liked it enough to resolve to have a full pint next weekend if Rich O's still has it.

Rich O's tonight was the site of, apparently, a meeting of Southern Indiana Girls that are Hot (S.I.G.H.). This is otherwise known as a bachelorette party. Never before have so many nubile young cuties gathered at Rich O's.

Once they had all left Rich O's became boring, so I went and talked VigilanteGirl into going to a bar where my uncle and my cousin were doing karaoke.

VigilanteGirl is adorable, and it was quite nice to have some time to talk with her away from her work distractions.

I guess that's about it. When I'm in a good mood it's harder to think of things to write about.

Oh yeah, I did tell VigilanteGirl about the tracing and about the jealousy and about LaptopGirl. These were things she needed to hear from me before she read in my 'blog.

I've been trying to plan out my Las Vegas trip and I just can't make up my mind what to do.

I'm torn between just going to see O and/or Mystere again or seeing some completely new shows.

Wow, this was sure an exciting entry.

I'd better pace myself or I'll have nothing left for the weekend.

Saturday I went to a Halloween party at the FirstCouple's house.

My costume? Well I originally planned to go as HipYoungDude from my last Las Vegas trip. I put on the world's loudest shirt and swimtrunks. I put on my sandals and my snazzy shades. I mussed my hair up extra well and let it dry. I looked at myself in the mirror.

It's a funny thing about HipYoungDude - when you take him out of a Las Vegas Summer and plop him into a Southern Indiana Fall he magically transforms into: BeachDork. So my costume was BeachDork and I think I fit that part pretty well.

On the way to the party I stopped to show my outfit to VigilanteGirl. I told her that she should come to the party in a bikini so we could be a somewhat-matched set, but she had to work late. I suppose that's for the best as there were some old (older than me even) people at the party and VigilanteGirl in a bikini would probably have stopped some hearts.

As I expected, I didn't really know many people at the party. I went because I like the FirstCouple and a few of the other people from their circle, but for the most part I didn't know anyone.

To drink I had some Jack's Hard Colas.

It was a pretty tame and relaxing night, soured only by my own inner turmoil. I'd left my cell phone upstairs because when I clipped it to my trunks my trunks kept threatening to come off, so I kept having to run up to see if I'd missed any calls.

I hadn't.

First off I need to catch up on what happened Thursday and Friday.

Thursday I broke one of my new resolutions and did something stupid for a stupid reason.

How do you suppose that worked out?

Not very well, that's how.

Friday when I got to Rich O's all of the regulars I know were crowded into the living room section. There was clearly no room for me so I ended up at the bar.

At one point I realized a couple of things:

1. Some seats had opened up near my friends.
2. None of them had even bothered to invite me over.

Now I know I've been a little moody lately, but c'mon. I suppose this should tell me something but I'll probably continue to play dumb.

Tonight (Saturday) I went bowling, of all things, with my sister Dina's family.

This was the first time I'd been in several years and the rust was quite evident. I bowled two games, each of which saw a score that was barely half my old average. I think my 9-year-old nephew beat me the first game.

Back to Rich O's to drown my sorrows, I had a Three Floyd's Pride & Joy English mild ale.

I liked it. It could have used a little more malt to balance it out but I'll definitely have it again.

There are too many damn shows that I watch on Tuesdays.

I need more TiVos.

Tonight I find myself trying to watch seven different shows between 8:00 and 11:00.

Last Comic Standing (Finale) 8:00 - 10:00

Extreme Home Makeover 8:00 - 9:00

Big Brother 5 9:00 - 10:00

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy 10:00 - 11:00

Thing I Hate About You 11:00 - 12:00

Joe Schmo (Finale) 9:00 - 11:00

The Amazing Race 10:00 - 11:00

I've ended up skipping the last half-hour of Last Comic Standing, and I'll Tivo Queer Eye during its 1:00 AM showing.

Man, I have a pretty exciting life don't I?

im-pro-pri-e-ty
n.
1. An act of undue intimacy.

un-fit-ting
adj.
1. Not in keeping with what is correct or proper.

pa-thet-ic
adj.
1. Arousing or capable of arousing sympathetic sadness and compassion.
2. Arousing or capable of arousing scornful pity.

