posted by dave on Monday, July 12, 2004 at 11:37 PM in category ramblings

I've been spending some time trying to decide who to pine away for.

I generally feel most like myself when I'm obsessing over some girl that is (a) completely inappropriate, (b) wholly unavailable, (c) way out of my league, or any combination of the above. Then I also have the standard requirements like attractiveness, intelligence, and personality.

There also has to be an inkling, however slight, that some slight change in circumstances could allow a real relationship. Perhaps if she wasn't married, or if I was more attractive, or if I moved to France - that kind of change.

For the last few months that niche was filled by LaptopGirl, but for reasons best left unsaid she no longer meets enough of the requirements.

So I've been thinking about a replacement.

I've got it narrowed down to a trio of candidates.

Her main qualification has to be her age. I'm old enough to be too old for her mother. While that's fine by me, in a dirty-old-man kind of way, I'm sure that the age difference would make her completely unavailable to an old coot like me.

There also the issue of her workplace competition. VigilanteGirl is not the only candidate that I considered from that establishment. To truly pine for her, I'd have to stop thinking about some of her coworkers; notably TwinSisters and NeighborsDaughter.

There's also the issue of the flirting. At least a small part of me has to suspect that there may be something behind her innuendos, and of course if there's any chance that she's available for me then that blows that deal.

The hot French girl that came into Rich O's last weekend would at first glance appear to be perfect. The age factor is there, making her quite inappropriate for me. She's possibly third or fourth on the list of the most beautiful women I've ever laid eyes on, so she's so far out of my league that, as they say, she can't even see my league. And oh yeah, she lives in France, so availability should never be a problem.

I'm concerned that I've never successfully pined away for anyone that I couldn't see on a semi-regular basis. My limit seems to be about a month - after that much absence I'm usually out looking for someone else to torture my soul over.

I'm hesitant about even writing about HotWorkGirl here. I'm not sure that she meets ANY of the requirements I listed earlier. Her only real chance to be inappropriate or otherwise unavailable is to be a LOT older than she appears or to be a lesbian. She's just too new for me to have categorized her yet.

I can't decide. Perhaps I should widen the list of candidates.

There are several likely women - each more beautiful or young or married or gay or drugged-out than the last - that could possibly step up and occupy enough of my thoughts that a full-scale crush COULD ensue.

I suppose I'll just wait and see how things play out.

There are millions, maybe billions, of ineligible bachelorettes out there. I'm sure I'll find the worst possible one someday.

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