dis-turb-ing
adj.
1. Emotionally or mentally troubling; upsetting.

per-vert-ed
adj.
1. Deviating from what is considered right and correct.
2. Of, relating to, or practicing sexual perversion.

damned
adj.
1. Condemned, especially to eternal punishment in Biblical Hell.

I am, as it turns out, a horrible person.

I didn't plan to end up this way - it just happened.

Hopefully, now that I've identified the problem, I can make efforts to eliminate or at least reduce its impact on myself and others.

The other day I briefly wrote that a friend of VigilanteGirl had been in an accident.

This was a very serious accident as it turns out.

I stopped to see VigilanteGirl after work yesterday, and as I hadn't seen her since Sunday morning, I asked her how her friend was doing.

Her friend is alive, but pretty well fucked up. Probably for life.

VigilanteGirl demonstrated all of the cuts, breaks, internal injuries, etc. that her friend had suffered after being hit by a drunk driver.

VigilanteGirl used her finger to trace, along her own body, long elaborate paths of carnage that had nearly killed her friend in front of her eyes.

(This is the part where I'm a horrible person.)

As VigilanteGirl traced her imaginary cuts and breaks along her arms, down her face, and pretty much everywhere on her body, I actually became strangely aroused.

I actually had to avert my eyes, lest some twinkle in them betray my sickness.

I certainly wasn't glad that the poor girl (who I've never met) had sustained these horrible injuries. I also wasn't at all intrigued by the actual injuries themselves. They sounded truly horrific.

It was the tracing that got me.

Ahh, the tracing.

I've seen lap-dances in movies that were less erotic than VigilanteGirl's little destruction demonstration.

If this doesn't condemn me to eternal damnation I don't know what would.