Wow what a rambling mess that last entry was.

I just had a couple more thoughts that I thought were worth recording.

LaptopGirl, normally a very outgoing and friendly person, suddenly became quite shy when it came time to ask Screech a question about his old show. It was really quite cute when she said that "we" (she motioned to BigWheelGirl and me) had a question "we'd" been dying to ask.

Also, there was a guy in the back of the room that was some kind of lameass heckler. I'm pretty sure this guy has been at the Comedy Caravan every time I've ever been there. I think he must be on staff and they pay him to heckle the performers.

Also, I really don't like it when comedians use politics or other controversial subjects to get cheap applause or boos. I like it even less when people in the audience reflexively react to these obvious ploys.

This is not the WWE where everyone has to be a heel or a face to be successful. Just tell some damn jokes. Entertainers using their position in the spotlight to push their own agendas make me sick.

Also, and this may have just been because I was sitting in the back seat of a fairly large vehicle, BigWheelGirl's driving really made me nervous. I kept wishing she'd just pick a lane and stay inside it.

Finally, LaptopGirl got a call that was a wrong number or something that evolved into a 15-minute conversation during which I don't think she quite told the stranger on the phone her address or Social Security number.

It was a fun night. A little strange to be out without drinking though.

Add awkward ending here.

LaptopGirl asked me a couple of hours ago, "What are you going to write about tonight, Dave?"

I sit here now completely unable to answer that question.

Total writers-block.

Not that I'm a real writer or anything.

Well maybe I'll just start rambling and it will all make sense.

Or maybe not.

Tonight we went to a comedy club to see the guy that played Screech on TV years ago.

When I say "we" I mean LaptopGirl and I, but this was not a date. LaptopGirl's friend BigWheelGirl came as well, probably to make sure I didn't get any ideas.

It was kind of fun to watch them interact - I usually only get to see LaptopGirl interacting with regulars at the bar.

So anyway, this was the first time I'd gone to the club in a long time. Several years ago it seemed like I went fairly often with family and friends but that all stopped for various reasons.

There were three performers, and all were pretty funny. The second guy did a Barney Fife impression that was hilarious.

The people sitting at the table in front of us were assholes - talking to each other during the entire show. Why do people pay money to see a show then completely ignore it?

Because that's what assholes do.

LaptopGirl seemed quite determined to get one of the comedians to go to Rich O's, but I think they all thought she was a little too SwimFanish or something and they kind of blew her off.

I didn't drink anything but Diet Coke all night - my hangover was still enough of a presence that even the whiff of beer I got at Rich O's waiting for LaptopGirl to arrive made me ill.

I had fun though.

There.

I guess now the question of what I'll write about tonight has been answered.

And the answer is:

Nothing much.

su-per-flu-ous
adj.
1. Being beyond what is required or sufficient.
2. Extra, spare.

First of all I cheated.

I went to Rich O's on Wednesday to get a pizza and was delighted to see that they had Smithwick's beer on tap. So I had one while I waited for my food to arrive. I didn't make a Wednesday Beer Report because the one is all I had.

Tonight I went back to have some more, and also to try another Scotch Ale they had on tap whose name I can't remember. Arcadia or something similar.

Anyway, I arrived at Rich O's, ordered a pint of Smithwick's, and sat in the living room area with LaptopGirl, some dude I didn't know, and BossyBitch and her husband.

The Smithwick's is a pretty good beer, though the watery/peaty characteristic I detected in Las Vegas seemed to be pretty elusive tonight.

After my first pint, I ordered a half-pint of the Cicada or whatever. I liked this beer, but I could tell immediately that it had at least twice the alcohol content of anything I felt like drinking.

Now this is the part of the report where I need to be careful what I write.

What followed was not the best night of my life.

LaptopGirl had been talking on and on about some band that I'd never heard of that was putting on a free concert in Louisville. Apparently someone had stood her up and now she was looking for someone to go with. She hinted pretty strongly to several people - none seemed interested - and finally asked the dude I didn't know to go with her. He agreed.

