posted by dave on Saturday, October 18, 2003 at 10:01 PM in category daily

Tonight my sister Dina, her boyfriend Kenny, my cousin Jeff and I traveled to Henryville to check out the haunted house where my nephew Cory is working.

It's been several years since we went to any Halloween attractions. I don't think we really outgrew them we just lost our patience for the lines. And, in my case at least, for the kids that typically form those lines.

Well there were no lines at this place tonight, mainly because it's in Henryville but also because it's pretty stupid when compared to the higher priced attractions closer to Louisville.

The place is set inside an old farmhouse, but before we got to that part we got to take "the adult path" through some trees. The scariest thing about the trees for me was the fear that I'd trip on a root and sprain my ankle. The aura of doom was not helped by the miniature amusement park these people had set in their front yard.

After leaving the trees we were greeted by Cory who informed us that the place wasn't quite open yet, and that he would be playing a dead guy and that he was supposed to be wearing a tux but they couldn't find it and several people were late for work and blah blah blah you know how kids tend to ramble don't you well if you didn't before you do now after reading this sentence.

We eventually made our way past some portable toilets and a very bored-looking policeman to the house itself. Shortly thereafter we were met by a lovely young girl with impossibly large tits. I think her costume was "Jail Bait" or possibly "Elvira, The Early Years". Anyway, she pretty much cleared up the mystery of why my nephew was working there every weekend until 3am.

Titella gave us a little speech about how if we didn't touch the actors inside they wouldn't touch us. She seemed quite bored and I'm sure her back was giving her trouble.

Inside the house were several rooms and passages, each with its own little scary theme. People jumping out at you and shit like that. For me the scariest moment was about ten feet in where they had this 500 year old woman "sleeping" in front of a piano. I was convinced that Methusula's grandma there was going to shriek and start banging out some tune. Well, she didn't do a damn thing but the fear was still there for me.

The entire house was fairly tame and predictable. There were a couple of highlights though. At the top of the stairs a young lass was tied up and pleading for help. While I was thinking about what a good little actress she was a guy came in and sliced her up with a razor.

A little further along we came upon the scene where Cory lay in all his gory glory. He was indeed, a dead guy, a Dead Groom in fact, and he'd apparently been killed (or it was a really huge coincidence) by The Vampire Bride laying on top of him. Now I knew without a doubt why he was working there. Even with all the vampire makeup on I could tell that this was a little cutie, and Cory's "job" was to lay under her all night. Titella, I knew, would have to get in line behind The Vampire Bride to have a shot at my nephew's affection.

Let's see, there was also an amputation scene where The Nurse waved A Severed Leg around while The Victim did her best to shatter every eardrum in Scott County.

I suppose that's about it, except that there seems to be a rule that Michael Myers is required to harass my sister since the same character did the same "get up close and stare" routine with her five years ago at Nightmare Forest.

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