At some point - and I really don't know how this happened - it was decided that I'd go and do the driving. Right after agreeing to this I knew it was a bad idea, but I'd already said yes. I took the other guy aside and told him that I had no interest in being a third wheel and that he should feel free to tell me to butt the hell out. He assured me that there was nothing going on and that I was quite welcome to join them. What a dick.

Again, I have to be careful here. I don't know who reads this thing.

We went to see this band and arrived in time to hear two or three songs. The music I could live without but the bass player was fantastic.

Once the mini-concert was over I thought we'd be heading back to Rich O's.

Wrong.

The next four hours were pretty much the opposite of fun for me. I became invisible yet I couldn't leave because I was their ride. I didn't feel like I had a say in any decision as to what to do next. I was at the mercy of these two people who seemed much more interested in being out (and, dare I say, in each other, though I don't believe that interest was a romantic one) than in whether or not I was having a good time.

All I wanted to do was get back to Rich O's and salvage a normal Friday night, or failing that, to just get home.

After several aborted attempts to do something near the concert site we eventually ended up at some bar in Louisville where LaptopGirl and the guy had a couple of beers and I had one because LaptopGirl was buying and I really wanted to at least pretend like I was enjoying myself.

I spent the entire night feeling like I'd gone on a double-date but my own date had stood me up.

Two things kept the night from being a complete waste for me.

First, earlier at Rich O's BossyBitch had decided to try to lord it over LaptopGirl and they got into a little argument. Going to see the band and then to the bar helped LaptopGirl's mood immensely and I'm always glad to see her smile light up her face.

Second, after the concert we were walking with the crowd and I heard my name called out. My friend Eric and his wife had attended the same show. That was pretty cool - I go someplace I'd never normally go and run into one of my oldest friends.

Eventually my passengers decided that it was indeed time to return to New Albany. Rich O's was of course closed by then so I just came home.

On most occasions when I become invisble I can, and will, simply leave. Tonight I couldn't do that. I had to endure it for hours, and I'm quite sure that my displeasure was readily apparent to LaptopGirl and even to the guy I'd just met.

Hell, at one point I almost started babbling about things that I've managed to leave unsaid for months. Due in large part I'm sure to the overall lack of beer I'd had I was able to shut myself up before everyone got as uncomfortable as I was.

They both made several joking comments about how I would never want to hang out with them again. The unspoken part of those comments was the part where it'd be a cold day in hell before they'd ever invite me again.

Oh yeah, Note To Self: Try to not piss LaptopGirl off. She called the friend that had stood her up and pretty much went ballistic on him.

Another Note To Self: Do not, you dumbass, ever discuss anything remotely political with LaptopGirl again. She's too passionate about her beliefs and you'll end up, once again, being treated like you're the cause of all the world's problems simply because you don't share all those beliefs.

Owah Tagee Kiyam.

Last week I was in Las Vegas for an IT storage conference. I attended the same conference at the same time last year.

During last year's trip I also did something that I thought was so cool I just had to share it.

The problem was that none of my friends or family would think it was cool at all.

They would think I was a geek.

So instead of telling people in person what I'd done I decided to start a weblog, and make my account of that experience the first entry.

Well one thing led to another and that entry never got made. My 'blog didn't get started until the Fall.

I will correct this injustice now, for that cool thing I did last year, I did it again last Thursday.

The cool thing I did was to shell out $29.95 for the main attraction at the Las Vegas Hilton - The Star Trek Experience.

Yes that's right. The Star Trek Experience.

Actually this year they'd added a second experience so I got to see something new as well as relive what I'd done the year before.

There's only one problem. Besides, I mean, the obvious social conclusions one might draw from reading about a person attending anything with "Star Trek" in the title.

Aside from that 900-pound gorilla named "Nerd" that everyone notices but pretends isn't there.

I was bored. What had been to exciting and new a year ago, this year for me at least, revealed itself to be what I should have known all along.

A geek festival.

The simulated motion parts of the attractions were very cool indeed, but they were so wrapped up in cheesy sets and wooden lines that even the actors couldn't take it seriously.

And forget about us tourists. We all seemed, for those 18 minutes or so, to finally understand how the rest of the world views us Star Trek fans.

Just about the way we ourselves view the Buffy fans.

Actually, "The Buffy Experience" sounds intriguing.

Mmmmm, Sarah Michelle Gellar.

But I ramble.

Tonight, continuing my quest to eventually see every big show that Las Vegas has to offer, I went to see "Mystere" at Treasure Island.

Wow. How cool can a show be?

Everyone from the clown to the strength guys to especially the "baby girl" was just awesome.

I have to give a nod to "O" for the best show I saw this week, but that's mainly because of the set. For sheer performances and awesome stunts I have to say the "Mystere" is the best I've ever seen.

Tonight I went to see the Penn & Teller show at the Rio.

I was really looking forward to this show, but I found myself bored to tears.

Part of my boredom was no doubt caused by the stark contrast between the "O" performance I saw last night and this rather tame show, but the main reason I was bored was simply because it was a boring show.

Penn basically told a bunch of stupid jokes, then would continue to ramble on for what seemed like hours, then they would both do a trick.

Repeat five times.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Tonight I went to see "O" at the Bellagio.

The show itself was a bit overwhelming, but when I decided to focus on whatever the current main attraction was I really enjoyed it.

I mean it was really really cool.

The contortionists grossed me out a little though.

Also, one of the zebra girls had such a nice ass that it was distracting me from the rest of the show.

I didn't even watch the show this week.

I decided after last week that I would not watch the show until that redheaded dickweed was voted off.

So I tivoed the Tuesday show, then tonight I checked the Internet to see who was gone.

It was Jennifer.

I'm glad Jennifer is gone - I was never a fan - but for her to leave before John is just inexcusable.

I think I don't care who wins. My favorite, Elizabeth, didn't even make the top 12. Another favorite, Leah, was the first one voted off. I supposed I would be somewhat satisfied with a win by Fantasia, Jasmine, or LaToya, but I'd never buy any album they released.

I guess it's time to start looking forward to season four. That is if John doesn't kill the franchise forever.

Just a quick report, without all the individual critiques because everybody was boring.

JPL: Reminded me of that drunk friend that gets up and sings karaoke and surprises you by being halfway decent.

John: Why is this fucker still on my TV every week? Took a song that his "voice" is perfect for and still messed it up.

One more comment. Filming the commercial with the bathtub scene a week after Camille has left the show is just plain mean.

Okay, so Amy, who I think may have the best voice on the show, has been eliminated. WTF?

I suppose that those people who would normally be her fans have been split - the quirky fans have gone to Fantasia and the redhead fans have gone to Eraserhead.

For LaToya to also be in the bottom three must be a fluke. She did great last night, and I guess her fans figured she was safe and so they threw their votes somewhere else - maybe to Jennifer.

Tonight was Motown night, so there was some of the best music - and some of the worst.

My rankings for the performers:

Camille: I thought this was her best yet, though her voice was a little to quiet and her "dancing" was very distracting - and not in a good way. (60 points)

JPL: The perfect song for him, and the most I've ever enjoyed him. (65 points)

LaToya: I figured she'd shine tonight and she certainly did. I think she may have been born 40 years too late. The best of the night.(85 points)

Amy: I took 20 points off for that horrible song choice, and another 10 points because that last note sounded like she'd stepped on a cat. Her worst (and only bad) performance. (50 points)

John: Sucks. He moved away from his Dean Martin style and proved once and for all that he just cannot sing. (minus 652 points)

Jennifer: The song "Heat Wave" was killed for all of eternity by Kim Locke last season, and Jennifer did little to revive it. (30 points)

Jasmine: I was rooting for Jasmine, and she delivered. I think the background vocals were too loud in this arrangement since they tended to drown out some of Jasmine's softer vocals. In tonight's top 3. (80 points)

Diana: She sings way beyond her years. Her voice was just not that suited for her song choice. She acts like a robot too. (75 points)

Fantasia: I knew she'd sing this song. It was perfect for her and she sang the hell out of it. She was definitely born 40 years too late. The second-best of the night. (84 points)

George: Good song, bad singer. I don't understand why the judges all wet their underwear when George sings. (55 points)

I really hope that John gets the boot, but I'm afraid that his fans will vote for him in mass because they sense that he did poorly. I fear that Camille's fans may give up on her and she'll be the one to leave.

Okay, I understand that Matt may not be the best singer on the show, but he was one of the best last night. For him to be the one to get booted is just stupid.

But even more proof of peoples' stupidity is that he was joined in the bottom three by Camille and Diana while wastes of space like John and George and Jennifer remained safe.

Matt did leave with a lot of class though, and his singing to Simon was one of the funniest things I've seen.

Kimberly Locke's performance I liked a lot. I always knew she could sing. She just can't sing "heat wave" and will hopefully never try again.

Two things I want to point out right away. Simon, the "rude" judge, at least lets the other judges fully complete their comments. Randy and Paula, at the first hint of any negative criticism, immediately start booing with the crowd and arguing with Simon's assesments.

Second, the girl singing in the Coke commercial is possibly good enough to win this competition.

Okay, here we go. My scores for this week's performances:

Diana: I just love that song, and it was the perfect song for her. That last note was awesome. (80 points)

George: He sings well, but that voice! I guess it must sound different in person, because I cannot understand the judges' (especially Paula's) adoration of George's voice. (50 points)

Fantasia: I'd have to say that country is not her style. Even bad she sings pretty well though. She strikes me as someone that thinks she deserves to win, and the competition is simply a formality. If she doesn't win I expect her to call race discrimination. (60 points)

John: Sucks. Maybe he could sing jingles for a living. (20 points)

Camille: Tonight I tried an experiment. I imagined that the "nervousness" in Camille's voice was actually her unique style. Under that light she sounded pretty good. I hate hate hate her song choice, but Camille is the only one that made me look up at the TV during the recaps. (65 points)

Jennifer: When she starts using that artifically low voice of hers it makes me cringe. (30 points)

JPL: When he takes away the goofiness it turns out that he can't sing very well. (40 points)

Jasmine: Her voice seemed weak compared to the backup arrangement. Nice to know she's human though. Even on a bad night she's better than most. (70 points)

Matt: Wow, what a surprise. He did a hell of a good job with a pretty safe song. Unlike JPL, when Matt loses the theatrics he actually CAN sing. One of the best tonight. (80 points)

LaToya: There should be a law that black women cannot sing Garth Brooks songs. Despite the horrible song choice she was, however, technically flawless. (65 points)

Amy: Wow. She has the best voice in other genres. Now it turns out that she has the best country voice as well, plus she's the best country singer. I agree with Paula. She could release a country CD tomorrow and be a star. (85 points)

I really think it's time for John or JPL to go home, but unfortunately I think their fan bases are too large. I expect Jennifer to leave this week, and that's okay.

First off, I want to say that Randy is becoming quite the racist. I think some of his favorites could shit on stage, wipe their ass with the American Flag, and Randy would still be giving them all kinds of praise.

With that said, here are my rankings for tonight, from worst to best:

John S: Sucks. His music teacher was quite hot though. (1 point)

Camille: I really wanted her to do well, but she looked and sounded like she was about to vomit. (40 points)

Matt: He kept doing these weird voice changes, from country to blues and back. I didn't like it. (50 points)

Fantasia: I hate that song, and she was way too gospelly (is that a word?) for my tastes tonight. (55 points)

Leah: Another one that I wanted to do well, but she didn't. I love her singing ballads though and I hope she stays long enough to perform one. (55 points)

John L: Seems like a nice guy, and sings pretty well, but I cannot imagine him on the radio. (60 points)

George: Really forcing his voice to do tricks, but this was the first time I liked him at all. I still don't understand the judges obsession with him. (65 points)

Jennifer: She just sings great. Otherwise there's nothing remarkable. (66 points)

LaToya: Really good performance, but she got overshadowed by some of the later ones. Her voice kept dropping out of hearing range. (70 points)

Diana: Perhaps the second-best singer in the competition, but I worry that her voice may not be that good if she ever sings a slow song. She's also about a zillionth as cute as she seems to think she is. (75 points)

Amy: Took a weak song and made it fantastic with her voice. The best voice in the competition, and one of the best singers overall. Comparisons to Nikki McKibbin and that fat girl from season two should stop now. (80 points)

Jasmine: Just simply awesome. She should win the whole thing. I got goosebumps. (95 points)

As much as I'd like to see John S. get voted off, I'm afraid that Simon may be right this time and Leah will be eliminated. I would be satisfied if any of the guys left, though John L. is the most deserving to stay.

To continue my brief tradition of ranking the night's performances on American Idol, I submit this list:

John: Sucked. 40 points.
Elizabeth: I love Elizabeth, probably because she reminds me of Kelly Clarkson. 70 points.
Katie: Cute. 60 Points.
George: I don't get why people like this guy's artifically low voice. Just barely better than John. 50 points.
Suzy: This girl can sing well. She should get through. 65 points.
Matthew: Easily second best of the night. I can easily imagine this guy's voice on my radio. 80 points.
Leah: Hot and very talented, and will only get better. Best of the night. 90 points.
Jennifer: I really like Jennifer's voice, but tonight's performance left me a little bored. Only 60 points.

Who I want to advance, based on all I've seen, not just tonight's performances:

Elizabeth, Leah, Matthew, and Suzy.

Well they advanced the redheaded dillweed.

Looks like the Claymates are still in force this season, and they've managed to find someone even cheesier than Clay to vote for.

I just want to get my rankings on tonights AI performances down for the record - before I go to the message boards to see how stupid people are.

From best to worst:

Jasmine (had one really horrible note that I'm surprised none of the judges mentioned)

Suzy (second best of the night, and one of only two good performances)

Tiara (stupid name, but sang the song well)

Lisa (was screaming the song, but looked hot)

Heather (butchered the song that killed Tamyra Gray)

The guys (they all sucked - especially George)

I'd like to see Jasmine and Suzy advance, but I could also accept Lisa. As long as that redheaded dillweed doesn't make it I'll be okay)

Looks like I called it. Amy and LaToya made it through.

Not that I could watch it or anything, what with stupid college basketball prempting three of the local stations tonight. I found out who advanced via the Internet.

I'd still really like to see Elizabeth and Leah again. Maybe they'll be in the Wild Card show.

One of my vices is watching American Idol each week. I got hooked by Kelly during the first season and I haven't missed a show since.

At times I take my fandom too far though. I really should stay off the message boards. I usually come up to my computer after each show to see what people thought - to see if they agreed with me.

Usually they don't agree with me.

Usually they're stupid. And usually they're mean about it.

Tonight, for the record, I thought the first three did very well, with Amy and Elizabeth edging out Eric.

I also thought Leah was fantastic. Leah also got hot since I last saw her.

I thought the last girl was suffering from an asthma attack throughout her performance, but all the judges, and the people on the message boards loved her.

I'd like to see Elizabeth get voted though, but I'm afraid that her outfit will cost her a few million votes. People with legs like that should not wear mini-skirts.

I'd also like Leah to advance.

What I think, though, is that the last girl, LaToya, will make it through, and after that probably Amy. I can live with that I guess.

I really like that show "queer eye for the straight guy."

Last night, in fact, I had a choice between catching up on the four hours of "24" that I've had tivoed but never watched, or watching the queer eye marathon that got tivoed last week.

I watched the gay guys, and really enjoyed it. They are hilarious.

I just love Kelly Clarkson. Despite my mocking of her largest fan base in the subject of this entry, I think she's just an unbelievable talent.

I'm 38 years old, and whenever I listen to her sing I find my eyes welling up with tears. That's just not right. One singer, no matter how talented, should not be able to do this to me.

But she does. My appreciation of her grew with each episode of American Idol, and reached its peak when she sang "I Surrender" with a voice that even as strained as it was still just blew me away. Then she followed it up with a performance of "Without You" that, as far as I'm concerned, was the best that song had ever been sung.

My love for Kelly has not lessened one bit since then. Even the horribly vapid movie she did with Sideshow Bob was a blessing because it got Kelly on my TV.

Top three nicknames for Survivor's Rupert:

3. Blackbeard
2. Hagrid
1. Grizzly Adams